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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 2.1

by HarryHardy


Chapter 2

A SUPER secret meeting

[Aria]

Ariana Kane walked into her mother’s room, already knowing it would be a pointless conversation. There’s no way in hell that new door is going to be any easier to crack than the previous ones. Sighing, she turned to face her mother.

Her mother was seated on the bed, smiling widely. Mrs. Kane tapped the spot next to her and Aria sat down, leaning into her mother.

“I thought seventeen year olds didn't snuggle into their parents,” said Mrs. Kane, smiling down at her daughter’s face.

“I can just stand, mom,” she replied, although the peaceful expression on her face suggested that the threat was quite unlikely to be carried out. Mrs. Kane simply smiled.

“So, Aria how was your day?” she asked.

“The usual,” Aria replied, already trying to guess where the conversation was heading.

“You got assigned to a new location, didn’t you?” she asked.

“Yes.” Well. That took a very predictable turn.

“And from what I heard, it was to the new door I talked about the other day.”

“Definitely was a door,” replied Aria, nodding. 

“And?” prompted Mrs. Kane

"It was a door, there was nothing much to see besides what you already told us," said Aria.

“Yes, but didn't you guys take a closer look?" asked Mrs. Kane.

"We did, but honestly, what difference is that going to make, its not like we're getting through that door either mom, you know how the other door changes went much better than I do," said Aria.

"Oh come on Aria, you know we can't stop trying, right?" 

“Why can’t everyone just get that we are never going to get out of here?” said Aria, more to herself than her mother.

“Aria, you can’t have stopped believing so soon.”

“Oh yes I can, because it already happened," she said.

"How many times are we going to have this conversation?”

"As many times as it takes for you to realize the truth."

"Aria," said Mrs. Kane,” take a page out our brother's book. There’ll be a chance of escape as long as at least some of us believe we can escape. If you accept that we can't succeed, then we never will. You can't win if you don't participate.”

“You can't lose either," mumbled Aria.

“You know you don’t really mean that, Aria.”

“It’s just always so hopeless mom,” she said, standing up, "every plan ends in disaster. You know that. And even if we do make our way through a door, even if we can entertain that possibility, then what, we have the outer wall to go through. It’s not like any human has set foot in that place. We haven't the foggiest idea of what's out there much less how to survive it and get out.”

“And…that is where you’re wrong,’ said Mrs. Kane,” you didn't let me get to that yet.”

This stopped Aria in her tracks. She quickly reclaimed her seat by her mother’s side.

“What's that supposed to mean?” she asked. There is no way someone was that stupid.

“Hmm…how about a little bargain then?” suggested Mrs. Kane, winking.

“Uh oh, what have you gone and done now” said Aria, eyes wide. "Please tell me no one died."


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Thu Dec 02, 2021 8:21 am
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felistia wrote a review...



Hi Harry, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

So I see that your writing this chapter for a different persons perspective. I like those kinds of stories. It's a great way to get to know the different characters.


Ariana Kane walked into her mother’s room, already knowing it would be a pointless conversation. There’s no way in hell that new door is going to be any easier to crack than the previous ones. Sighing, she turned to face her mother.


I presume she is mother's little spy then? I'll have to see.



“I thought seventeen year olds didn't snuggle into their parents,” said Mrs. Kane, smiling down at her daughter’s face.


Of coarse they do! Can be older too.



“Why can’t everyone just get that we are never going to get out of here?” said Aria, more to herself than her mother.


Don't worry. If you weren't going to get out, there wouldn't be a story. Lol


“Aria, you can’t have stopped believing so soon.”

“Oh yes I can, because it already happened," she said.


I'm not sure why, but this part of the dialogue seemed quite clunky and didn't read as nicely as the previous parts.

“You can't lose either," mumbled Aria.


Hinting at something here. Maybe something happened on the previous attempts?


“And…that is where you’re wrong,’ said Mrs. Kane,” you didn't let me get to that yet.”

This stopped Aria in her tracks. She quickly reclaimed her seat by her mother’s side.

“What's that supposed to mean?” she asked. There is no way someone was that stupid.

“Hmm…how about a little bargain then?” suggested Mrs. Kane, winking.

“Uh oh, what have you gone and done now” said Aria, eyes wide. "Please tell me no one died."


This must be a recent turn of events. Otherwise, I'm sure she would have told Aria sooner. Ooo, I wonder what she did.



Overall thoughts:

I like it. It was nice to read the story from a different characters perspective. It changes things up.

I feel that this part was lacking in description quite a bit. The dialogue was great, but I couldn't form a picture of where the characters were.

I look forward to reading the next part.


As always, never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Sun Sep 05, 2021 3:19 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Okay, andrew here, noooow understanding context!
This chapter piece confirms the fact this story will be about escaping, gives us some hope, and a place for the plot to go. I woooonder, how could they beat them? How could they escape. The handling of humans beating much more technologically advanced aliens is always interesting, and I'm excited to see how you explain it.

“The usual,” Aria replied, already trying to guess where the conversation was heading.

Already trying too? Seems like a strange use of words, why not just, "already able to guess..." Or "alreading guessing"
[quote“Why can’t everyone just get that we are never going to get out of here?” said Aria, more to herself than her mother.[/quote]
Double use of get is clunky. I would say, "Why can't everyone just understand we are never going to get out of here." or "Why can't everyone just get that we are never escaping this place" Or something.
“Aria, you can’t have stopped believing so soon.”
“Oh yes I can, because it already happened," she said.

I know you're trying to say that she already stopped believing, but it took me a couple readings to get that, so I would advise changing the wording to make that clear. like "Too late, I stopped a long time ago."
“Uh oh, what have you gone and done now” said Aria, eyes wide. "Please tell me no one died."

Question mark needed at the end of the first quote!
Overall, this chapter advances the plot, I would once again say I would like more dialogue tags, descriptions, and views into the characters minds,
But that's all just my two cents! Hope it helped!
Excited to see how they got past the wall!
Thanks, and keep writing!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Wed Aug 25, 2021 8:03 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a short review!!

Mrs. Kane seems to be a highly optimistic woman and I am afraid that can prove to be an equally dangerous thing in their life. Also, now I wonder about their father. The fact that you haven't talked about him do far where as there were several mentions of their mother in the previous chapter makes me more curious about him. Is he even alive? Or has he suffered some sort of cruel death in the hands of the Aliens? If yes, that can definitely influence his family, I mean Aria, Harry and Mrs. Kane. Maybe it influenced Nrs. Kane to escape from the place and Aria kind of pessimistic. Seems like I do have theories but who knows, maybe the total reverse is gonna happen.

We got a good introduction to Mrs. Kane and also results of several tries. Yea, the outside World is gonna be something to explore. Guess what I have done–I have formulated a theory in support of the Aliens. Maybe the Aliens appear to be rude but are actually not rude and peotects the human beings because there is something more dangerous outside this place. What a theory!

And well, I have something else in stock. Why don't they try putting something else on that door and see what happens? That can be worth trying when they are not very sure what it is protected with. Next, what are these doors used for? Are these normal door used by the Aliens to come and go or do these door have some other purpose?

Something which you have gotta work is the descriptions. Like you have gotta give small details about how the room looked and others. That can be helpful to show where the Aliens allowed them to stay in.

Overall, this was quite intriguing and if I am not wrong, this review was a dump of everything that came to my mind while reading it. :P

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

-OOoohh...so many theories...umm...I think you'll get an answer to a few of those questions fairly soon...maybe ;)





I like making theories while reading stories and sometimes they come out to be out of order, xD.



HarryHardy says...


Hehe...xD understandable...I do that a lot too :D



HarryHardy says...


Hehe...xD understandable...I do that a lot too :D



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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This was a very well developed chapter. We get a brief new insight about Aria and I liked that this chapter was built up like a little play, with the dialogue at the centre. I like the way you used a very common method to start a new chapter, building up a dialogue and inserting some hidden information that will turn out to be important for the continuation of the story. You build up a good storyline and tension.

A big plus in this chapter was how you managed to keep in a fluid tone and how even after a long paragraph you still occasionally insert who is speaking. The conversation was very dynamic, as if you could think ahead to the coming answers on the one hand. I think this is very common between child and parent.

What still leaves me wondering is the chapter name and how SUPER secret this meeting is, and how important it is for the plot to continue. I didn't find anything in the chapter that struck me as negative. Also because I read the chapter at a fast pace.

What I'm very interested in now is whether the whole chapter here is told from Aria's POV and then how that comes out of the narrative; whether there's a difference between Harry or not.

One thing I found while reading:

Sighing, she turned to face her mother.
Her mother was seated on the bed, smiling widely. Mrs. Kane tapped the spot next to her and Aria sat down, leaning into her mother.

I would rewrite the paragraph a little here so that "mother" is not written here so often. For example, with the beginning of the second paragraph you could start with "She" instead of "Her mother" and towards the end of the sentence you could remove the "mother" because you actually already have a pronoun.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Aaand, small question..since you did review the entire first chapter and this part, would you like to be tagged when I release new parts? :D





Sure! :D



HarryHardy says...


Awesome :D



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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Finally we are into chapter 2! I now understand the purpose of writing Harry's name in brackets before the first chapter. This one seems to be from Aria's point of view, and I have to say the transition was quite smooth. Aria as a character has interested me since the beginning of the story. She is a little direct and bossy and seems to have more idea about what is going on than Harry and Daisy. It might be just me, but Aria feels like a more matured voice, and I really liked reading this chapter from her perspective even though it was mostly dialogue.

So we finally get to meet their mother. She seems like a stubborn woman who does not give up hope. I liked her strong optimism as it clashed against Aria's hopelessness. But I have to say though, since this is a new chapter, you need to set up the scene a bit. You devote two or three sentences to introduce the scene, and then you directly launch into dialogue that makes up the rest of the part. As a result we don't really get to take in the environment or the new character or the new voice. It all happens a little too fast.

“I thought seventeen year olds didn't snuggle into their parents,” said Mrs. Kane, smiling down at her daughter’s face.

This part was reminiscent of that first part in the first chapter where Harry hugs Aria after waking up and she says something very similar to this line. The connection made me smile and it was a really sweet point to draw from.

"We did, but honestly, what difference is that going to make, its not like we're getting through that door either mom, you know how the other door changes went much better than I do," said Aria.

This whole dialogue was in just one sentence and it becomes a little breathless to read it at one go. It requires a break, two breaks actually. I suggest putting a question mark after 'make' and starting a new sentence from there, and again putting a full stop after 'mom' and starting anew from there. So that the whole thing reads:
"We did, but honestly, what difference is that going to make? Its not like we're getting through that door either mom. You know how the other door changes went much better than I do," said Aria.'

"Oh come on Aria, you know we can't stop trying, right?"

“Why can’t everyone just get that we are never going to get out of here?” said Aria, more to herself than her mother.

“Come on, Aria, you can’t have stopped believing so soon.”

“Oh yes I can, because it already happened," she said.

"Come on Aria. How many times are we going to have this conversation?”

"As many times as it takes for you to realize the truth."

"Come on Aria," said Mrs. Kane,” take a page out our brother's book. There’ll be a chance of escape as long as at least some of us believe we can escape. If you accept that we can't succeed, then we never will. You can't win if you don't participate.”


Okay, you use the term 'come on' here four times at the beginning of every one of Mrs. Kane's dialogue. It not only sounds repetitive, but it breaks your flow and makes the whole thing a little stiff. Maybe you could delete a few of the 'come ons!"

The ending was a little funny. The wariness Aria shows is something that the parent would experience when confronting the child. The switch was quite hilarious to read. I can't wait to know what all that was about.

That's all.

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

OH wow...I did not see how many come on's were there...usually I wouldn't make changes immediately, but that one's gonna be edited ASAP cause that is a big issue...

Also umm...since you did review the entire first chapter and this part, would you like to be tagged when I release new parts?



RandomTalks says...


Sure! Tag me next time.



HarryHardy says...


Awesome :D




The man who never makes a mistake always takes orders from one who does.
— Anonymous