Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
The next day, I awoke in a bed, hazy as all hell with an arm draped around me. I looked behind me and I saw Elizabeth spooning me. I looked at her clock and saw that it was seven in the morning. "Hey, Elizabeth. We need to wake up for school," I said, gently nudging her awake. She yawned and started to sit up.
"You're lucky my Aunt and Uncle are cool. Otherwise, you'd be sleeping on the steps of your front porch," she said rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
"Yeah, man, I don't remember last night at all. I remember the bong rip and then falling asleep."
"Well, let's get a move on to school." She got up and changed her underwear, threw on a hoodie and some leggings and tossed her hair up in a messy bun. "How do I look?" She said striking a pose.
"Absolutely breath-taking," I uttered with an extreme tone of sarcasm.
She then put her hands on my shoulders and puckered her lips. "When my lips do this," she said with her lips still scrunched. "It means you have to kiss me."
"What if I don't want to?" I giggled.
She looked at me, with a kind of pained expression. "You better kiss me, butthead."
I gave in. "Okay, okay you win." I kissed her a couple times and we headed out of her house, into her car. On the way to school she started playing Starboy by The Weeknd. God I hated that song. I loved his early work but Starboy was complete garbage.
"Ewww turn this shit off," I moaned.
"Sucks to suck, bitch," she replied. "My car, my music."
I groaned, knowing I'd have to listen to the rest of this atrocious beat. After that came Toxic by Brittany Spears and we jammed out together with that song.
We got to school and walked into the front entrance together. She intertwined her fingers with mine and I pulled away. "Elizabeth, we're not dating and I don't think I'm going to be ready to date anyone for a while. You know that," I said softly as we walked the halls.
She looked at me with a pissed off face, did a 180 and began walking the other direction. I grabbed her hand. "What the Hell? You act like I'm supposed to magically be able to get into a relationship." I was so confused.
"I know but I just wanted to hold your hand," she pouted.
"Ummm..." I said, not sure if I was still high or if this was really happening. "Sure Elizabeth we can hold hands.
"Yay," she Squealed. I just didn't get it. One second she's this independent no nonsense bad bitch, and after that she turns into Miss Clingy. What the Hell? I figured it must have just been one of the many cases of a girl being bipolar and having a mood swing and didn't give it much more thought.
The best thing about it was passing Nicole. A lot of the swelling of my chest as I did so was simply because of how much hotter Elizabeth was than Nicole. Call me shallow all you want but I was still sleeping with one of the most attractive girls in the school.
That day in the weight room, Daniel and I were having out weekly leg day. I didn't even care that my legs were going to be sore as hell for the next few days. It was almost like I was having a sex hangover. I wondered if this is what it felt like to stand atop Mt. Olympus and watch febul mortals all day. I was smiling way too hard and Elizabeth and I kept looking at each other and blushing.
Daniel seemed to catch on to this. "No, dude are you fucking kidding me?" he said in disbelief. "Did you fuck her?" He asked motioning to Elizabeth.
I squatted down low and came back up, racking the bar at the top of the rep. "So what if I did?" I said casually.
"I hate you. First you deadlift 4 plates, then you fuck one of hottest girls in school? You're my new hero."
I couldn't help but blush a little bit. I felt like a giant among men. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I slept with Elizabeth Waterman! I was a legend. I was invincible. I was in essence, Mark Wahlberg.
At lunch, Elizabeth sat next to Daniel and I, as was the new usual. I had my phone out while I was eating and suddenly Nicole messaged me. "Fuck you," it read. "You were probably already flirting with that bitch before I cheated on you. You're such a shady fuck. I hope you know I kept the ring on the whole time he was fucking me and he was so much better than you. Have fun with your new little slut you ass."
Elizabeth read it over my shoulder. I didn't care I didn't have any secrets. "Fuck her," said Elizabeth. "She calls me a slut yet she's the one who cheats on you for some McDonald's customer."
"Right?" I agreed. "She's such an emotionally manipulative bitch. I don't even care about it.
"I want you to block her, hun. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life," said Elizabeth.
"Eh, it's not that big of a deal. The biggest revenge I can get on her is just continue to be happy in front of her," I chuckled.
Elizabeth's eyes got serious. "If you want to keep sleeping with me, you'll block her."
I looked at Daniel who had stopped mid chew. I had never really been ordered to do something like that by someone I was dating. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it and I wasn't sure if this was one of those moments where I stand up for myself as a man or just roll over. Thinking back at how good her...nevermind. I decided I'd just take the L on this one.
I went to her page and blocked her. Thanks to Elizabeth, in just a matter of days, I'd gone from being destroyed by this girl to actually having a shot at never giving a shit about her ever again.
Daniel smirked at me and made the sound of a whip cracking. "She's already got you pussy whipped bro."
"No, I don't I just want him to be happy. She doesn't make him happy and I do, it's that simple," she said matter of factually. She then turned to me. "So, there's another party tonight and it's supposed to be lit. Wanna come?"
My grandparents didn't really cared if I stayed out Friday and Saturday nights as long as I called them and told them I'd be out. "Sure," I said. "I think I want to go home today though so I can actually change and stuff."
"No," replied Elizabeth. "You're coming to my house so that you can tutor me on Othello. I feel that I need a better understanding of what Shakespeare meant when he says 'beast with two backs.'"
"I can't though I really need to go home today. My grandparents don't like when I don't come home for days at a time and I really don't want them pissed off at me," I said with a bit of a whiny pitch.
"Did I give you an option?" She said, a challenging tone in her voice.
"I don't need an option?" I said confused. "I can do what I want."
"Fine," she said moaned. "Can I at least pick you up from your house early so that we can go back to my place before the party?"
"Yeah that'd be fine. Is 5:30 okay?" I asked.
"That'll be fine, hun. I gotta go though, I told Mrs. Isley that I would get to her class early," she said picking up her lunch tray. She leaned down to kiss me and walked away, throwing the rest of her food in the trash.
Daniel looked at me in near disbelief. "Another party?" He said. "You went to a party last night?"
"Well, it was more of a kickback. There weren't a lot of people and all we did was smoke weed," I replied.
Daniel's jaw dropped to the table. "You smoked? On a weeknight? What the fuck, bro? Why are you never this fun when I'm around?"
"I don't know man, I think she just brings out something in me," I shrugged. "Get the details from her for the party and you can meet us there."
"Alright bro I'll-" Daniel was interrupted by the ringing of the bell to signal the end of lunch. "I'll talk to her next period."
I went home after school to my grandparents house, and was greeted by the voices of my grandparents. "How was school?" Asked my grandpa in his thick Kentucky accent.
"It was fine," I replied. "I'm going over to Daniel's again tonight to go play video games and stuff so I'll probably just sleep at his place."
"Alright," said my grandma in her Filipino accent. "Make sure you take the trash out before you leave."
I agreed and went to my room. I stood in front of my mirror trying to figure out what to wear. I decided to wear a red Levi's California t-shirt, khaki joggers, a bulls snapback and my fire red Jordan 4's. I threw on a puffer vest and couldn't help but feel myself a little bit while staring at my reflection. This was the most coordinated outfit that I had and I knew I was about to flex all over whoever was at that party.
Elizabeth picked me up and took me back to her place so that I could show her some...Shakespearean theory. Afterwards we left, headed over to Daniels and proceeded to the party after picking him up. Once we arrived, Elizabeth took my hand and led me to where the bottles were. She poured two shots of Grey Goose and handed one to me. "Take a shot with me, baby."
"Don't you have to drive?" I asked, concerned. "This isn't safe."
"Don't worry, Ryan. If it comes down to it we can get an Uber or something." She shouted back over the music. "You think too much. Just take the shot."
I reluctantly agreed and took 3 shots with her, nearly throwing up since I didn't have a chaser. Once I got another 3 shots in me, I could definitely feel it. I hadn't even been at the party a half hour and I was already buzzed. I followed Elizabeth into the living room of whatever house we were at and she begun grinding on me. It was so sensual but at the same time with each beat of the bass it felt like our bodies were melting together.
I could feel every the round curvature of her ass underneath her short floral dress. I could smell the shampoo in her hair as well as the Japanese cherry blossom fragrance she was wearing. I didn't even know if I was moving my hips right but I had my arms around her waist as she continued to rub her body on mine.
After a few songs we went into the host of the party's backyard. There was a small fire going in a pit with some people around it. I recognized one of the people. It was Nicole. She was sitting next to Nick talking to him when she made eye contact with me. As soon as she did she shoved her tongue down his throat with her middle finger pointed at me.
Elizabeth chimed in and shouted at her. "Hey, bitch! The only thing more two dimensional than your personality is your flat ass you know curves having twat!"
I covered my mouth and couldn't help but laugh. She just roasted her like a pig over a fire. Nicole's mouth dropped onto the ground .
"Oh and the way you make fish lips in your profile pictures to attempt to show off your shitty contour isn't cute. Learn how to do your makeup. I'd teach you but I'm usually too busy riding MY man." She grabbed me by the shirt and kissed me, gently gliding her tongue against mine. It didn't look nearly as sloppy as what Nicole had done.
I was laughing my ass off after this. Nicole started crying and went around the side of the house to leave. Everyone was smirking and snickering at her and I couldn't help but feel a lack of empathy. I couldn't care less if that slut was upset, she deserved it.
Elizabeth took me back into the house and poured 6 more shots down my throat and that was the last thing I remembered from that night. I didn't drink all that often. When I did, I usually didn't hit the double digits for shots because I was a lightweight. But Elizabeth made me feel completely invincible. I could do anything as long as I was with her.
Except remain sober...
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Hello hello! Happy New Year! I'm here to take this out of the green room for you.
I apologize, I haven't read the previous chapters, so I'll be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.
You definitely didn't disappoint with the drama! This chapter is oozing with lots of yummy drama. Even without much context of what's happening in this plot, I felt like I had a pretty good idea of what's going on. MC was with a girl, girl wronged him, now he's getting her back by sleeping with Elizabeth because she's super hot. Basic gist of the premise so far?
I hope you continue to pursue this story, and please let me know if you have any questions, if something I said was confusing, or if you want any feedback about something I didn't already mention! 
I chose this piece because you characterized it as a dramatic teen fiction and those are a few of my favorite words
One thing you'll have to be careful of as you continue to develop the plot, is making sure it feels fresh. This is a common trope in fiction. Now, common tropes don't necessarily have to be bad. There's a reason why they're common, it's because many people love them and go for them. The challenge with common tropes is that you have to bring something new to it to make your story stand out in the crowd. This is just something to keep in the back of your mind. This is a first draft and there is no reason to get super bogged down about what is going to make your story unique. That's something to mull over as you're developing the plot and as you're writing and as you're revising.
I like Elizabeth. I love a strong female that takes charge and doesn't put up with a guy's crap. I would love to know more about her motivations. What is she getting out of this relationship? Does she actually like this guy or is she trying to get back at someone or does she just enjoy having sex? All of those things are fine, but I want to know what's in it for her and why she cares about this other girl so much. Did the other girl do something to her too? I would also love to see her personality develop more as the story progresses. I don't want her to fall into the "bad girl that has a lot of sex" trope. What makes her unique? What makes her special? What does she like? What's she into? Who is this girl outside of being a bad girl that likes to have sex?
I like the MC less. I was turned off by his attitudes about women and sex. I get that he's an adolescent boy and sex is very much on his mind and now he's having sex with someone he finds very attractive. But I have a big personal pet peeve with girls being called sluts or whores because they happen to have a lot of sex. I'll try to refrain from jumping too high up on my soap box, but it takes two and it's not fair that girls get the bad rep and boys are heroes. I like that you're showing sex as a positive thing because I think that's important in YA, but I wish characters weren't being demonized for their choices about sex and have that be the norm and okay. Maybe you've developed this more in previous chapters, I don't know, but I want plot outside of who is having sex with who and who is having the most sex and who is a slut for having sex, etc. What else is happening in these people's lives? Why else should I care about them? Why do they have the feelings they have about one another outside of sex?
I think the writing itself is pretty good and I was able to follow what was going on even though I came into the story late. I think you could slow down a bit though. Several different events happened across multiple locations and I became a bit confused about what day it was and where we were. I would try to isolate the most important scene or event in this chapter and really focus on developing that. Then, if you want to include the next scene in the same chapter, just break it up with a space or a scene break or something so it's clear we've moved on to the next moment.
Overall though, intriguing chapter, and you definitely delivered on the drama!
To be totally and completely honest with you, I almost stopped reading it. Not because you didn't do a good a job (I believe it was executed amazingly), but more so because I have no tolerance for people like your character Elizabeth and I can't choke imaginary people (Where's a teddy bear? Haha!). I liked all of it, but I'm wondering if there's suppose to be more. If there is more in another post and I'm just being blind, I apologize. If you weren't planning on writing more, then that's fine, but it sounds like it should be continued. Honestly, though I don't like Elizabeth, I'd like to read what happened that night, the stuff that Ryan can't seem to remember. I didn't find many grammatical errors, and the one I did find wasn't necessarily a grammatical error anyways.
"Don't worry, Ryan. If it comes down to it we can get an Uber or something." She shouted back over the music. "You think too much. Just take the shot."
Here you said that she SHOUTED back over the music, meaning that the sentences might be better off ending in exclamation points rather than periods. I had to reread this section in order for it to register as a shout, as the first time it registered as, "Oh, they're just speaking in a normal tone." That's about all I found that killed the flow of the story. Other than that, I thought it was an awesome story and that you did an exceptional job. Thanks for the good read, keep it up!