They ran blindly through the room, Daisy barely registering what they were running through. The only thing she could tell was that the floor was definitely not like the ones that they were used to. This one was rougher, making it much easier to run than the smooth and borderline slippery floors they had in most areas up above.
The aliens however, appeared to be gaining on them, the signature of their footsteps as their claws scraped the floor starting to get louder and louder. Up ahead she saw Aria whisper an order. Harry swiveled around and ran towards the walls. Ryan ran in the opposite direction. There was a loud ripping sound and Ryan flung a large wooden crate that had been lying along the walls. Not stopping she ran on, trusting Aria to have whatever she was doing figured out.
Daisy focused on Kate who was starting to fall behind a little, and tried to slow down enough that the girl wouldn't be running all on her own. As they ran, Aria took them through another door. She didn’t show any signs of stopping whatsoever and Daisy stayed on her path along with Kate, actively fighting the growing urge to go back and check on Harry.
After they’d blasted through another room, Daisy finally gave into her thoughts and called out to Aria in the loudest whisper she could muster.
“What’s going to happen to Harry and Ryan? Why aren’t they back yet?”
“I told them to fling as much stuff at the door as they could until the aliens got there. Give them something of a roadblock. That should buy us enough time to find a suitable hiding spot.”
“But Harry….,” began Daisy.
“They’ll catch up, don’t worry,” said Aria.
“But…,” said Daisy.
“Have some faith in your best friend Daisy,” said Aria, “Harry always finds a way.”
“That he does,” said Daisy. She was still worried, but a smile made it way onto her face, “Okay I guess we should look for a hiding spot then.”
“What did you think we were doing all this time?” said Aria.
“Is it okay to say I forgot?” said Daisy.
“Are you two actually joking right now?” said Kate, looking confused.
“It’s one of the ways you survive tough situations Kate. It works,” said Aria, “trust me. I know.”
Kate nodded. She didn't look entirely convinced, but she didn't protest. Whether that was because she was too out of breath or because she agreed, they would never know.
The sounds of splintering wood and tearing metal brought their conversation to a crashing halt. They exchanged looks. Daisy felt the adrenaline start to come into full effect now. Death. Find Place to Hide.
As the horrible shrieking echoed through the room they were in, Daisy sped up. They made their way through yet another door, making her wonder just how large this complex was. It was hard to tell. There was almost no light here and Daisy's eyes weren't the best in such situations. The only things she could make out were crates upon crates stacked neatly against the walls, confirming this was one of the many ancient storage spaces that had once belonged to the humans. She had no idea why the aliens had locked this specific part of it away and called it forbidden, but what she could see that this place was even older than the one in which they’d chosen the volunteers for the escape.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Hi Harry,
In terms of structure, I like your tone so far, which you've been carrying through from part one here, giving the effect of us being there live as the story unfolds.
Mailice back with a short review!
A good continuation from the last part. I like that you didn't start doing some kind of timeskip here, but kept the tension and kept everything as it is. Daisy shines again here and I like that. It still takes some getting used to, but I like it.
From a suspense point of view, I like the way you're presenting it, but I think you could maybe add in a bit more of the characters - or since it's Daisy's POV - showing her thoughts. That gives the reader another good look at the situation and maybe understand better how the wallflower has become a daring and helpful team worker.
Other points I noticed while reading:
I noticed this in the last part, but not before; Daisy shows an extraordinary interest in walls and bricks and I wonder why this wasn't built in so directly before. We have Harry, who knows about the different machinery, but we only really saw something of Daisy's positive and helpful aspects from here on.
That´s really nice of Daisy!
Here´s a dot too much.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thank youu for the review!!
Hmm...Daisy's character was kind of forced to develop through this situation here....I definitely need to iron out a few of these spots.
Hey! Forever here with a review!!
The detail of the floor further confirmed that the tunnel actually belonged to the aliens. However, I am still not sure what the actual thing is. You are literally stretching a mystery for ages. That is not bad though.
Hm... Aria has her own powers and she is actually the person who is the most deserving among them to be the leader. Honestly I never thought of her as such a great leader but seems like everything is to be revealed as the story continues. They have chosen the right leader, after all and well the members are strictly following her. I love the understanding and the coordination between all the people in the team.
Now with the decision that Aria made. I really don't think that was the best decision. First of all, that further revealed where they were and secondly, that put Harry and Ryan in danger. Moreover, the aliens must have weapons which can destroy human things within a minute. So, I don't really know. Let's see what happens next.
Haha. Indeed, a great way to survive tough situationd and perhaps it's the best way. Kate was terribly confused with their extraordinary behaviour. I really liked how the trio still continues to be in their real shape amidst all these dangers.
Well. The last part was quite an informatory part. Honestly, I don't expect a person to think on those matters, more specifically relate events like that. However at the same time, providing those information was important. It actually makes the reader wonder why it was so. I am very hopeful about the storage. They are bound to find something new. They have to!
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Thank youu for the review!!
Hey Harry!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I liked this part. In spite of the fact that they clearly have a lot going on especially considering the fact that they are currently running for their lives, they still managed to find a bit of humor in the situation. It was probably the wrong moment to break into a chat, but it is also moments like these that make them go on. I also liked the fact that Aria acknowledged this and said that this is one of the ways one survives through all the stuff that happens to them. It is not only true, but it is an important lesson as well.
You have managed a really good balance in this part. Despite how you move the plot forward and intensify the danger surrounding it, you still manage to portray the humane side of this adventure as well, like Daisy slowing down so that Kate does not have to run alone, or her worrying about Harry when he takes off to cause the distractions. These little details may not add much to the plot, but they give us a deeper insight into these characters and their developing relationships with each other. In the middle of all the craziness that is going on right now, they offer a refreshing and welcome respite.
I wonder how extensive and large these networks of corridors behind these locked doors are. They seem to be running on and on. The fact that the further go, the older the building structure looks, makes me wonder if the aliens are trying to protect something here. I am not sure what they are going to find down here, but for their sakes, I hope they do not encounter a dead end. Because with the aliens at their back, that would not end well.
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Thank youu for the review!!