Published November 29, 2017
In Green Tea and Lilies: A Collection of Rather Assorted Poetry
Life to me seems like a Game,
Something that people can either win or lose.
Or just be there.
Currently, I'm just... there.
I find my currents status in the Game of Life to be an NPC.
A non-player character.
A background image there just to make everyone else's Game look better.
I may not be as important as people who have influenced the world at large,
Someone who may have changed the course of humanity.
But to me, in my small sheltered world,
Everything is burning.
All the relationships I've built, all the trust I've gained...
Gone in the raging flame of ignorance.
I see my friends, well who I thought they were, leaving my work to burn
The work I have built with my love and generosity.
But the protagonists of my Game becoming the villains.
They leave,
I call out for them,
They turn away for, according to them anyways, there are more important things to attend to.
Like a secondary character, far more important than me, a basic NPC.
I wish I had one sometimes, I wish I had someone I could pour my feelings out to...
But I can't.
It's impossible because of the way that the Game of Life programmed me
A simple, unimportant NPC
I'm not supposed to have feelings.
I'm just supposed to give
And give and give and giveandgiveandgiveandgiveandgiveandgiveandgiveandgiveandGIVE
Until there is nothing left of me...
So, until I can find the strength,
I will plaster on a fake, cheesy smile,
Laugh when I am supposed to,
Put on the facade of happiness,
Say: "It's okay! I'm so happy for you! I'm not hurt, you have nothing to worry about!"
But all of that is false...
I wish I could be honest, I wish I could tell the truth of how I feel.
And I hope that day will come when I'm free to be who I want to be.
Do what I want to do with my appearance and my life.
And not get judged based on my first impression.
I wish for freedom...
Impossible.
That's not what I'm supposed to be doing...
Just follow everyone's expectations and I'll be fine.
Put on that smile, be happy for your friends and don't think of what you need because they need you more.
But then again, I ask myself...
Why should I conform to everyone's expectations?
Hah, the answer's easy.
I'm scared.
I'm scared to be anything but an NPC
Anything other than a helping character who has no feelings of their own and shouldn't be selfish because that's wrong.
I'm just an NPC
And if I'm honest, I'm truly not happy.
But why should you care about an NPC?
When you have so much going for you.
It's fine, it's okay, no worries.
I'll stay out of your way.
Just a friendly NPC, at your service.
Have a nice day...
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140,780 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Thanks for sharing.
The composition describes a certain propensity that some humans have of feeling comfortable with supportive roles instead of ones of leadership. Sometimes the persons feel more comfortable as failures than as a success. In short, the persons avoid success and positions of responsibility because such conditions cause psychological stress.
Why? Well, one reason is that the person might feel undeserving of success, as if justice isn't being done if he or she isn't a failure. Some even say that they don't have a right to live because they haven't earned it.
It's similar to the self fulfilling prophecy syndrome. Sometimes when such persons examine the causes of their repeated failures, they find that they are the root cause via subtly sabotaging their own efforts in very subtle and not so subtle ways. I have found myself doing that sometimes. The subconscious and its influence on our lives is far more powerful than most people imagine.
Suggestion:
But why should you care about an NPC
When you have so much going for you[?]
Hey, CorruptedArrow here! I just want to say that if this applies to you IRL you aren't alone in the Game of Life. Anyways back to the story you have presented:
You made this story pop out and grab my attention at most. You presented it in a way that others would relate, but sometimes you wonder as a reader if the writer is writing this from personal experience.
"I'm just supposed to give
And give and give and giveandgiveandgiveandgiveandgiveandgiveandgiveandgiveandGIVE
Until there is nothing left of me..." What are you giving? How are you give that "something" away?
"So, until I can find the strength,
I will plaster on a fake, cheesy smile,
Laugh when I am supposed to,
Put on the facade of happiness" I know you are trying to make a point, but there is no need for so many commas. "So, until I can find the strength. I will plaster on a fake, cheesy smile. Laugh when I am supposed to" You can use periods. There will probably be more like that, but what you have done. Is so good, and no one I know that can think of this kind of a story. Keep the idea up.
Thank you! And the giving part is up to interpretation; give kindness, strength, gifts, whatever.