Anna-Claire:
I was kidnapped by a wicked muse
And now my sister believes I'm dead.
So I tried to play a song on my flute
In hopes that she would find where it led.
---
Carissa:
My sister is dead, killed by a muse
And now I will avenge her death.
I lead the assassins to find that muse
To help me kill her before she even takes a breath.
---
Anna-Claire:
This isn't how things were supposed to go
Carissa did not answer my song.
So I drugged the muse and went on my way
To find my sister and right this wrong.
---
Carissa:
I heard her flute, but it couldn't be true
Anna-Claire died years ago.
Yet still my assassins follow me
To try to avenge the death in the snow.
---
Anna-Claire:
I formed a group to search for the lost
All of us searching for missing family members.
My sister I know for sure is alive
I just hope that Carissa remembers.
---
Carissa:
Over time, our hope grew dim
The final spark of hope left our heads.
After all this time, I finally know
I firmly believe that Anna-Claire is dead.
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Canary word: Present
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140,238 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your piece has been in the green room for a bit so I figured I'd bump it out!!
I really liked this series of poems!! (I noticed that these poems seem to be for some characters you've created, but as I'm not familiar with them, I figured I'd just review them as poems.) You've got a great narrative going here, so much so in fact that I might read back and see what the characters are from!! I really enjoyed the rhyming patterns present and the story was very emotional and moving.
One thing I enjoyed about these poems was the dual personalities you presented in this. I don't think I've ever read a poem written for two characters before, especially in a narrative format, so this was new to me. I think it worked really well, though! It almost reminded me a little of like... a campfire story or folk song that people would pass down. It would be really interesting set to music and performed as a duet, I think! It's also interesting, cause I feel like I never see stuff like this in first person, and normally it's in third to clarify who it's about. First person was an interesting choice, but since you had the names before the poems, it was easier to understand.
One thing I wondered about was your syllable patterns. I feel like the rhythm in this poem is a bit off. Despite rhyming, the syllables were so varied that I never really felt like I was settling into the poem at all. I feel like by establishing a rhythm in the first stanza and then sticking with that rhythm throughout the poem would remedy that issue, but you could also just make your syllable counts more equal and see where that gets you.
Overall: nice work! I really enjoyed the narrative you put forth in this poem, and I loved how you made it rhyme. It's very whimsical yet dark, and I found myself rooting for both characters to be reunited. I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!!
Thanks for the review! I'll work on the syllables!
No! Don't give up looking, Carissa! (I really like this poem.)
I want to know more about the wicked muse. She started this whole problem and we don't know a thing about her. Well, more than that she's a female muse. Other than that, I do appreciate how little detail is given, as it makes the story sound otherworldly. Time also seems to move quite quickly too.
Thanks for the review!
The wicked muse will be coming up later in my book Vic Lawrence book, and I wanted to keep it a secret who she was so I didn't spoil anything.