Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your piece has been in the green room for a bit so I figured I'd bump it out!!
I really liked this series of poems!! (I noticed that these poems seem to be for some characters you've created, but as I'm not familiar with them, I figured I'd just review them as poems.) You've got a great narrative going here, so much so in fact that I might read back and see what the characters are from!! I really enjoyed the rhyming patterns present and the story was very emotional and moving.
One thing I enjoyed about these poems was the dual personalities you presented in this. I don't think I've ever read a poem written for two characters before, especially in a narrative format, so this was new to me. I think it worked really well, though! It almost reminded me a little of like... a campfire story or folk song that people would pass down. It would be really interesting set to music and performed as a duet, I think! It's also interesting, cause I feel like I never see stuff like this in first person, and normally it's in third to clarify who it's about. First person was an interesting choice, but since you had the names before the poems, it was easier to understand.
One thing I wondered about was your syllable patterns. I feel like the rhythm in this poem is a bit off. Despite rhyming, the syllables were so varied that I never really felt like I was settling into the poem at all. I feel like by establishing a rhythm in the first stanza and then sticking with that rhythm throughout the poem would remedy that issue, but you could also just make your syllable counts more equal and see where that gets you.
Overall: nice work! I really enjoyed the narrative you put forth in this poem, and I loved how you made it rhyme. It's very whimsical yet dark, and I found myself rooting for both characters to be reunited. I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!!
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672
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