Untitled 01 (revised)

(I've edited this to try to add a bit more to the plot and show a bit clearer where it's going. I know it's long but I hope it's worth the read. I wanted to make a character who wasn't a social outcast to show that no matter your clique, we all go through the trials of humanity.)

I was sitting on a floral couch at my friend Caleb's party. Everyone around me was getting drunk out of their minds or cross faded as hell but wasn’t too concerned. I was the DD. I had to stay sober so I could drive my friend Daniel's car home with his shitfaced ass in it. I was quietly sipping my root beer out of a red solo cup with the bass of some shitty hip hop music blaring out of the speakers. My girlfriend had already gone to sleep back at her house and I was ready to leave.

As I was about to stand up, a girl sat next to me. She had bouncing blonde curls and, a thin nose, plump lips and eyes that were so damn close to emeralds she could've pawned them at a jewelry store. "Are you sober?" She asked.

"Unfortunately," I replied. "What about you?"

"I'm kinda high but that's about it. I'm Elizabeth. What's your name?"

"Ryan," I replied.

We talked for another hour. She had recently moved into town because of some family problems and was set to go to online school. She was the same age and the same grade as me. I guess she was there with her cousin. I don't know what it was about this girl but it seemed like we'd only been talking for 5 minutes when my drunk buddy Daniel came up to me asking for a ride home. I excused myself and drove Daniel back to my house quietly sneaking in through my window.

The next day I went to the mall with my girlfriend, Nicole. We were inside Victoria's Secret so that I had an idea of what to get her for her birthday. She'd been complaining for months about needing a few new bras and I knew she only wore the expensive kind. "Hey baby, I'm going to go look at the underwear over here, can you go look at the perfumes for me and try to find a couple I might like?"

I smiled and kissed her. "Sure babe." I was looking at a couple of the perfumes as well as the lotions that they had. I don't know if it was just because I was a guy or if my nose was stupid but they all smelled the same to me. I grabbed a couple that I thought she might liked and I headed over to her. I walked up behind her and kissed her cheek. "Found a couple."

She quickly hid her phone that she'd been standing there looking at, rather than the underwear, but not before I noticed a name, Nick something or other, on her messenger app. "Oh baby, you know I already have those ones."

My brow furrowed and I was a little worried as to why she was hiding her phone from me. "Um, who's Nick?" I asked.

"Oh he's just a guy from work. He was wondering if I could take a shift for him tonight," she said hastily.

"Alrighty then."

"Babe you have nothing to worry about. I love you and besides, he's just a friend."

For the rest of that day I had Biz Markie lyrics stuck in my head wondering if I should heed his warning. I mean, she'd never done that kind of thing before. I was just feeling paranoid and anxious, checking her friends and I saw the guy that she'd been talking to. This guy was 25 with tattoos and abs and a beard. Shit, I would’ve cheated on me for him.

I really needed to clear my mind. I had a poem due in Mr. Macaras' class and I couldn't be writing some sappy piece of shit that resembled Othello. I was pretty stumped and had the worst case of writer's block that I'd ever experienced. Usually I could write a poem or an essay last minute in a couple hours with a Redbull and a Monster, but tonight was different. I smoked a cigarette in my grandparent’s shed in the backyard and came back into my room. Unsure of what I was feeling.

I sat on my bed wondering if Mr. Macaras was one hundred percent sure he wanted me to write something personal for the end of poetry week. If I were to complete his assignment, it would either be a piece that would bring tears to the eyes of everyone in the room or it would be a piece of shit that I would throw into the garbage.

It was hard to attempt to figure out. Sometimes, when I put paper to pen, it felt like magic running through my fingers onto a piece of paper. Other times it felt like I'm watching someone else's hand scribble. One that I have no control over and no matter how strong my will is to make it stop or to make it write something else, I can't. I just have to wait until it's done to see the finished product.

Writing about the feminist perspective of Othello, or about contemporary world issues is like viewing a foreign language be written on a page until the swirling of my fingers eventually subsides and I have a hot steaming pile of crap worthy of a B sitting on my desk. There's no voice in it. There's no personality. It's just a regurgitation of facts that I found on Google about the Dakota Access Pipeline.

The only thing I ever want to write are letters to my parents, wondering why they raised me the way they did. Why my dad left and didn't come back until it was easier. Wondering where my mom was when the monster in the living room wouldn't go back to the Hell that he'd crawled up from. And, most of all, wondering why that monster raised my sister and I better than both of them, while also breaking me down in ways that I hadn't come to realize until years later.

I don't want Mr. Macaras to know me like that. I don't even know the name of his wife, why should he be so privileged as to learn about me? No. I'm going to write some half-assed poem about the joy of high school and how excited I am to graduate and get another B and simply not care. Ask me to write about something that I care about, that doesn't involve you having peering eyes into my life. You'll get a paper that's worth an A but until then, I don’t deserve an A in your class and neither do you.

The following morning I wandered the halls of Belfair High School searching for Nicole. We'd been together for about 5 months and we were going pretty strong. She'd met just about all my family and I knew that I was like accepted by hers. I caught her eye as I walked down the hall and of course she came sauntering down towards me.

We were a fairly typical high school couple. We kissed before class, held hands in the halls, and talked all night on Skype or Facebook. We said we loved each other and neither of us were real adults yet. Of course we didn't fully know the extent of what we were saying. I mean nobody in high school really does.

"Hey, babe, how was your night? Did you finish your poem?" She asked with those beautiful brown eyes looking up at me.

I brushed her dyed-maroon hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. "Yeah I just bullshitted some poem about high school. No big deal," I shrugged.

"Well, you should get your grade up in that class, I know you could if you just applied yourself."

"Yeah but-"

"Hey! Danny!" Out of nowhere came one of my best friends, Jackson. He was a tall, mixed, light skin guy with an afro and always seemed to look pretty damn flawless. We had met years before because my cousin had a crush on him. Now we had power fitness together in Mr. Case's class and loved lifting together. "Dude, it's Monday! International chest day bro. Are you ready?"

I popped my pecks a little bit, almost in a response. "Hell yeah, man. I'm always ready to destroy my chest. You need some pre-workout?"

"Nah, fam. I got my own, but I'm going to jack some protein from you after this pump," replied Jackson.

"Sounds good bro but you better earn it and actually get a pump you slacker," I jeered.

"Bruh I will outbench you any day of the week."

He was a dirty liar. He hadn't outbenched me in over a year but I didn't care. I knew I was in the top 3 strongest guys in that class and that's all that mattered. Lifting was the only thing this past few years that seemed to really make me stop thinking. I just lifted heavy objects while waiting for the drops in trap music. I wasn't all that big by any means but I was definitely better than where I had started.

Sitting on a bench in the weightroom, I listened to Sunday Candy by Chance the Rapper. I liked to counter how pumped my preworkout got me with some kind of soft music. It really helped me focus my mind while keeping my body on edge. Daniel walked up to me and signaled for me to take my headphones off.

"Dude, did you hear that we got a new girl?" He exclaimed.

"No I didn't. What's her name?" I asked.

"I have no clue dude but I saw her at the office this morning and she's so fucking hot it's not even funny bro. I hope she does squats."

"We'll see bro," I said laughing.

We walked into the weight room and there she was yet again. Elizabeth. With her golden hair and green eyes in a old shirt that was a size or two too big and black leggings. I had a confused look on my face wondering why she was here. She was supposed to be going to online school. I just shook my head and proceeded with Daniel and Jackson to crush a chest workout.

She came over to me in between sets. "Hey, you're Ryan from the party the other weekend right?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "You're Elizabeth right?"

"Wow I can't believe you remembered," she giggled. "Then again, you were one of the few guys who were sober so I guess it shouldn't have been too hard for you. Well, I'm going to go finish my workout." She walked back to her squat rack and Daniel stared at her ass like it was a textbook with the answers to life on it. Of course I stole a little glance too, but I mean who wouldn't?

Daniel and I sat together at lunch. Nicole had second lunch so she wasn't there. Elizabeth saw us and came to sit next to us. Daniel nudged my arm. "I think she likes me bro."

"You're dreaming bro." I smiled as she sat down. "Hey, Elizabeth you have first lunch?"

"Yeah I guess I do," she giggled. "Thank god there are people that I know here or I'd be so lost it wouldn't even be funny."

Throughout lunch, Daniel attempted to flirt with her, which really didn't bode well for him. She kept turning to me and asking me questions. I want to say she was flirting with me and in hindsight I know that she was. I was so captivated by her eyes that I had a hard time looking away. I knew I had a girlfriend though and that I couldn't seem like I was into her or anything.

After school, Nicole took me home since she had a car and I didn't. She didn't say much on the car ride and barely kissed me before she left. I didn't pay much mind. I was sure she just needed to go to work or watch her sister's kids. When I got home I booted up my laptop and saw that I had a new friend request. Elizabeth. I don't know how she'd already found me but I was just excited to see her.

As soon as I accepted, she messaged me.

"Hey" she said.

"Hey" I replied.

And from there we had a casual conversation. We talked about school and each of our teachers. What we liked to do for fun. I tried to talk up Daniel but it didn't seem like she was going for it. I didn't really care though. It was nice having a girl come after me. Nicole wasn't exactly the most loving partner. She didn't really kiss me first and she seemed to take me for granted. I decided to entertain Elizabeth a little, I mean she knew that I had Nicole so she know I'd never cheat.

The following morning, Nicole messaged me and said that she was going to be taking a shift at work instead of going to school. It was fine. I mean, she'd done it before. I knew she was trying to make money since she loved having the newest and most expensive clothes and electronics.

I stepped into the locker room and downed my preworkout as always. I put on my headphones and prepared to go to work. When we were outside of the weight room waiting on Mr. Case, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her.

"Do you think you could put me through a workout? You have such big arms and I'd love to see what you do," she said.

"Uhhhh," I was visibly blushing. "Yeah sure. Today's arms anyways so just follow me. I'll help you with form and stuff." She agreed, obviously excited and followed me into the gym. We did curls, tricep extensions, skull crushers, delt raises, and basically made our whole arms swole as fuck. I was looking pretty damn big. I could tell she was staring and I definitely wasn't going to stop her.

Later on in English, she asked me for my notes on Othello. In pre-calc, she asked me to show her how to make Cornell notes. Of course I happily obliged, just happy to feel needed and wanted for a change rather than made to feel like it doesn't matter if I'd been there or not.

After school, Nicole was feeling nice and picked me up from work. She'd even picked me up my favorite Frappuccino from Starbucks. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. She dropped me off at my house. She kissed me and told me she loved me. I was definitely a little taken aback but happy nonetheless. What was there to worry about? I had a gorgeous girl trying to flirt with me and I had my girlfriend in a perfect mood. Stuff was going awesome.

Until it wasn't.

Nicole didn't message me for 5 hours after she dropped me off. She told me on my way out of her car that she'd be going dress shopping. So again, I thought nothing of it. While I was in the middle of telling Elizabeth how nice Nicole had been that day, I got a video chat from Nicole. I promptly answered and saw her face show up on my laptop screen.

"Hey," she began. "We need to talk."

"Sure babe!" I said. "What's up?"

"I slept with someone else."

I laughed a little. "Babe, don't joke with me like that."

"I'm not kidding, Ryan. I slept with a customer who saw me at work. I gave him my number. We've been texting for the past few days and today after I picked you up from school, I went to his hotel room and we had sex." She said this like a robot. There was no feeling. It was like she had no remorse for what she'd just done.

"Wow...well you don't even sound like you feel bad," I said fighting off tears.

"I don't. I was treated to a real man with money. And he's so hot. I don't want you anymore. I'm done with this mediocre relationship. I just wanted to be honest with you while I end it." She ended the call after that.

I was in a haze. My whole world was spinning. I had been so wrapped up in her the past 5 months that I couldn't even see that she was unhappy. I had no clue that she'd felt the need to cheat on me. I was so confused and sad and pissed off. I went into my backyard to sit in my shed and smoke. I finished one and popped another right in my mouth. My hands trembled as I held my lighter to the end of my cigarette.

When I went into my house, I counted out 10 Aleve. You were only supposed to take 4 a day but I didn't care. I knew it wouldn't kill me but I knew it would do something. I took all 10 and within 20 minutes my body was numb. I could barely feel a thing. I soon after fell asleep.

The following morning I didn't even go to school, I just slept all day listening to sad music and eating ice cream. I played the Notebook on my laptop like I was some lonely girl on Valentine's day, but I didn't care. As soon as school got out, I saw a notification from the tab open with Facebook on my laptop. Of course, It was Elizabeth.

"Hey, I didn't see you at school today. Are you ok?"

I smiled. At least someone missed me. "Yeah I'm fine, just wasn't really feeling too well today."

"Did you go too hard on that arm workout? I knew I was kicking your ass but jeez you didn't have to show off that much."

"No, I just don't feel like talking too much today, I've mostly just been sleeping so I'll see you tomorrow."

"OK, I'll see you tomorrow."

I knew that it was total bullshit. It was pretty damn devastating, but maybe if I said it, it could become true. About an hour later, I saw another notification. I opened my messages. I had 4 pictures from Elizabeth of her boobs, ass and...other regions. "Wtf, Elizabeth." I wrote back.

"I saw that Nicole became single, so I can only assume that's what's really going on. I just wanted to cheer you up a bit ;)."

I can't lie, it did help. "Well yeah that was a nice surprise but I'm really just not in the mood for that kind of thing."

"Well just let me know when you want a real girl to show you what's up."

I didn't even reply. Honestly just went back to sleep. I was almost scared to see her the next day. I walked into school and she was the first person I saw as soon as I walked into the building. "Hey there heartbreaker. Follow me," she said with a sly grin.

I followed her as she told me not to speak until we reached the bottom floor of the school in a corner that the cameras couldn't see. She immediately grabbed me by the shirt and pulled my body to hers with her back to the wall. Her lips touched mine and her tongue was suddenly intertwined with my own. It was like there was a fire in my chest and I allowed myself to indulge. I kissed back hard. Images of Nicole began flashing through my head though. I stopped myself and pulled away.

"I can't," I said. "I can't do this to myself. I'm sorry I'm just really going through a lot." I turned my head and walked away from her, back up the stairs and to the locker room. I changed, drank my preworkout and turned on my music. I was so confused now. I had no clue what was going through my head but I knew one thing. Today was the day for hard rock and trap. I didn't have time to listen to music about feelings. I needed to fuck shit up.