There Is Blood in My Milk
She believed that the mysterious scratch on her arm carved its way into her skin for one sole reason. She had read in a book that an enigmatic cut signified a shift in energy, from what she took as something of a bad nature. But despite her brain trying to deny any spiritual allegations, it was true.
It was true that the energy spoiled like a carton of milk; her day poisoned by others. She craved a fresh sip of milk, but her glass filled with clumps. Her arm tingled in pain; she sat down to write:
I walk around with all smiles, all laughs,
but I laugh to try and catch my breath,
and I smile to distract from my blue lips.
I cannot breathe.
At night I dream of myself,
gasping for air.
Even my subconscious does not allow recess.
I cannot breathe.
No one is listening,
I cannot breathe.
I cannot breathe.
I cannot breathe.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Beyond my beloved rose garden, I spy with my little eye…
Something incredibly intriguing; a captivating poem titled “There Is Blood in My Milk”
Alright, no more delays! Let’s put these review skillz into action, shall we?
Ready, set, let the reviewing begin!
II. First Things First
Before diving in deep, let's see what's on the surface. You've written an intriguing poem with a unique structure, which explores the themes of internal struggle, suffocation and the impact of negative energy on the speaker's life.
Also, the title suggests the contamination of something pure, like milk. Perfect use of metaphorical language there! I must say that your title is simply marvelous, it just feels as if you've carefully picked out the right words for it.
II. The Door To Improvement
There are many ways to write a poem and many ways to express creativity through words, and you have your very own unique one. Therefore I'm not judging your way of writing poetry, but I'll just provide you with some suggestions.
Firstly, you could consider adding a touch of rhyming in there, it always gives a different feel to the poem. In this case, you could let the rhyming add to the emotional impact of your poem. The rhyming could go sentence after sentence or just after two sentences, there's just an endless way to go on!
Furthermore, one of the many great things about poetry is that it allows you to run wild with your imagination and creativity. And you most certainly did that with the story that is being told through your poem, but you could also do that with your spaces. For example, to emphasise the three last sentences you could add blank spaces between the lines.
And I see what you did there! You definitely created a sense of tension and suffocation with the repetition of the line "I cannot breathe". It is just incredibly amazing..
These suggestions are offered with the intention of boosting the depth and impact of the poem, so I hope they are helpful!
III. Seek Inspiration Beyond
Feel free to check out @AilahEvelynMae poetry collection, the dedication collection (updates with time) by @teatiime, Can Nature Be Haunted Too and many more poems written by @Lullaby for some extra inspiration and ideas!
IV. In a Nutshell
Everything in all and all in everything, it was a genuine pleasure to dive into this wonderfully crafted poem of yours. Your way of portraying emotions is just something else
I look forward to reading more from you!
That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!
With Rose-tinted regards!
Hello! Leya here to review!
First off, I just wanted to say that you caught my attention with just the title of this Narrative. I clicked on this so fast XD.
Now, lets get to this review.
I like how you added some background in the beginning, explaining what really made this person sit down and write this piece, and it really gave me some understanding.
It seems like this person is pretending to be happy even though they feel like their suffocating. Maybe something is bothering them so much, but nobody else would understand-- and I'm almost certain it isn't all because she had tried some spoiled milk. It leaves the reader wondering and also leaves space for the reader to interpret the piece how they imagine it. Thank you for sharing!
With Love, Leya