I stand undeniably brisk in front of my door
being pushed against its wooden surface, and frozen to my core.
I can make no noise, for the wind stings my ears, and for a moment I forget where I am.
I feel as though I am the barrier between the outside world and my own life, I am the damm.
As the cold blowing air nips at my throat and constricts it I have one thought;
"I will not be blown away, I will have fought.
And if anyone from now on wants to know the story of me,
They will be told that I fought vigorously,
That I didn't go down without an ample fight
That I pushed against the wind with all of my might
And as far as the truth, you know I'll tell it!
Or maybe I'll embellish...just a bit!"
And so as she walked inside, and sat down for supper
She spun a tale, a real fixer-upper
And from her lips came lies and lies
But all of her guests were hypnotized
Because the interesting girl, with the eyes so blue
Could never tell a lie to you.
And when her guests tried to peek outside,
what they saw left them mystified.
For though a winter's breeze had only blown by,
a winter's storm was witnessed through their eye
And so the girl, who felt great sucess
stuck her chin up, and told the rest.
The rest of the story, about a young lassie, so brave
That it wasn't just herself that she had tried to save
And so she became a hero in her town
And people gathered, and settled down
To hear the tale of the girl who conquered winter's mightiest storms
Though you now know they were misinformed
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
Hey Gina! Queenie here for a review.
So, first of all I really enjoyed your poem. It kind of reminded me of some folktales. I really liked your use of rhyme in this poem. Usually, I'm not a big fan of rhyming poems, but in this case I think it works well with this poem. Also, I liked the story you told through the poem, it was interesting. Now, for the critiques. I noticed that you use punctuation in some places, but not in others. I suggest that to be more consistent, you either you use punctuation consistently or not at all. All in all, this was a very good poem, and I hope to read more of your future works! Keep writing!
-Queenie
Thank you for the great review Queenie! I sort of wrote this in spurts, so I see what you are saying about making sure to have consistent punctuation. I'm glad you could see through it though and liked my poem.
Hi Gina! Whatcha here for a short review!
There's so much to read!
I LOVE, LOVE, love the rhyming. It all rhymes perfectly.
I would suggest stanzas. Right now the poem looks really intimidating to read, but if you broke it into stanzas it might look less so.
I like how it's humorous, but it's also telling about a girl who lied - but she had big, truthful blue eyes that nobody could believe would lie to them.
((I would LOVE to have big blue eyes...))
Besides the stanzas, there's really not much I would change.
Keep writing, by golly keep writing!
~whatcha
haha thank you! I was having some trouble breaking the sentences a part where some of them would, and others wouldn't and I figured it was better to leave it long than uneven lol. I'm glad that you were able to see through it though. Your reviews make me want to keep writing
Press shift enter to get only a little space between two lines. Just enter leaves a HUGE gap between two lines.
But if it isn't working, that isn't the end of the world.
I'm glad my reviews are encouraging - 'cause, seriously, I do LOVE your poem
Great again Gina a well hidden messae is always appreciated by me this is good on so many levels though stanza's may have worked better but hey whatever gets the message across right? well im glad i followed you because this is great and i hope to see more content like this from you again.
thank you so much! I really appreciate your input!