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Escape from the Enemy

by HB1103


It was the middle of World War 2, many battles were raging on, and Wing Commander Richard Cooper had just been given the mission to lead an attack on a heavily guarded German Factory. Having joined the RAF as a teenager, Cooper had fought fearlessly throughout WW1 and, now being 37, was one of the best pilots the Air Force had ever had.

As the Air Force Marshal instructed him about his mission, Richard realized what a difficult task he had ahead of him. The factory in Bobinger was heavily guarded with several German soldiers on guard. But, if Richard and his squadrons succeeded, this would be a major blow on the Germans. Nodding to the Marshal, he left the tent knowing that it would be one of the toughest missions he would ever undertake. As he walked towards his plane, slowly mounting, he saluted to his Squadrons as they slowly followed him up into the air.

Once they arrived above the factory, Richard gestured to his squadrons to open fire. It was a raging battle; the German soldiers were very well equipped. They had been suspecting an attack for a while and had deployed several infantry and artillery around the factory. But after a successful ambush surrounding the factory, the British had defeated the Germans and taken over the factory. However, Richard had been captured by the enemy.

Realizing that Cooper was the leader of the squadrons, several soldiers cunningly hit his plane with anti-aircraft machinery. Panicked, Richard tried to calm himself down and hurriedly clambered out of his seat and parachuted out of the plane. He didn’t know where he was meant to go but he had to get away from the factory without anyone realizing. He was getting closer and closer to the ground, until he noticed a couple of tents not so far away. Excited, he steered his parachute towards the tents relieved to have escaped safely. But suddenly, he noticed a bright Swastika plastered onto the side of a dull building next to the tents.Panicked, the Wing Commander tried to avoid landing at the German Army Camp. Cooper struggled to steer away but it was too late, one German soldier forcefully grabbed onto his legs and pulled him towards the ground, evilly grinning and shoving a blindfold on him.

‘Auf Wiedersehen.’

What’s happening to me? Cooper was still blindfolded, his hands tied behind his back and his legs spread out. He was leaning on the back of a pickup truck. The ground was rumbling underneath him, and he could hear several people whispering around him.

‘Help me!’ Richard groaned, mindlessly speaking. He still didn’t know where he was, all he remembered was the grinning German soldier.

‘Tell him to be quiet!’ someone whispered, ‘They told us we weren’t allowed to make a noise.’

‘I can’t... it’s too risky,’ another more fearful stranger said in a hushed tone.

As Richard struggled to make sense of his surroundings, he felt the pickup truck come to a stop. The soldiers around him began to lift him up and carry him inside a building. Once inside, he was roughly thrown into a chair and the blindfold was ripped off his eyes.

He found himself in a dimly lit room, with a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Across from him sat a stern-looking German officer, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

"Commander Cooper," the officer said in a thick German accent. "You are a skilled pilot and a valuable asset to the British military. We would like to offer you a deal."

Richard raised an eyebrow, wary of the offer. "What kind of deal?"

"If you agree to work for us, we will treat you well and spare your life. You will be given access to our intelligence and allowed to return to your home country after the war ends."

Richard considered the offer. He knew the consequences of refusing - he would likely be tortured and killed. But could he betray his country?

"I'll never work for the enemy," he spat, his eyes blazing with determination.

The German officer sighed, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "Very well. We had hoped for cooperation, but it seems we must resort to other methods."

Richard was dragged out of the room and taken to a cell, where he was left alone to contemplate his fate. He knew he had to escape, but the question was how.

Days turned into weeks, and Richard was subjected to cruel and inhumane treatment. But he refused to break, refusing to give up information or betray his country.

One night, when the guards were distracted, he managed to slip out of his cell and sneak through the halls. He found a radio room and sent out a distress signal, hoping that someone would hear and come to his aid.

As he made his way back to the cell, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see the German officer; his face twisted in anger.

"You will pay for this," he hissed.

Richard braced himself for the worst, but just then he heard the sound of planes overhead. The British had finally come to his rescue.

The German officer was apprehended, and Richard was returned safely to his home country. He was hailed as a hero, but the experience had left a deep scar on him. He knew he would never forget the horrors of war and the cost of freedom.



Writer's Note:

Sooo yeah, hope you enjoyed my story! Made this book cover using a Canva Template btw, I love it. Anyways, I'm also making a novel called 'The Spectator's Gambit' and that's about it, chapter 1 coming soon!


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Mon May 08, 2023 5:01 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was quite the little tale here. A bit more of a complex piece than what you usually find for something of this size, and I think it manages to work well enough. There are parts that could do with a bit more fleshing out but that's just an occupational hazard with works of this size and besides that its pretty solid.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was the middle of World War 2, many battles were raging on, and Wing Commander Richard Cooper had just been given the mission to lead an attack on a heavily guarded German Factory. Having joined the RAF as a teenager, Cooper had fought fearlessly throughout WW1 and, now being 37, was one of the best pilots the Air Force had ever had.

As the Air Force Marshal instructed him about his mission, Richard realized what a difficult task he had ahead of him. The factory in Bobinger was heavily guarded with several German soldiers on guard. But, if Richard and his squadrons succeeded, this would be a major blow on the Germans. Nodding to the Marshal, he left the tent knowing that it would be one of the toughest missions he would ever undertake. As he walked towards his plane, slowly mounting, he saluted to his Squadrons as they slowly followed him up into the air.


Okayyy...well this is a pretty decent spot to be starting off with here. I think the simple introduction albeit a tiny bit on the nose in terms of the way its shoved at us works out okay because it appears right at the very beginning and it is relatively short. I think you could streamline that yet, but at the moment this is a decent opening here, especially with this mission being brought out into the open right away and creating plenty of intrigue to work with there.

Once they arrived above the factory, Richard gestured to his squadrons to open fire. It was a raging battle; the German soldiers were very well equipped. They had been suspecting an attack for a while and had deployed several infantry and artillery around the factory. But after a successful ambush surrounding the factory, the British had defeated the Germans and taken over the factory. However, Richard had been captured by the enemy.


Ooooh well that sequence was a bit fast. I was expecting that to take a bit longer but I suppose given that this whole sequence is meant to take place with Cooper actually escaping this factory it makes sense to get him inside of that factory as soon as humanly possible.

Realizing that Cooper was the leader of the squadrons, several soldiers cunningly hit his plane with anti-aircraft machinery. Panicked, Richard tried to calm himself down and hurriedly clambered out of his seat and parachuted out of the plane. He didn’t know where he was meant to go but he had to get away from the factory without anyone realizing. He was getting closer and closer to the ground, until he noticed a couple of tents not so far away. Excited, he steered his parachute towards the tents relieved to have escaped safely. But suddenly, he noticed a bright Swastika plastered onto the side of a dull building next to the tents.Panicked, the Wing Commander tried to avoid landing at the German Army Camp. Cooper struggled to steer away but it was too late, one German soldier forcefully grabbed onto his legs and pulled him towards the ground, evilly grinning and shoving a blindfold on him.


Okayy well we are in fact getting a more zoomed in capturing sequence there. That fixes the potential issue of the pacing from earlier although now I would suggest that you then try to tie this up a little more to the front of the piece so that we don't get the feeling the whole thing has been rushed past. As for this section itself, I think you've done a great job of going into just enough detail to make things interesting without making it boring.

‘Auf Wiedersehen.’

What’s happening to me? Cooper was still blindfolded, his hands tied behind his back and his legs spread out. He was leaning on the back of a pickup truck. The ground was rumbling underneath him, and he could hear several people whispering around him.

‘Help me!’ Richard groaned, mindlessly speaking. He still didn’t know where he was, all he remembered was the grinning German soldier.

‘Tell him to be quiet!’ someone whispered, ‘They told us we weren’t allowed to make a noise.’

‘I can’t... it’s too risky,’ another more fearful stranger said in a hushed tone.


Well that's quite the scene there. Poor Richard has been thoroughly tied up there and from the looks of it the people who are currently in charge of him are also in some sort of fairly dangerous location too and things in general appear to be at an all time just bad arrangement.

As Richard struggled to make sense of his surroundings, he felt the pickup truck come to a stop. The soldiers around him began to lift him up and carry him inside a building. Once inside, he was roughly thrown into a chair and the blindfold was ripped off his eyes.

He found himself in a dimly lit room, with a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Across from him sat a stern-looking German officer, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

"Commander Cooper," the officer said in a thick German accent. "You are a skilled pilot and a valuable asset to the British military. We would like to offer you a deal."

Richard raised an eyebrow, wary of the offer. "What kind of deal?"


Ooooh well given the treatment there and everything in general, I was really not expecting Richard here to be marched into a tent there and given an offer like that. It feels like they might have been a little bit nicer in that case but perhaps intimidation is what they're going for more than simple flattery. Well let's see where this is headed.

"If you agree to work for us, we will treat you well and spare your life. You will be given access to our intelligence and allowed to return to your home country after the war ends."

Richard considered the offer. He knew the consequences of refusing - he would likely be tortured and killed. But could he betray his country?

"I'll never work for the enemy," he spat, his eyes blazing with determination.

The German officer sighed, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "Very well. We had hoped for cooperation, but it seems we must resort to other methods."


Well, looks like that plan went about as well as one would expect. Richard certainly didn't seem to be the type that would give into an offer like that although unfortunately it looks like in exchange for his bravery Richard is simply going to end up being subjected to some form of horrible torture.

Richard was dragged out of the room and taken to a cell, where he was left alone to contemplate his fate. He knew he had to escape, but the question was how.

Days turned into weeks, and Richard was subjected to cruel and inhumane treatment. But he refused to break, refusing to give up information or betray his country.

One night, when the guards were distracted, he managed to slip out of his cell and sneak through the halls. He found a radio room and sent out a distress signal, hoping that someone would hear and come to his aid.

As he made his way back to the cell, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see the German officer; his face twisted in anger.

"You will pay for this," he hissed.


Oh dear...well it seems Richard wasn't tortured immediately there but rather just gets thrown into a pretty difficulty situation that Richard does appear to be skilled enough to actually try and escape from there. Although it does look like unfortunately Richard did in fact just get caught mid escape. It does not seem like this is going to end particularly well for him.

Richard braced himself for the worst, but just then he heard the sound of planes overhead. The British had finally come to his rescue.

The German officer was apprehended, and Richard was returned safely to his home country. He was hailed as a hero, but the experience had left a deep scar on him. He knew he would never forget the horrors of war and the cost of freedom.


This is a neat little note to end on. I think it ends up being quite appropriate for the style of thing we've got going on here and ultimately it caps off the whole arc of this story quite well. I will say the ending does appear just ever so slightly rushed there because we don't really get to see this face off that was set up actually play off but besides that, its pretty solid.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think you've got yourself a pretty solid piece here. Its got a few things that could do with a couple of improvements but for the most part I think its quite well done there.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Sat May 06, 2023 5:58 pm
foxmaster wrote a review...



Hello this is Foxmaster!!!
This was a good story! The plot was well-written and I really enjoyed it. I definitely hope that you start "The Spectator's Gambit" soon, because I know I will be reviewing that.
So, let's get started:

It was the middle of World War 2, many battles were raging on, and Wing Commander Richard Cooper had just been given the mission to lead an attack on a heavily guarded German Factory. Having joined the RAF as a teenager, Cooper had fought fearlessly throughout WW1 and, now being 37, was one of the best pilots the Air Force had ever had.

As the Air Force Marshal instructed him about his mission, Richard realized what a difficult task he had ahead of him. The factory in Bobinger was heavily guarded with several German soldiers on guard. But, if Richard and his squadrons succeeded, this would be a major blow on the Germans. Nodding to the Marshal, he left the tent knowing that it would be one of the toughest missions he would ever undertake. As he walked towards his plane, slowly mounting, he saluted to his Squadrons as they slowly followed him up into the air.

Good job! 👏 This paragraph was well done, and I could definitely see at the end what a dangerous and difficult mission this is going to be.
Realizing that Cooper was the leader of the squadrons, several soldiers cunningly hit his plane with anti-aircraft machinery. Panicked, Richard tried to calm himself down and hurriedly clambered out of his seat and parachuted out of the plane. He didn’t know where he was meant to go but he had to get away from the factory without anyone realizing. He was getting closer and closer to the ground, until he noticed a couple of tents not so far away. Excited, he steered his parachute towards the tents relieved to have escaped safely. But suddenly, he noticed a bright Swastika plastered onto the side of a dull building next to the tents.Panicked, the Wing Commander tried to avoid landing at the German Army Camp. Cooper struggled to steer away but it was too late, one German soldier forcefully grabbed onto his legs and pulled him towards the ground, evilly grinning and shoving a blindfold on him.

So here just put a space between tents, and panicked. Also, I'm kind of confused here, because before it said that he got captured but suddenly we was free and captured again, and at one point he gets way safely but gets captured, so I was like, "whaaaaaaaat?" I also recommend not flopping between last and first name, as that is also confusing.
Days turned into weeks, and Richard was subjected to cruel and inhumane treatment. But he refused to break, refusing to give up information or betray his country.

here is kind of a cliché, considering that I doubt in real life a dude would get tutored and hold up against it for his country.. I can tell that Richard is a strong man.
That's all! I enjoyed this, and hope to read more of your work! If you are looking for anything to review, you can read some of my work, please?
-Foxmaster!!!




HB1103 says...


Hey there, you're right the ending does seem really cliche but honestly I didn't know what to write there. I tried a bunch of different possibilities but they ended up being wayyyy too long (for a short story). And sure, I'd love to read your work to review!



foxmaster says...


thank you!



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Fri May 05, 2023 6:21 pm
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Roxanne wrote a review...



Aloha!

I can only imagine that you're off exploring the world or maybe even sipping on a cup of tea as you read this. But, if and when you do return to the platform, just know that a review will be waiting for you, like a warm cup of tea on a chilly day.

So, let's start!

"Escape from the Enemy is a gripping story that takes the reader on a journey through the experiences of Wing Commander Richard Cooper, a skilled pilot in the midst of World War II. Your story begins with Cooper's mission to attack a heavily guarded German factory. You set the stage with detailed descriptions of the battle, which adds to the tension and excitement of the story.

One of the strengths of this story is the use of vivid language to create a sense of danger. You do an excellent job of describing the battle scene, the soldiers, and the machinery involved. I can easily imagine myself in the middle of the action, feeling the tension and anxiety of the situation.

The story takes an unexpected turn when Cooper is captured by the enemy. You skillfully portray Cooper's fear and desperation as he tries to escape. The tension is heightened as your readers will wonder if Cooper will be able to escape or if he will be captured and killed.


The story becomes even more complex when the German officer offers Cooper a deal to work for the enemy. Here you do an excellent job of creating a moral dilemma for the protagonist. Cooper is faced with a difficult decision - betray his country or face torture and death.

Your use of dialogue is also well done, as it helps to reveal the characters' motivations and personalities. The German officer is portrayed as a stern and determined man who is willing to use any means necessary to achieve his goals.

Overall, "Escape from the Enemy" is a well-written and exciting story that will keep each and every reader on the edge of their seat. The use of vivid language, detailed descriptions, and compelling characters create a memorable reading experience.

Keep on doing what you do!

-Rose




HB1103 says...


Well, I'm not exactly sipping a cup of tea (sadly), but Coca Cola would do for now! Thank you for the kind review, it was very interesting to review <3



HB1103 says...


it was a very interesting review*




The very worst use of time is to do very well what need not be done at all.
— Benjamin Tregoe