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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 14.5

by HarryHardy

He waited patiently as everyone in front of him made made their way through. As Aria went through, he could finally see what the fuss was all about. You had to do what was almost a ballet dance move before jumping several times. Not quite catching just yet, he paid close attention as Daisy imitated Aria’s steps. It looked like they had to twist and turn in a rather weird pattern to get past the few feet in front of them. It was ridiculous enough that for half a second he wondered if it was a prank by Kate.

Regardless, he took a deep breath and set off after Daisy, doing his best to stay on track with her feet, hoping he didn’t look as ridiculous as he felt.

After a good ten feet of that, the pattern finally returned to normal.

“Was that what you mentioned?” asked Harry, the moment they were clear of it.

“Yup, a little trick the builders of this maze came up with to prevent any Carpathians from crossing through,” said Kate.

“Of course, they could never do that whole ballet situation,” said Ryan. "Not with those feet."

“Precisely,” said Kate, “now come on, the rest of this is easy. You guys just need to somehow memorize that whole dance routine there in the center. Cause uhh, well, I can't go into too much detail cause we'd be here all day, but if you hit the wrong spot at the wrong time, a long pole is going to shoot right across...and...well you guys get the picture.”

"Crystal clear," nodded Harry, grimly, very impressed by the feat of engineering that was this tunnel. The newer ones were certainly packed with some insane features for things built out of salvaged parts.

“Well,” began Daisy, “one of us better know this by tomorrow.”

“We’ll figure that out on the way back,” said Aria, “I assume we're still not quite halfway.”

"No, that's still a little ways away. That's where you guys need to turn, but of course before we go that way today, we'll be continuing onwards towards Ryan's end of things. I think then we'd be all but done here," said Kate.

On that note, they started to move again. It wasn’t long before they were coming out of a hallway, one that predictably looked exactly like the one they had just left. The aliens definitely had gone all out on making sure everything was as identical as possible. On one hand, it could be argued, they simply wanted things to be as boring and sparse as possible, but it also had the effect of making sure that it was very difficult to try and remember a route if you didn't have a very good memory.

The rest of the tunnel passed by smoothly. Kate showed them the place that would lead off to the library, before they quickly jogged all the way towards section X. That part of the tunnel was a lot longer and the traps along the way were simpler. Kate explained that cause of the tunnels length they'd been a bit more forgiving with the traps and used other measures to prevent discovery by the Carpathians.

Soon they found themselves at the library, where they'd go their separate ways. They'd decided it was a lot safer than walking all the way back to The Hub. Mr. Summers' warning was still fresh in their minds.

“Alright then, I think we’re done, we should get back” said Aria, as Kate made her way towards her section. “There should be something happening soon to discuss our exact path beyond the door and then how to get out the door but for now, I think our part here is done.”

Ryan gave them all a nod, “I’ll be going then.” With that he turned to take the tunnel in the direction of X.

The trio exchanged one last look before they took off back towards their hall. It was slow going, them only having run through the places to step in a couple of times. Harry's photographic memory was proving very useful however because despite their slow speed, they got through completely unscathed.

At the hall, they stopped for a few whispered goodbyes and the two siblings were soon making their way into their quarters.

"Good Night, Aria," said Harry, and was about to make his way towards the room, when their mother appeared from her room.

"Ahh, you two finally got back," she said. "Come on, I've got something you guys are going to be very excited to see."

Harry exchanged a look with Aria. The two of them made their way towards their mother who presented them with two devices. One of them was a long, sleek metallic rod, with what looked like a button on the end. The other one was a regular electronic map, very similar to the one that the aliens had given them for directions to the incinerator.

"The map is the final charted path from the door to the outer wall," said Mrs. Kane, speaking quickly, as if she wanted to get it all out as quickly as possible. "You'll be leaving tomorrow. 

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Sat Oct 30, 2021 8:51 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a final short review for this chapter!

You have definitely achieved a small highlight with this last part. You also introduced this ballet dance with a portion of humour and I was very surprised to see that in this chapter in general, because so far the humour here has been very restrained in terms of the build-up. I liked that beginning though, especially after we've been going for so long now and not really hearing anything that could bring the reader into a brief moment of laughter.

You also end the chapter (why is there one line too many to end? I think you made a little mistake with the section change) in a very great way, clearing the way to go from theory to practice.

In general, the chapter had its ups and downs. The high was probably the whole plot line and how the story has now developed here and how the story is now also progressing. I felt like we were moving forward at a rapid pace the first time I read it, but the second time I found it very slow (in a good sense), which also helped to introduce Kate and Ryan better. I think they make a good group already.

The depth is really just, as I've alluded to in previous parts, all the repetition of "To Say". You create a good atmosphere with the story, but ultimately it seems very counterproductive when there are these moments where the story is then kind of beaten with the frequent auxiliary verb.

In general, however, I found the chapter very great. Not only do we have new characters that we now know better, but also the story opens up further and further.

Other points I noticed while reading:

He waited patiently as everyone in front of him made made their way through.

Here is a made too much, isn´t it?

"You'll be leaving tomorrow. 

A nice cliffhanger with a missing quotation mark. :D

Have fun writing!


HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!! :D

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Mon Oct 25, 2021 9:22 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

The ballet dance was quite an interesting thing to do. I am still not very sure of what he exactly saw there. Like, did he see Kate doing those strange "ballet-dance" moves? Seems so. I am sometimes surprised how much they know about history and try to preserve it. I don't think they really have time to do dance and other creativities. So, that appears to be history to me. All seems to know history quite well. That is important, I think. Okay, 10 feet is actually a considerable distance when it comes to something similar to ballet dancing. They managed to do it somehow skillfully though.

Ah I can obviously imagine what is going to happen if a pole shoots across. That is not going to be good situation for them at all. So, good luck to them. Now, I am a bit curious if the aliens will somehow find the tunnel. Although they can't really enter it because of all the precautions but I am afraid they can somehow see a human entering it and then finally... uh... torture that person and get all the information from them. If that happens, I don't want to think about that.

I do wonder a bit about Harry's flaws. I couldn't really find what can be called a major flaw. He pretty much seems to be a flawless character. Like he is an interesting character. I can't deny that but still he is flawless. That actually makes him a bit unrealistic. We have come quite some way and I thought we would get to know about his flaws but we didn't.

Anyway, I am not very sure of what that rod is. Without any idea... The map is interesting though. Hope they don't lose it. Andd ah, a cliffhanger. I am quite intersted to see what happens next. We are actually going towards the actual mission and the escape.

Keep Writing!!


HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!! :D

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Sun Oct 24, 2021 6:25 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...

Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Well, this was an interesting read. And just when we thought we were going to retire to a peaceful night, bam! There comes the cliffhanger that has now changed the entire story throwing us directly into the main plot without any warning. It is an effective way to invest your readers in what is going on, except, I only wonder now how the hell they are going to be prepared to leave the very next day.

Aside from that very shocking ending, the rest of this chapter was very well paced. Th entire purpose of this meeting was to map out the spot. I had thought that they were actually gathering to discuss plans or something, but turns out its not like that. Overall, I was really impressed with the entire layout of the route to the library. Its complicated, extremely detailed and something that is completely going to throw off the aliens if they ever find themselves being chased by them. However, if such a situation does occur, in their panic and rush, I wonder how they are going to mange to do those difficult and complicated ballet moves that you mentioned here. As long as they don't spear themselves with a pole in their hurry, I guess they are going to be fine.

It seems that everybody is concerned about Ryan memorizing this route. I wonder why that is. We haven't learnt much about him, so it will be wrong to assume things about him. But even so, does he have a poor memory or something? From what I remember they chose this library route because it was closer to Ryan's block. It will be better if we actually get to hear a little about him before these guys officially leave for the mission.

Finally, we are at the main point in the story - the escape. I am really excited to see how you go about this and what great twists and turns you come up with next.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

HarryHardy says...

Thank youu for the review!! :D

Oooh yes, this is a bit of a rushed plan...and it is going to get chaotic get your seatbelt on

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
— Mark Twain