“Oh don't worry, no one was harmed in any operation we carried out,” said Ms. Kane, "you don't have to always assume the worst."
“Well, the worst is what happens more often than not,” said Aria.
“That’s not entirely wrong. So, do you want to hear the bargain or not?” asked Ms. Kane.
“Tell me.”
“I’ll tell you all about the information we've gathered from the outside if you attend tonight’s meeting to talk about the door.”
“I can just tell you, and you can go, do I really have to be there?” asked Aria, looking downcast all of a sudden.
“Yes…I was planning on taking your brother as well this time so you definitely should be there.”
Aria let out a small groan of frustration.
“It won’t be that bad dear,” said her mother, taking Aria’s hand,” and all you’ll have to do is tell them exactly what you saw.”
“Just that, no speeches about how awesome we are and how we are totally going to escape.”
“When you put it that way you make it sound a lot more childish than it really is.”
“Well it is a childish pipe dream," said Aria, flatly.
“Just listen to what they have to say and maybe you will change your mind," said Mrs, Kane, giving Aria's hand a small squeeze.
“I’ll try.”
“That’s all I can ask for,” said Mrs. Kane, getting up, “Now go warn your brother that he has to get ready. This is going to be his first midnight excursion.”
“His excitement is going to be unbearable,” said Aria, unable to stop the smile that the thought brought to her lips.
“Okay then, remember to be at the hall by midnight sharp along with Harry. Don’t get late. They are very strict about being exactly on time.”
“Can’t blame them for that, I suppose the only way to beat the system is to time everything to the millisecond," said Aria.
“Indeed,” said her mother, smiling at her,” alright then Aria, I’ll see you there.”
“Okay Mom,” replied Aria, "Hope you have a good shift."
At precisely ten minutes to twelve, Aria tiptoed towards Harry’s room. She gently pushed open the ancient wooden door, taking care to not let it creak. You better not be asleep Harry or I’m leaving you behind.
Once the door was open, she made her way inside as silently as she could. Harry was standing, facing the wall and waving his arms around. She had to stifle a laugh. Is he actually practicing a speech to give in the meeting? Lemme surprise him a bit. Although that might make him scream and that would be bad. Maybe some other time. She made a soft tapping sound against the hard concrete floor, tapping it seven times in the signal that they had arranged earlier.
He whirled around, a blush coming over his face. He tried for a smug smile as he crossed his arms and walked towards her.
“I told you I wouldn’t fall asleep,” he said, smile firmly in place.
“Hmm…interesting strategy for doing that,” said Aria, trying valiantly not to burst into laughter.
“I was just trying to figure out the dimensions of the wall, that’s why the waving hands and all,” he explained, clearly scrambling for the first explanation that came to mind.
“Sure you were,” said Aria, rolling her eyes. "You really think you can fool me. I've known you since you were in diapers."
“But I was doing that.”
“Oh come on. Admit it. You were practicing some kind of speech.”
“Was not.”
“Was too.”
“It’s not even a speech, it’s more like a conversation opener,” he said, crossing his arms and frowning at her.
“So you were doing it,” Aria said, smirking.
“I never said that,” he denied immediately.
“But…”
“Hey aren’t we supposed to be like somewhere else in five minutes,” he said, pointing at the door.
“I guess we are,” agreed Aria, nodding.
“Uh so,” said Harry tilting his head towards the door," shouldn't we stop talking about these pointless things and leave?"
“Fine. I'm definitely telling mom what happened though,” Aria said,” don’t think that I’ll forget it.”
“Come on, please,” said Harry, eyes wide and putting on his best puppy dog impression.
“That stopped working when you turned ten Harry, act your age already," she said.
“Oh come on, how does Daisy get away with that all the time, but not me?” said Harry.
“Because she’s got you wrapped around her finger,” replied Aria, ducking out of the door as he reached for the nearest heavy object.
End of chapter
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140,159 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Helloooooo Andrew here with a real fast review. First off, chapter 2.1 seems to have entirely disappeared, so the context for this is gooone, buuuuuut, here I go anyway!
OH my, stuff is happening! Meetings! rebellion? Dope, we might be going somewhere soon. I liked seeing aria independent of harry, gave us some good view into her, how she thought escaping impossible, really build up the impossibility, it will make the character's achievements all the more worthwhile. But into specifics!
Who, intimidating, harm? Sinister, also, it switches from Ms. Kane to mrs. kane, who I imagine are not different people, so I'd be consistent.
I feel like this is a strange use of words, it's almost giving way, and admitting it is a bit childish.
“It won’t be that bad dear,” said her mother, taking Aria’s hand,” and all you’ll have to do is tell them exactly what you saw.”
Wait, arias mother, or Ms. Kanes mother, Mrs. Kane? I'm confused
Oh, wait, Mrs. Kane is her mother, I'm dumb.
In general, I'd like a bit more dialogue tags and descriptions, and what our characters are thinking, it's a bit dry.
But that's all just my two cents. Hope it helps!
ooooooooh.
Liked the chapter, excited about the meeting! I wonder how they will keep it a secret and overcome the aliens!
Thanks, and keep writing!
Thank youuu for the review!!
Ohh...xD...so fun fact, 2.1 shows up after 2.5 on the list of works because of the way I uploaded, apparently YWS sorts by time uploaded to the publishing center and not the chapter number
ooooh, chiiiiillll
xD
Heyyyy!! Forever here with a review!!
Points:
It takes place near around 3030 or maybe even later. Right? And this sentence seems to be in an exaggerated tone. So, maybe invent some new timing... Maybe just go to a bit less, nanosecond? That would be quite fun to see human beings working in nanosecond. xD.
I could not really understand what this part meant. Please clarify it a bit.
This part was a resting chapter, in one word. It was a good break from the action-packed and very very mysterious things going on. A very secret meeting and am I to assume that that aliens are not concerned about these things? Strange or are they a bit too overconfident that they don't even care about paying any heed? And when they are so concerned about the security, haven't they installed any cctv camera or something like that in every room? They should have done it. Stupid aliens 😏
And something which I think you should do is to add the conversation between Aria and Mrs. Kane in the past part. If one reads this part after some while they will have to remember what is going on as it starts in the mind of the dialogue. Start this part from the scene of Aria and Harry. That seems to be better.
Now with the dimensions. That was a lame joke, I suppose but have the aliens have invented some new dimensions. 4d or maybe 5d? interesting and well, something more which ?I am wondering is if they have a permanent home. Like someone trying to understand the dimension... it can't happen in a place where one stays regularly.
And now comes the meeting, wow, secret meeting at midnight and something very good is not gonna happen there. I really like your writing style. they are seriously not in a very good situation and still you have managed to retain the humourous writing style. I really like it.
overall, it was awesome and tag me in the upcoming chapters.
Keep Writing!
~Forever
Thank youu for the review!!
. Soo...they were cctv's like everywhere when this prison was first built, but with an increase in human population and many years passing by with all sorts of plans by humans failing, when the security was upgraded and the prison was expanded, the cctv's were removed from everywhere except the working areas of the prison. So like...uh...in the hub and at the door they work at cameras are there but in their living areas and this corridor in the story there are no cameras. Basically the aliens decided it was simply a lot more cost effective to have cameras only where the humans could try to sabotage alien equipment, because after years of humans failing to come up with good plans, they decided it wasn't worth the extra cost to monitor the humans every single activity. So yeah...you could say its all a problem of money in the end...and a bit of stupidity by the aliens too xD
xD....hmm...I love reading all your theories about the time its happening in...I think...very soon, like somewhere in the next chapter, you will get to know the actual exact date
Ohh..that's just Aria telling Harry that if Daisy looks at him with the puppy dog eyes he can't say no
ALso...uhh....cctv, I'm glad you asked that actually!! I actually did far too much wordlbuilding into this place...so...I have an explanation for that
Glad you're liking it so far!
Thank you again for the review!!
Thanks for the clarifications!! And glad that my theories make some sense. Though apparently the aliens seem to be very careful and extraordinarily intelligent, they are actually stupid and a bit too overconfident. Definitely an advantage of the humans
No prob
Hi HarryHardy,
Mailice here with a short review!
Like your chapters, I'm linking directly to my previous reviews to start here.
So the story continues and it seems that the "preparations" are somewhat finished and a big point - the meeting at midnight - is coming up. I'm really looking forward to it and can't wait to hear what Harry and Aria will hear there.
I would split the chapter into two clear parts; the first where Aria is in conversation with her mother and the second where she is with her brother. I liked that change of tone with her. It was like she was a middle character between her mother and Harry, and you could see that well in the dialogue. Aria had a more active role with Harry, a bit like she took leadership, whereas with her mother she goes more in the direction of taking a passive stance. It does seem as if she sometimes tries to escape from this "grip", but always falls into it.
No matter how I do it, there is always a grin when I read a dialogue. No matter how tragic or serious it is, somehow I always feel like it's a forewarning of what's to come and that's why it makes me so excited to know what happens next.
What I liked in this chapter, a little highlight so to speak, was not the dialogue, but more this short interaction between Aria and her thoughts when she left Harry standing there by the wall. She seems to be very doubtful about whether she wanted to do what she was planning or not. It kind of shows me on the one hand that I as a reader am not taking the situation quite as seriously as I should and also Aria is trying to bring some humour and fun into this everyday life.
Some points I noticed while reading:
I believe, here comes a comma after the “bad”.
At bit more at the beginning you have written Ms. Kane. I would try to keep up one form of address.
I would make the space here bigger. It seems like a bit of a timeskip here.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thank youu for the review!!
Ooof...yikes...I think it's meant to be Mrs. Kane in all situations...autocorrect can only do so much...xDALso...hmm...there was meant to be a line there...to show a divide...apparently YWS ate it when the work was published...whoops.
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a review!
This was a pretty light chapter. It was a bit disconcerting the way you opened with a dialogue in the middle of a conversation. I had to take a moment to remember what was going on. But after that the story pretty much falls back into flow. We don't get to know much information in this part, but I really am becoming curios about these operations. Everyone is always mentioning these, no one really explains what is going on. That is a fantastic tactic to keep the reader on their toes, I guess. I am also really interested by Aria's lack of interest and her pessimism regarding these operations. I wonder what had happened to make her give up so quickly. I get that they have been trying and failing for a long time, but she seems more resigned than any of the characters we have met so far.
Speaking of characters, I am really curios about one thing. Is Mrs. Kane a single parent? You haven't mentioned their father yet, and we are into the second chapter already so I am just making guesses. Also, what does Mrs. Kane do? Aria mentioned shifts, but we don't really know what she does yet.
I really liked how Aria's hopelessness vanished as soon as she was in the company of her brother. Their squabbling and leg pulling is not only entertaining but it is very adorable as well. Harry is such a sweet and innocent kid; he is full of hope and energy. Their interactions give us an insight into their brother sister relationship, and though it has already been firmly established, it still makes me smile every time.
Now a few other points. While I really enjoy reading all the interactions between the characters, I feel like you could use a little more descriptions. If you go through these parts, you will realize that these are mostly just dialogues, while the beginning parts of the first chapter were heavy in descriptions. I feel like you need to find a balance between the two, so that nothing is too much or too less. Otherwise, the story will feel a little inconsistent.
Since this is a question, you need to put a question mark after 'minutes'.
I did not notice any other errors in this part, so that will be all.
I am really curios about what is going to happen in the meeting though. The last two parts seem to have been leading to this point. Can't wait to find out.
Keep up the good work and have a great day!
Thank youu for the review!!
...the next parts should have much more description though. 
xD...that's an occupational hazard of posting these smaller parts when the whole chapter is meant to go in one single flow.
Hmm...the subject of Aria's father....I think that gets answered sometime in the next few chapters...and the second question...well one answer is that she does the work assigned to her much like Aria and the rest, but I will say that isn't all she does...that should be evident by the end of this chapter...
Hmm...yeah, I did omit the descriptions of the rooms a bit here...something to consider for draft 3