Twas a normal holiday all around the house, and a silent normal holiday it was. The house was vacant, deprived of any activity. Without my parents or my siblings, I felt kind of lonely. It had been about six months since I moved out of my old house and for a while, I quite enjoyed having a new place. But, as it got around to the holidays I felt progressively lonelier and lonelier. I sighed and went back to my book. Being an introvert, I didn't mind solitude but during the holidays was a different story. The holidays were a time to spend with the people you love most and those people, for me, were halfway across the country.
My phone started ringing and I took it out and looked at the caller ID. It was my sister who had moved out right before me. She lived about four hours away from me but she had other plans this Christmas. I was actually a little surprised she was calling me. I picked up, forcing myself into a happy demeanor.
"Hey sis," I said.
"Peggy! How are you?" my sister replied with enthusiasm, "Hope you're having a really good holiday!"
"Oh, uh, yeah totally! I heard you and Travis are going to see a Christmas theatre production! A Christmas Story, right?"
"Oh yes, and it's going to be the best!" my sister gushed, "The performers are professionals who travel around the country! It's going to be so romantic with Travis and me." I nodded and felt my heart sink a little.
"Ok well, you have fun with him, Talia. I, uh, gotta start making dinner. I'll talk to you later okay?"
"Ok Pegs, have a nice holiday! Smoochies and huggies from your big sis!" Talia made a bunch of overdramatized kissing noises before hanging up. I stared at my phone for a while before setting it down on the coffee table. My apartment wasn't too lavishly decorated with Christmas decorations or otherwise, but it was enough to make it seem homely. I was about to pick my book up again when I heard a knock at my door.
Strange, I thought, If someone were to see me, they would have rung the buzzer. Or if it was a delivery, then they would have left it in my mailbox. Then again, it is rather small... I got up and warily approached the door. I wasn't about to take any chances if the thing at my door was a rapist or a kidnapper, especially not on Chrismas Eve. On my way to the door, I grabbed the closest thing to me which happened to be a ceramic plate that had holly berries on it. I opened the door cautiously, but no one was there. I tried to open the door more, but it hit something that was blocking it from opening all the way.
It was a cardboard box with holes poked through it. On the top, it had a red and white bow with a note that said; "Take care and Happy Holidays! From: ????" I stared at the box, confused.vMy parents had already sent their gifts, so who was this from? There was no return address, so I grabbed the box and dragged into my apartment. It was heavier than I anticipated, but it was light enough to carry.
I put it down in the middle of the floor in front of my couch and now abandoned book. The box was making noise and shaking slightly. There was something alive in there and my curiosity got the best of me. I ripped the top open and stared, dumbfounded, at what was in the box.
"It's-a-a-" I stuttered to no one in particular. There, laying in the box, looking up at me with big silver eyes, was a dragon. The dragon was small, about the size of a puppy with white scales and red tips. Its eyes were like quicksilver, watery and they glowed with a supernatural hue. It had red chest plates, horns, and webbing on its wings. It was gorgeous. The dragon stuck out its tongue like a dog and tilted its head. My heart melted.
"Oh, uh, hey little guy," I said gingerly reaching in and taking it out of its box. The dragon didn't resist. Instead, it stuck its stubby legs out as if it was trying to touch me. I draped it over my shoulder and it rested its head in the crook of my neck. I felt a warmth blossom in my heart and I smiled. Suddenly the dragon made a clicking noise and I set it down, a little panicked. It scuttled over to its box and dragged out a red and white bowl.
"O-oh," I said, "You're... Hungry?" The dragon clicked in agreement and ran a circle around the bowl. I thought hard.
"What do dragons eat," I asked it, not expecting a response. The dragon ran over the fridge, sniffed at it, then pawed at the door. I opened it and the dragon sniffed again. He made his happy clicking noise and pranced around my feet. Then, he attempted to climb the drawers.
"Woah!" I snatched the dragon up and gave it a stern look. I was getting the hang of this dragon thing now, "Never climb up the refrigerator. Just... click at me when you see something you like." I started from the bottom, pointing at vegetables, fruit, bread, yogurt, etc. Then, I pointed to the six-pack of pudding I had bought yesterday as a Christmas treat.
"KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!" The dragon got very excited, clicking loudly in my ear and I almost dropped it.
"Oh! You eat... pudding?" I asked it.
"KKKKKKK!" It clicked jubilantly again. I set the dragon down and it ran to its bowl, looking expectantly at me. I got out two containers of the vanilla and chocolate swirl pudding; one for me and the other for the dragon. Setting my container and a spoon on the counter, I made my way over towards it and opened the one that was for the dragon. I dumped it into its bowl and it dug in, its small tail wagging excitedly. It was just like a dog, but a scaly, sharp, winged dog. I went and grabbed my container and spoon.
Collapsing onto the couch with my pudding I looked at the dragon nomming away at his bowl of pudding. Then, it hit me that I hadn't named it yet. I studied it for a while, then deciding it was a boy, I started to think of some names.
"Name for my pet dragon," I mused. It felt weird saying it aloud, "Something Christmas-y." I thought some more.
"Joel? No too religious. Berry? No not that one either." Then it hit me and I smiled at him.
"Pudding! Your name is Pudding the Christmas dragon." Pudding looked up from his bowl, which was now empty. He gave me that adorable dragon grin and ran to me. I picked him up and hugged him. He smelled of pudding and peppermints. I smiled softly and Pudding clicked softly and contentedly. Suddenly, my lonely Christmas wasn't so lonely anymore.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hey friend! Lovely story you've got here!
First Nitpicks: yay!
add it in the middle here
add commas, I think, although I suck at commas so....
You make it sound like she was multiple sets of parents here. Maybe try something more like... [b]My parents had already sent all of their gifts[/quote] Better?
I love love love this! It's so cute!!! You keep it fun and have the perfect essence of a short little Christmas story. I could keep gushing about its cuteness all day, but I won't.
I hope this review is helpful to you in your writing endeavors!
Sláinte -Junel
I wish someone would give me my very own dragon. Maybe then I wouldn't be so lonely, like Peggy? ^_^
I quit enjoyed this tale! It was definitely relatable in the sense that- I'm an introvert that craves people, so. And the lonely aspect, and the living alone and wishing you could see your family that not too long ago, you could hardly wait to get away from! I also really like how you portrayed the dragon; he's so cute, innocent, and ready to give out love. Although, to me, he didn't seem much like a dog.
And all around the house what? It seemed like the 'and' was making it go somewhere else, but we never got to the point there. It's very important to make sure first sentences especially are clear and not confusing, because if they are confusing... it's a bad first impression for the rest of the story!
Most of your dialogue I thought was pretty good. Though there were a few places where it felt a little unnatural. For instance, when Peggy says "your boyfriend" instead of just saying "Travis" it doesn't sound like something two people who are comfortable with each other would do - unless Peggy doesn't really *know* Travis, but still, her sister would have talked about him plenty, referring to him as Travis, and Peggy would have most likely started calling him Travis as well. If both characters know him as Travis, then it's not really for them that Peggy would say "your boyfriend", it's for the readers, but that's not necessary. If that makes sense.
I think the biggest thing for me is, honestly, I feel like there could be so much more to this! I want to see what happens to Peggy and if her new found dragon friend keeps her loneliness at bay, long-term. I want to know more about this world where dragons are cute, little, and commonplace (or at least, I assume they're common place based on Peggy's relatively un-surprised and and quick acceptance at finding a dragon in a box outside her door). I think you could tell us a lovely story of this reality, and it would be very nice. c:
Keep it up!
-Socks
Thank you for your advice!