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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 10.1

by HarryHardy


Chapter 10

Another Meeting and an Actual Plan

[Aria]

The next morning was a strange one for Aria. She was going to be participating in a meeting that would be all about the new escape plan. She'd long since declared to herself this was impossible  and somehow she found herself feeling a lot more enthusiasm than she thought she'd had. It didn't change her opinion that it was never going to work out, but still she found herself somewhat looking forward to the meeting.

She checked the time. There was still half an hour until Wake Up. A bit earlier than her usual time. She quickly go ready for the day as she reflected on the magnitude of what was about to happen that night. It was the kind of thing that everyone had dreamed about but this was getting a lot closer to the real deal. Harry is going to be unbearable today and it’s not like Daisy is ever going to side with me. Smiling to herself as she remembered the ridiculous maneuver he'd pulled yesterday, she headed towards his room. Her first instinct that day had been to yell at him for acting that rashly but she was proud that he'd thought on his feet like that even when she, the one who was supposed to be in charge of that, mission stood frozen in place.

Aria walked into Harry's room to find him already awake and ready for the day. That wasn’t the only unusual thing however, as he also appeared to be deep in thought as he sat on the bed, staring off into space. Aria made her way over to him and sat down next to him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asked, keeping her voice low so that she didn't accidentally startle him.

"Oh morning sis...just thinking about stuff you know," he said, giving her a smile.

"The meeting tonight?" she asked," raising her eyebrows. He nodded.

"It'll go fine," she said, putting a reassuring arm on his shoulder," we're going to do what you've always dreamed of."

"Do you really believe that?" he asked.

"Well..," she replied, trailing off," look I'll be honest, I don't think I'll ever believe that we can get away until the day that we actually find ourselves outside this hellhole but with all the effort that mom put and the messages that we delivered ourselves, I think this meeting is going to be a success. That much I can believe."

"Well at least I'm glad that you're not an impostor," said Harry," Ariana Kane saying that she believes in us being able to escape would be the stuff of legend."

Aria smiled apologetically. 

"Shall we get going then?" she asked. Harry nodded, getting up from the bed. The two siblings headed out to the hall.

It was a day unlike most. The people in the hall all seemed happier somehow, it wasn’t really that were more smiles or anything physically noticeable. There was some sort of unconscious extra energy that seemed to permeate the entire room making the place feel brighter somehow.

Aria located Daisy, who was early once again. That was one definite plus of all the plans centered around escape. Both Harry and Daisy were actually being early for a change. 


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Fri Oct 08, 2021 5:04 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,
 
Mailice here with a short review! :D
 
So, we start with a good first paragraph and get a good info about the meeting and what Aria thinks about it. It's a great intro for the new chapter and also good to get used to the new narrative voice right away. I think you've got this intro writing down well there, as it ties in nicely with each new change of POV.
 
I also liked the interaction between Aria and Harry. I always like to see these brief moments that not only move the plot along, but also generally grind the characters. You can never learn enough from them. That said, the dialogue is still often too dominated by "to say" and "to ask". I don't think it will be a plot twist that these are always to be found, so I would just advise you to look for synonyms. I think there are some good websites that will give you some, I use some too, as well as lists when it comes to "to say".
 
For the first part of the chapter, it's a very solid, calm tone that continues with a rise.
 
Other points I noticed while reading:
 

She checked the time. There was still half an hour until Wake Up.

That's a bit of a strange description for wake up. Wouldn't it be better to write until the alarm clock rings?
 
She quickly go ready for the day as she reflected on the magnitude of what was about to happen that night.

Shouldn't it be got instead of go.
 
Oh morning sis...just thinking about stuff you know,"
.
I think there's a comma after the "stuff".
 
Have fun writing!
 
Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Mon Oct 04, 2021 1:44 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Chapter 10! God, we have come a long way! (If it was anyone else they would be worried about losing points for dividing the chapters into short parts and posting them, but since this is you...;))

Now, the beginning again felt a little to sudden for me. I am not really sure what it is, because you did explore Aria's thoughts, but the very first sentence felt like it sprung up on us. Maybe start with a scene and describe what is going on instead of launching directly into the character's thoughts and without revealing the plot of the chapter (the meeting) in the very second sentence.

It is really good to see Aria holding some sort of hope. She is still dubious about escaping, but even a small hope is better than none at all. I have always liked seeing the story through Aria's point of view, because she is the most realistic of the three of them. But like Harry said, Aria is still Aria. But watching her, the most pessimistic of them all, hold hope gives us a little something to hold on to and gives us the feeling that maybe things will be alright after all.

I enjoyed the interaction between Harry and Aria very much. For the first time, their roles seemed to have been reversed with Harry being deep in contemplation and Aria being the one to cheer him up. Harry himself was a little surprised by this change, but what I liked most was how the pair of them continue to offer support to each other through all circumstances.

I did have a feeling that Aria was maybe swapped with someone else in this part. Usually, she is always grumbling, but here she was more relaxed and open and light. It was a little strange to see her so optimistic, but like I said, it was a good change. It seems like this chapter is mostly going to focus on the meeting and the plan they come up with, so maybe we are going to need some of this new found optimism.

A few nitpicks:

She quickly go ready for the day

It will be 'got ready'. You are missing a 't' here.

when she, the one who was supposed to be in charge of that, mission stood frozen in place.

The second comma is not necessary and it breaks the flow of the sentence.

"The meeting tonight?" she asked," raising her eyebrows. He nodded.

There is an extra quotation marks after 'asked'.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

xD, I've written about morning routines so often, that I think I was just trying to avoid that when I was writing this chapter :D It did come out a little sudden though, I see what you mean.

And hmm, yeah, now we'll start seeing a plan for an actual escape start to emerge slowly :D We're almost at the halfway point of the story :D



HarryHardy says...


Also xD, one of the perks of writing a lot of reviews is you don't have to worry about points :D



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Mon Oct 04, 2021 12:34 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

You have gotta work a bit on the names of the chapters. Like the name if this chapter seems like an one line synopsis rather than a chapter name. I am seriously the least-knowing individual when it comes to naming chapters, so I can't tell this very clearly but I think the name actually exposes a lot of things rather than building some mysteries that might make the readers want to read it. It might just be me tho.

Why does it always happen? Like when I want a chapter from Harry's POV, we always get one with Aria and vice versa. However, it would be quite interesting to see this from her POV, the conversations with Mrs. Kane especially. Again we go back to the past Aria and see her doubts that she still has inside her brain. I guess she will not lose hope soon because she, at the moment has so many other things inside her brain and might actually not get that time to reflect on it. I actually found Harry's behaviour a little strange in this part. Like he appears to be extra thoughtful in the first part of the conversation and a bit(0. 00001 %) pessimistic too. I wonder why this change in him. Maybe he can sense some dangers coming in the way. I don't know but I sense some foreboding here from Harry's behaviour. He, internally might be veryy worried about the mission. Sometimes, his emotions are not very surfaced.

We can see Aria's inner happiness and hope by the fact that to her, the people in the hall seemed to be happy. I really hope Aria would not be disappointed. I just wonder if the whole humanity knows about the mission. If they know, there is a greater chance of failure and if a few of them know about it, there's a greater chance of success. The name Ariana Kane is a good one though.

I would have suggested them to sleep a little more than they are doing now. They are becoming early birds and I am afraid they might actually develop dark circles as Daisy foresaw once. Also, congrats on publishing 50 parts! You might break the record of number of parts uploaded of a single novel

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm...I think I was trying to change the chapter titles from funny to slightly more serious ones at this point in the story cause things start happening, but I will admit this is one of my more half effort titles :D

Hmm..Harry's just a little more reflective in this part, and Aria herself is being affected by the happiness of everyone around her :D

xD...I don't know if they even have an official record for that, there's a record for most chapters, which is 90, I'm not getting anywhere close to that, but parts..hmm ;)

Thanks again!!




Stupidity's the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.
— William Gaddis