z

Young Writers Society


12+

Stop and Smell the Spider Mums Prologue

by GinaERufo


Prologue

The crisp white walls of the Eden Hill Medical Center seemed endless and as nauseating as the clean smells that seem to be solely specific to hospitals was wafted through the air vents in the ceilings that provided an unneeded chill. Violet Ivers walked along the corridors quickly, trying to escape the smells of hand sanitizer and sterile syringes, hoping that the clean white door marked Room 226 was coming up soon so she could leave the cold hall and be in a warm, personalized hospital room. She tried to focus her attention on the room numbers she was approaching and the squeaky white regulation sneakers that all nurses wandering the halls were wearing and not at the stony faces of nurses on duty or pained ones of patients. She thought with a burst of pride about how the last time she had been in Eden Hill was nearly 5 years ago, when she had given birth to her sons, whom were now walking besides her, staring up and down the corridor with awe. Her twins, her pride and joy and biggest accomplishments, were born on the bright morning of May 29th, 2008 at Eden Hill, and she was overjoyed that she had never since returned to the hospital, or anything like it, simply because it was a difficult environment for a healthy person to be in.

At some point in her continuous thinking and walking she found Room 226. It was tucked away, the last door in a set of uncountable ones lining the hallway. Violet took a deep breath and grasped the warm brass knob of the door with her own thin, cold hand, pushing the door open with a long, droning sound as the bottom, which was covered in a sort of protective fuzz, glided across the polished wood floors of the room. The noise must have startled the only other living thing in the room, as from the corner a small cough and grunt was heard.

The room was warm all right, hot and nothing like the atmosphere outside. Inside the small hospital room, the walls, for one thing, were a bright orange and covered in photographs and newspaper clippings. Every surface of the cherry wood T.V stand, dresser, and desk were covered with get well soon cards, stuffed animals, balloons, and every type of flower in every type of color. The woman in the bed next to the window in the farthest corner of the room was unlike the patients outside as well. Although she was in a hospital bed, she had curlers in her black hair, which would have normally sat limp and straight on her head, and a bright yellow sweater on. Her face was almost wrinkle less, aside from the crinkles between her eyebrows that showed years of hard work, and was a pale white aside from the recently applied rouge that sat on the round apples of her cheeks. She looked like the mother of one of the glamorous movie stars tapped on the wall above her, just as beautiful and camera ready, but not as young and springy. The woman held a glass of water in her steady hand, which she took small sips from while Violet attempted to get her boys to not try and grab at a life-sized plush teddy bear that was sat in the opposite corner of the room. When all had settled, Violet turned from the door and grabbed one smooth hand of each boy in her own, thin cold one and smiled at the elderly woman in front of her.

“Mamò” she said with a smile, walking towards the bed slowly as the boys attached to her seemed to drag their feet and take much smaller steps than she did with her long, slender legs. When Violet had reached the bed, she leaned down and gave the old woman a kiss on the cheek, which she lifted each of her son’s up to reciprocate. Unbeknownst to her, this simple greeting meant much to the old woman, lovingly referred to as “Mamò”, or grandma.

“Violet, dear,” the old woman said, holding her hand on her heart. “My how your boys have grown! Nearly 5, right? What beautiful hair they have!” She exclaimed, a thick, Irish accent present in the diction of every word as she leaned down and ran her fingers through the fine dirty blonde hair of the boys before her.

“They’ve got McMill hair!” she said, with a happy laugh. The subject of hair must have reminded her that her curlers had been in for nearly too long and she reached her hand up to her own locks just then, removing each curler and running her hands through the now bouncy, shoulder length black curls atop her head. “Just like your grandfather, your mother, you and your aunt Janice. You all have McMill hair but I’ve got a Walsh mane I do!” she said with a laugh, looking towards the 5 year olds as if they would get her joke too. She then motioned for Violet to sit in one of the fluffy chairs next to the bed, and as Violet sank into the old fabric covered seat her grandmother grabbed her hand. Now, while they didn’t have the same hair, they had the same hands. Beautiful, fragile, thin hands with perfect nail beds that never got a well-deserved manicure. Mamò’s due to years of work, and Violet’s due to her simply not wanting the luxury. Mamò stared at their hands together and then looked into the eyes of her young granddaughter with a sad smile. The only difference between their beautiful hands was the clear difference in age, represented by the thin blue veins that were much more present on the old woman’s fair hands than the one’s of the young lady in front of her.

“You’ve had a lot of visitors?” Violet asked, looking around the room at all of the things her grandmother had been giving and feeling a little guilty that in the week her grandmother had been in the hospital, this was the first time Violet had come to visit. She took in the decorations of each wall thinking to herself that even with a family as big as her own they didn’t have that many relatives. At least, not that she knew of. Her grandparents were immigrants, so whatever they knew about their family was all of the information everyone else got. And they never could be trusted with names and dates it seemed to Violet when she was young and had to do a family tree project for school years ago and her grandmother had nearly mixed up the date she came to America.

The old lady nodded happily and looked around the room as well, smiling as though each present was a trophy and she was going to win the award for most visits in the shortest period. Violet cracked her knuckles nervously, looking up at at a magazine cutout of Maureen O’Hara. The starlet’s gorgeous orange locks were on a green background and she looked like Irish pride in a photograph.

“Is she your favorite?” Violet asked her grandmother, seeing that there were more photos of Maureen O’Hara than any other celebrity on her wall, trying to make gentle small talk that wasn’t too taxing for the old woman.

“Oh, yeah.” Her Mamò said dreamily, “She became my favorite, even more so after I met her.” Mamò said with a remembering smile.

Violet turned in her chair quickly. “You met Maureen O’Hara?” she asked, clearly excited. She remembered watching “Miracle on 34th Street” at Christmastime in her Mamò house when she was young but the old woman had never said a thing back then. “Why didn’t you tell me? What else did you do?”

Mamò smiled. “I thought you wouldn’t appreciate it. You enjoyed her movies but you didn’t know that she was a regular Irish gal like us.” Mamò said proudly. “I figured I would tell you when you were truly interested, which you seem to be now. There are many things about me, about our family, that you don’t know” She laughed a little before leaning over to the nightstand and grabbing the television remote, turning on a childish show and smiled at her granddaughter. “To keep your boys occupied. I have a lot of stories to tell, this might take a long time. Oh, where do I begin...”


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Thu Jul 13, 2017 4:45 am
Junel wrote a review...



Hey there! This is a great start to your story!

First off as soon as I opened this the first thing I thought was 'Oh, wow that's a long paragraph of descriptions.' This sorta thing usually scares me away from a book. Your description is amazing, great vocabulary and everything, but it is long. Just break it up more, you don't want your readers getting eyestrain this early in.
Second, some of these sentences are looong and its long sentence after long sentence. Mix it up, get a few smaller ones in there.
I long your conversation and its flows wonderfully, and realistically

My how your boys have grown! Nearly 5, right? What beautiful hair they have!”


This sentence made me laugh. I'm not sure if you meant it to, but it seriously reminds me of the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood. I'm not sure if that's what you meant to do or if I'm just connecting things for no reason, but yeah.
Also, a comma should be placed after my.

I hope this is in some way helpful to you, and let me know if you want me to continue reviewing your story!

Sláinte -Junel




GinaERufo says...


Thank you! Your review was incredibly helpful (and although I didn't mean for it to be that way, I do love your connection to Little Red Riding Hood lol). I would love for you to continue reviewing my story, as I also uploaded the first chapter and would immensely appreciate your input. As for the eye straining thing, I am working on getting this book off of the computer and onto paper, if you know what I mean, so hopefully it won't look as scary when its in book form. Thanks again for your review :)



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Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:58 pm
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myjaspercat wrote a review...



Hey there GinaERufo, welcome to YWS!
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review

LINE-BY-LINE/NIT-PICKS:

Spoiler! :
The crisp white walls of the Eden Hill Medical Center seemed endless and as nauseating as the clean smells that seem to be solely specific to hospitals was[which] wafted through the air vents in the ceilings that provided an unneeded chill.Two things, one I'm pretty sure that everyone knows that air vents are in the ceiling and two, this is a pretty long sentence to have without some form of a pause. Violet Ivers walked along the corridors quickly, trying to escape the smells of hand sanitizer and sterile syringes, hoping that the clean white door marked Room 226 was coming up soon so she could leave the cold hall and be in a warm, personalized hospital room. She tried to focus her attention on the room numbers she was approaching and the squeaky white regulation sneakers that all [the] nurses wandering the halls were wearing and not at the stony faces of [the] nurses on duty or [the] pained ones of patients.What do you mean by "the room numbers she was approaching," had she not passed any rooms yet? If she did [and was currently passing rooms] wouldn't it be better to say "the room numbers she passed" or "the room numbers she was passing?" She thought with a burst of pride about how the last time she had been in Eden Hill [,which] was nearly 5 years ago, <-take away this commawhen she had given birth to her sons, whom were now walking besides her, staring up and down the corridor with awe. Her twins, her pride andcomma joy and biggest accomplishments, were born on the bright morning of May 29th, 2008 at Eden Hill,We know where they were born due to previous context and she was overjoyed that she had never since returned to the hospital, or anything like it, simply because it was a difficult environment for a healthy person to be in.Ok, so you probably know this since you wrote it, but this entire paragraph was only five sentences. The problem with that is the fact that each sentence was god awful long. Now, it's fine to have longer sentences, but you risk running into comma splices and improper punctuation/grammar so you have to be careful.

At some point in her continuous thinking and walking she found Room 226. It was tucked away, the last door in a set of uncountable ones lining the hallway. Violet took a deep breath and grasped the warm brass knob of the door with her own thin, cold hand, pushing the door open with a long, droning sound as the bottom, which was covered in a sort of protective fuzz, glided across the polished wood floors of the room. The noise must have startled the
only other living thing in the room, as from the corner a small cough and grunt was heard.I don't see how a small cough and grunt represents someone being startled. Maybe a soft cry or they see the person jump a little, but not a cough or grunt.

The room was warm all right, hot and nothing like the atmosphere outside.atmosphere doesn't feel like the right word here. Inside the small hospitalwe already know the setting is a hospital, no need to continue telling us that room, the walls, for one thing, were a bright orange and covered in photographs and newspaper clippings. Every surface of the cherry wood T.V stand, dresser, and desk[was] were covered with get well soon cards, stuffed animals, balloons, and every type of flower in every type of color. Does your reader really need to know what furniture is in the room and what kind of material that furniture is made form. The woman in the bed next to the window in the farthest corner of the room was unlike the patients outside as well.As well as what? Although she was in a hospital bed, she had curlers in her black hair, which would have normally sat limp and straight on her head, How does being in a hospital bed prevent the curlers from sitting limp on this woman's head? and a bright yellow sweater on. Her face was almost wrinkle less, aside from the crinkles between her eyebrows that showed years of hard work, and was a pale white aside from the recently applied rouge that sat on the round apples of her cheeks. She looked like the mother of one of the glamorous movie stars tapped on the wall above her, just as beautiful and camera ready, but not as young and springy. The woman held a glass of water in her steady hand, which she took small sips from while Violet attempted to get her boys to not try and grab at a life-sized plush teddy bear that was sat in the opposite corner of the room. When all had settled, Violet turned from the door and grabbed one smooth hand of each boy in her own, thin cold one and smiled at the elderly woman in front of her.You've already let us know that Violet's hands were thin and cold, no need to say so again.

“Mamò” she said with a smile, walking towards the bed slowly as the boys attached to her seemed to drag their feet and take much smaller steps than she did with her long, slender legs. When Violet had reached the bed, she leaned down and gave the old woman a kiss on the cheek, which[color=red[then][/color] she lifted each of her son’s<- you don't need the apostrophe in sons since your talking about them as a collective group and not about something they poses up to reciprocate. Unbeknownst to her, this simple greeting meant much to the old woman, lovingly referred to as “Mamò”, or grandma.Since your giving the meaning of 'Mamò' I don't think you need the double quotes.

“Violet, dear,” the old woman said, holding her hand on<- over would be more properly placed here since the older woman cant really hold her heart. her heart. “My how your boys have grown! Nearly 5, right? What beautiful hair they have!” She exclaimed, a thick, Irish accent present in the diction of every word as she leaned down and ran her fingers through the fine dirty blonde hair of the boys before her.If you're going to use 'she exclaimed' then I think only one exclamation mark [if any] is necessary.

“They’ve got McMill hair!” she said, with a happy laugh.I'm assuming you're talking about the grandmother here. The subject of hair must have reminded her that her curlers had been in for nearly too long and she reached her hand up to her own locks just then, removing each curler and running her hands through the now bouncy, shoulder length black curls atop her head. “Just like your grandfather, your mother, you and your aunt Janice. You all have McMill hair but I’ve got a Walsh mane I do!” she said with a laugh, looking towards the 5 year olds as if they would get her joke too. I would start a new paragraph here if I were you. She then motioned for Violet to sit in one of the fluffy chairs next to the bed, and as Violet sank into the old fabric covered seat her grandmother grabbed her hand. Now, while they didn’t have the same hair, they had the same hands. Beautiful, fragile, thin hands with perfect nail beds that never got a well-deserved manicure. Mamò’s due to years of work, and Violet’s due to her simply not wanting the luxury. Mamò stared at their hands together and then looked into the eyes of her young granddaughter with a sad smile. The only difference between their beautiful hands was the clear difference in age, represented by the thin blue veins that were much more present on the old woman’s fair hands than the one’s of the young lady in front of her.

“You’ve had a lot of visitors?” Violet asked, looking around the room at all of the things her grandmother had been giving[given and feeling a little guilty that in the week her grandmother had been in the hospital, this was the first time Violet had come to visit. She took in the decorations of each wall thinking to herself that even with a family as big as her own they didn’t have that many relatives. At least, not that she knew of. Her grandparents were immigrants, so whatever they knew about their family was all of the information everyone else got. And they never could be trusted with names and dates it seemed to Violetperiod When she was young and had to do a family tree project for schoolcomma years agocomma and her grandmother had nearly mixed up the date she came to America.Quick question: how does someone being an immigrant not make them trust worthy with names and dates?

The old lady nodded happily and looked around the room as well, smiling as though each present was a trophy and she was going to win the award for most visits in the shortest period. Violet cracked her knuckles nervously, looking up at at a magazine cutout of Maureen O’Hara. The starlet’s gorgeous orange locks were on a green background and she looked like Irish pride in a photograph.

“Is she your favorite?” Violet asked her grandmother, seeing that there were more photos of Maureen O’Hara than any other celebrity on her wall, trying to make gentle small talk that wasn’t too taxing for the old woman.

“Oh, yeah.” Her Mamò said dreamily, “She became my favorite, even more so after I met her.” Mamò said with a remembering smile.

Violet turned in her chair quickly. “You met Maureen O’Hara?” she asked, clearly excited. She remembered watching “Miracle on 34th Street” at Christmasspacetime in her Mamò's house when she was young but the old woman had never said a thing back then. “Why didn’t you tell me? What else did you do?”

Mamò smiled. “I thought you wouldn’t appreciate it. You enjoyed her movies but you didn’t know that she was a regular Irish gal like us.” Mamò said proudly. “I figured I would tell you when you were truly interested, which you seem to be now. There are many things about me, about[color=red][and] our family, that you don’t know” She laughed a little before leaning over to the nightstand and grabbing the television remote, turning on a childish show and smiled at her granddaughter. “To keep your boys occupied. I have a lot of stories to tell, this might take a long time. Oh, where do I begin...”


OVERVIEW:

Commas and Comma Splices
Spoiler! :

Commas
, - This is a comma. It has several uses.

The simplest use is in lists. When you are listing a number of objects in a sentence you will want to separate them by commas. For example:
Bob bought a cat dog fish and rat.


Doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But if we add commas...

Bob bought a cat, dog, fish, and rat.


You don't have to use a comma before the last object on the list, unless not doing so will lead to ambiguity. For example:

Bob bought a cat, dog, fish and rat


Is acceptable, but:

Bob said hello to the girls, Sarah and Jane.


It is unclear from this list whether or not Sarah and Jane are the girls Bob is saying hello to, or if Sarah and Jane are two separate entities from the girls we mentioned. On the other hand, writing like this:

Bob said hello to the girls, Sarah, and Jane.


The only interpretation is that Sarah and Jane are separate from the girls.

The more common use of a comma in prose is to separate clauses, whether they be independent, dependent, conjunctions, what have you. For example:

Having finished his purchase, Bob brought the cat home.


In this instance, "having finished his purchase" is a dependent clause because it does not make sense on its own, but is only understandable when connected to the independent clause that is "Bob brought the cat home" (note the use of subject and predicate). By using a comma to connect these two, you now have a sentence that makes sense and is more sophisticated than "Bob finished his purchase. He brought the cat home."

Sometimes you will want to join a conjunction with a comma. Generally speaking, you should use a comma when both conjoined clauses are independent, such as:

Bob bought the cat, and then he brought it home.

.
However, if one of the sentences conjoined is dependent, you may omit the comma.

Bob bought the cat and brought it home.


A parenthetical comma is one that is used to connect a parenthetical information--information that is not necessary to the understanding of the full sentence. For example:

Bob bought a cat, that son-of-a-bitch!


In this example you do not need "that son-of-a-bitch" to understand the main clause, so you separate it with a parenthetical comma. Another example:

Bob, having bought a cat, drove home.


The main clause in this example is "Bob drove home" but the parenthetical phrase "having bought a cat" is not necessary to understand that clause and so is inserted parenthetically, with a comma both before the clause and after to completely separate it.

Comma Splices
A comma splice is an incorrect way of using a comma in that you connect two complete clauses when you should have used a period/full stop. For example:

Bob bought the cat, he drove it home.


Without a conjunction to connect the two clauses, they are independent of each other and this reads incorrectly. Either fix comma splices by inserting a full stop, or a conjunction, like so:

Bob bought the cat. He drove it home.

Bob bought the cat, and he drove it home.


Comma splices may be used stylistically, such as in short sentences that have similar meaning, but use this sparingly and not as an excuse to let comma splices into your work. A passable example might include:

Bob's eagerness to buy a cat was legendary, his forethought unheard of.


Since these two clauses are expressing a similar idea (that, while Bob is known for wanting a cat, no one thinks he put much thought into it) it is stylistically acceptable that they be spliced together


Modifiers
Spoiler! :
Modifiers are, most commonly, adjectives and adverbs that are used attributively. This means words that alter the understanding of a noun (adjectives) or a verb (adverbs).

For example:

Bob threw the green dart.

Bob quickly threw the dart.


In the first example, "green" is an adjective because it modifies the noun "dart." If you cut "green" the sentence would read "Bob threw the dart" and still be grammatically correct.
In the second example, "quickly" is an adverb because it modifies the verb "threw." If you cut "quickly" the sentence would read "Bob threw the dart" and still be grammatically correct.

Note that attributive modifiers are different from ones used predicatively, such as:
The dart is green.

Although "green" is technically a modifier in this instance, cutting it would leave behind an incomplete sentence and is not what I'm going to be talking about here.

Modifiers are, generally speaking, very excessive, and should be used sparingly. Using too many can make your prose purple and thick, and bring the pacing of your story to a grinding halt.

Bob quickly threw the green dart at the big dart board. It firmly stuck into the large board and Bob cheered loudly. He walked pompously to the dart board and easily pulled his green dart out of the cork board. The other player glumly stared with his arms crossed.


That's a lot just to say Bob threw a dart and made a good shot. We can identify the modifiers because they're the ones we could cut without losing much meaning in the sentence. Adverbs can be spotted often by looking for words that end in "-ly." If we cut the modifiers, this is what we get:

Bob threw the dart at the board. It stuck in the board and Bob cheered. He walked to the board and pulled his dart out. The other player stared.


Note: I cut "with his arms crossed" because this is a prepositional modifier.

Now, cutting the modifiers usually won't be enough. If you do that, you'll probably be left with language that feels stiff or mechanical. With adverbs, the better path is often to find a stronger verb that encompasses the action and the modifier itself. For example, we could change "quickly threw" to something like "shot," or "walked pompously" to "strutted." Other adverbs we cut because they were redundant, such as "cheered loudly." Adjectives you can get away with more, since you can't really replace a noun with a stronger noun that encompasses the modifier, but you should still use them sparingly. I like to refer to modifiers as a spice in a dish: The right amount gives you a nice kick, but too much and it's all you can taste.

Here's what this example looks like after the modifiers have been cut or changed:

Bob shot the dart at the dart board. It stuck into the board and Bob cheered. He strutted to the board and yanked his green dart out. The other player scowled, his arms crossed.


This does a good job of balancing the two extremes: it's not so weighed down by modifiers that it's impossible to read through it, but it isn't so dry and lifeless that it's boring either.


Repetition

Spoiler! :
This is one piece of advice that you probably should have heard by now. Basically, if you reuse certain words enough times, it starts to get jarring to the reader very quickly and will make your prose sound very stiff. So how can we avoid repetition?

Well, the first step I would take would be cutting pieces of this that are unnecessary. But the biggest change would come from using pronouns, which are words that substitute for nouns. Using pronouns can help you avoid unnecessary repetition.

Another way to avoid repetition is to expand your vocabulary and use additional, varied words to keep the scene fresh.I would recommend against using a thesaurus, though. Generally, readers will recognize when a word is not part of your writer's voice, even if you use a word from the thesaurus in the proper way. That can take a reader right out of the text. As suggested, there might be subtle nuances to a word you choose that you don't know, and it might have a different effect on your writing than you expect. So for now stick to your vocabulary, and expand it in your free time.


Filtering
Spoiler! :
Filtering is one of those harder things to catch, and harder to understand why it can be an issue. Ultimately, filtering is expressing the story or details through the feelings of the character. I know what you're thinking: that's exactly what a story is. But I mean this is a sentence-by-sentence basis. So, for example, if I was to say "Bob felt the wind on her face" I'm filtering, because I'm telling the reader that there's wind through the knowledge that Bob feels it.

Filtering, naturally, has its place, but it can distance the reader. The more steps there are to experiencing that wind themselves, the more disconnect they'll have from that detail. Maybe the important thing here is that Bob can feel the wind at all--maybe he's just undergone nerve-surgery to get feeling back. Then telling us he's feeling it is important. But if you're just trying to establish that there's a breeze, then you're trying to immerse the reader into the setting, and you're not doing that as effectively if you filter it through Bob's perspective.

Fortunately, filtering can be rather easy to edit, once you know to look for it. For example:

Bob felt the breeze on his face. He saw Sarah and Jane coming up the hill.


This is filtering, and, assuming the reader knows we're in Bob's close perspective, could be changed to:

A breeze rolled in. Sarah and Jane made their way up the hill, towards him.
The same information is established, but now the reader experiences it directly.


If you're writing in first-person perspective, or a very limited third-person perspective, filtering is especially unnecessary because the reader comes to understand that anything that is pointed out is within the main character's scope. If, in the first person, I say "I felt the wind blow on my face" I'm not writing as strongly as if I said "the wind blew against my face."

Again, it's about connecting to the reader through direct prose. In the first instance, the reader just knows that the narrator can feel wind on their face. In the latter, the reader feels the wind themselves.


FINAL THOUGHTS:
Alright, now that's all I have to say. If you actually read through every single thing I wrote in every single spoiler then kudos to you. Basically, everything above in the overview are just tips that I feel will be useful to you based off of what I read in your prologue. I used my own examples because I honestly didn't want to go back and pull them from your piece but I think they should help enough to find those places in your writing.

I know I wrote a lot, but I don't want that to deter you. I actually really liked this prologue, I think that you set up a good story, however there are quite a few things that I think you should work on --all of which I mentioned. You actually remind me of myself and the way I used to write which is probably why I was a little harsher or what not.

You do tend to over describe, which isn't always a bad thing, but when you have more adjectives and adverbs thrown into every sentence it can really drag down the pacing and the plot of your story so you want to be careful. You're characters are interesting, or at least I thought so.

Good job and good luck. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Don't give up, continue writing.




GinaERufo says...


Thank you so much for this review, it really helps me to hear from people. I also appreciate you telling me straight instead of dancing around my mistakes. I have been told by teachers that I over describe as well, so I know that it is a flaw that I must work on. Anyway, thank you for truly reviewing my material, I plan to take all of your corrections into consideration to better my writing. :)



myjaspercat says...


Of course I'm glad to help. And I never sugar coat anything [even if it makes me look like a [insert well known cuss word here] because I feel like doing so never really helps the reader. There was a time when all I ever got was praise from a lot of people and it made me believe that my work was all that, but then I joined a different site and learned that I wasn't as great as I thought. Anyway I'm glad that I could help.



GinaERufo says...


Also, for some of the things that you corrected, they were less about being understood literally, and more about being understood culturally, so although you didn't get it, I think I'm going to leave them in because the competitions i've submitted this to, as well as friends and family did understand



myjaspercat says...


can you give me an example?



GinaERufo says...


"Her grandparents were immigrants, so whatever they knew about their family was all of the information everyone else got. And they never could be trusted with names and dates it seemed to Violet. When she was young and had to do a family tree project for school, years ago, and her grandmother had nearly mixed up the date she came to America." ~~~Quick question: how does someone being an immigrant not make them trust worthy with names and dates?

This is really a character choice and something that people with either elderly grandparents or immigrant grandparents, like myself, will find relate able.



myjaspercat says...


ok, thank you



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Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:05 pm
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SnowGhost wrote a review...






GinaERufo says...


Thank you so much! I definitely pulled inspiration from my own experiences as a visitor to someone in a hospital to try and make it seem natural and I am so glad that somebody recognized that :)



SnowGhost says...


Keep writing




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