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Chapter 2 - The Meeting

by FourLeafClover

The sound of my cousin knocking on my door finally woke me up.

“Go away!” I yelled at him, throwing a random rock at the door. Getting up from my bed, I slipped on a pair of black leggings, a neon orange T-shirt, a sleeveless black leather jacket, and orange high tops. I put up my black hair in ponytail braid with a neon orange hairtie and slung my bag over one shoulder, then flung the door open.

Carter was still standing there.

“What part of go away do you not understand?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

“Um… sorry?” he answered questioningly. “Anyway, I was told that you wanted me and Lotus for something.” Carter glanced next to him and I saw Lotus standing to the side, glaring at Carter.

Lotus threw a rock at Carter. “And I can tell her myself that I’m here, thank you very much,” she told him. She put her ash blonde hair up in a high ponytail and added, “Hi, Vic. What do you need us for?”

“Okay, so, long story short, there’s a quest. And I’m supposed to choose three girls and three guys to come with me. I figured that you two would be good for the quest, but I also have no idea who else to take. Any ideas?”

Lotus tilted her head back and thought about it. “Maybe… maybe Savannah? She’s good at fighting and survival, so she could help with any self-defense.”

“All right,” I agreed, grabbing a notepad. I made a column for girls and a column for boys and wrote Vic Lawrence, Lotus Smith, and Savannah Starstruck in the girls’ column, the wrote Carter Lawrence in the boys’ column. “Who else do you think? Oh, maybe Delly. She’s good with hunting.” I added Delly Meinheart to the girls’ column. “Okay, now we just need two more boys.”

“How about Wyatt?” asked Carter. “He’s good with survival.”

I nodded in agreement and added Wyatt Woods to the boys’ column. “Oh, and Savannah’s twin, Taylor. He’s good at navigation.” I added Taylor Starstruck to the boys’ column, then breathed out a sigh of relief because the list was complete.

“Great,” Lotus said, “the list is finished. Now, let’s get ready for the quest and get the others. Carter, you go round them up.”

Carter nodded and sprinted off in the direction of the other huts without looking back.

I gestured for Lotus to come inside and we headed to the loose floorboard. We pried it up and coughed as the dust flew up into our faces. Once the dust cleared, we removed a box of bows and arrows and knives. Then we took out a bunch of sacks so people could have somewhere to put their weapons and stuff. We also found a bunch of water bottles that would magically keep liquid at whatever temperature the user prefers. They were pretty awesome water bottles, in my opinion.

Lotus grabbed a box of matches. “Just in case,” she told me, slipping it into her bag. “We might need it.”

A knock came from the door.

“Come in!” I called, not turning around yet; the door opened, letting Savannah and Taylor in.

“Hey,” Savannah said, plopping down on the ground next to Lotus. She had a sword in hand and a double headed battleaxe strapped to her back. Her caramel- colored hair was in two boxer braids down her back, and she didn’t seem to mind that it wasn’t brushed.

Taylor sat down next to her and said, “Hi. What’s going on?” He had the same hair color, pale green eyes, and freckles as Savannah, but that was where the similarities stopped. Instead of looking ready for battle, he looked more like he was about to hike the Appalachian Trail. He wore clothes for hiking, he had a hiking backpack filled with hiking gear, and also stuff for hunting.

Just then, my gay cousin came back with Wyatt and Delly. He blushed the instant he saw Taylor and turned his face away to hide it.

Rolling my eyes, I thought Great, just great. We’ll have to worry about feelings, too. How fun. And no, I do not have a problem with people being LGBT+. I’m lesbian, so it’s not exactly like I can be homophobic. I just don’t want to have to worry about how people might act if their crushes die on the quest. Speaking of the quest… . “Okay, so, there’s gonna be a quest thingy. Here’re the lines of the prophecy,” I told them, then recited what the Oracle had said.

The others stared at me with a mixture of excitement and fear on their faces. I didn’t blame them for the fear. This quest was going to be really dangerous, after all.

“So…” Delly finally said, “we don’t know what a lot of this means - which sucks - but we do know that we need to, uh, go west to save a village. You’ll be leading us to find the songs Olympus lacks, whatever that means. And there’s also a beast in some cave pretty far east, and we have to kill it by uniting some stars. That sounds… not that easy.”

“Really?” Lotus asked with mock shock. “Are you sure? That sounds entirely unlikely. Where could you have ever gotten that idea?” She looked at me and rolled her eyes.

I gave her a warning glance and turned back to Delly. “Yeah, it probably won’t be that easy, and there are some things we don’t know. But we’ll figure it out allong the way, don’t worry. We’ll get through this - this quest, whatever it is. So don’t worry about not knowing things. That’s not our main concern yet. What we should worry about, though, is how we plan to get to around, how we plan to stay alive, and other things like that. So, any ideas?”

Carter raised his hand, so I nodded in his direction. He said, “So… for the getting around part, we could go on foot? Or maybe find some horses? Or Vic or I could try building some sort of vehicle.” When he finished stating his idea, he glanced at Taylor to see if he approved. Fortunately for him, Taylor was nodding along.

Savannah’s hand subconsciously reached up to her battleaxe. “For survival, we’ll need to hunt and gather food for, well, eating, and bring water for drinking, along with iodine pills to purify water. We’ll also need to find a good place each night to set up camp; make sure the area is okay and anybody trying to stop us wouldn’t try to find us there. Oh, and we’ll need to dress accordingly to the weather. I probably shouldn’t say much else, because the gods tend to change things up a lot, and it would be a bad idea to bring too many things we won’t end up using.”

“Got it,” I said. “All right, guys, pack your stuff, and we’ll meet up by the gates and leave.”

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238 Reviews

Points: 23883
Reviews: 238

Sat Apr 24, 2021 3:32 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi FourLeafClover,

Mailice back here with a new review! :D

I really enjoyed the second chapter. It felt like one of those "trailblazer" chapters where you get to know the characters, but also kind of transition between the first one where the prophecy was heard and the next one.
But especially because the reader were introduced to the new characters, I liked it too. One was already able to distinguish a little bit who was speaking based on the dialogue and from that I conclude that they already have certain differences and personalities.

"Go away!" I yelled at him, throwing a random rock at the door. Getting up from my bed, I slipped on a pair of black leggings, a neon orange T-shirt, a sleeveless black leather jacket, and orange high tops. I put up my black hair in ponytail braid with a neon orange hairtie and slung my bag over one shoulder, then flung the door open.

I would rewrite some things here so that you don't keep reading "orange". Maybe you could change it so that by means of a clever sentence you learn that her favourite colour is orange or something. Otherwise it reads a bit badly.

Rolling my eyes, I thought Great, just great.

I would highlight her train of thought in italic or something, otherwise it's easy to mistake it for her narrating. With the following sentences, I'm not sure exactly how far this is told from her perspective or not, so I think this part could also be highlighted a little differently.

Apart from these two points, I didn't notice anything that was bad. I liked this chapter and I am very curious to see what happens next. The preparations seem to be progressing well and it seems to me that the various characters already know each other to some extent, which helps to avoid having to add an introduction in the coming chapters about who can do what or something.
I think that's going to be the interesting thing when the group falls into conversation soon, and they tell each other things that everyone knows about and just the reader doesn't. That's where you'll have to come up with something skillful to thread it to get the necessary information across to the reader. :D

Have a great rest of your writing!


Thanks for the review!
I'll work on making incorporating the part about the orange, and I'll also work on the thought process.

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321 Reviews

Points: 53
Reviews: 321

Fri Apr 23, 2021 2:08 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...

Hey! It’s me again! Here to review your work as promised!
This chapter contained a lot to unpack. We are now introduced to our cast of characters, all of whom seem to be familiar with each other. The way they talk about each other, I get the feeling that they are classmates, but most of them seem to old to be in school? Are they Co-Workers? Neighbors? Jut as in the last chapter, I hope to see you exploring Characters Relationships more!
Speaking of which, props to you for representing LGBTQ characters, but I thought you could’ve handled it a little bit better.
Firstly, saying “My Gay Cousin walked into the room” Is a little off putting, because it takes a moment to piece together who you are talking about. Second, immediately clarifying that you don’t have a problem with LGBT people throws off the flow, a lot.
Thirdly, your character than proclaims that she is a Lesbian, so she can’t be Homophobic. This is something a Lesbian character (Or any character who isn’t homophobic) would not think. She is annoyed that her Cousin is crushing on someone, it probably wouldn’t even occur to her to think “Oh, but it isn’t homophobia”
I think if you want to make this passage more clear and concise, in a way that still establishes everything without breaking the flow, I would suggest that perhaps Carter mentions Taylor as an option for the Quest, and then when they all meet up, he blushes when he sees him. This still implies he has a Crush. Remember, Show, not Tell.
Overall, however, I really enjoyed this chapter. I especially enjoyed it when you compared the twins, as I thought it was a great way to describe them! I’m super excited to see what you do with these characters! Keep on writing, and have a fantastic day! :D

Horisun says...

Oh! One other thing I forgot to ask; is the Orange Shirt at the beginning of the chapter a Percy Jackson reference?

Thank you for the review!
Yeah, I wasn't really sure how to make Vic react to that, so I was like "Well shoot, let's just see what happens I guess," which was really dumb of me.
Also, no, it's not a PJO reference. I actually completely forgot that the Camp Half-Blood shirts were orange until you mentioned it.

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121 Reviews

Points: 21970
Reviews: 121

Wed Apr 21, 2021 12:21 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...

Hi there, stygianmoon17 here for a review :D

This chapter was great in setting up the main quest, it was intriguing and gave a lot of information about each character, making them all more interesting than the last.

I felt like some things were a bit weaker in this introduction to your story,
- the setting
- the introduction of your characters

First off, the setting. I have no idea what this world is. Is it an RPG and this is happening in a video game ? Or is this real life, but with monsters ? Or is it a totally different world, with fantasy-style landscapes ? It would be nice to show the outside world a bit, before introducing characters, so we don't feel overwhelmed later on.

Then, the introduction of your characters. The first three were pretty strongly presented, I had a clear image of each of their personalities and the way they interacted with the group, but then you introduced way too many characters that arrives way too fast and so I was lost. The introduction of every character after the three main ones, felt the same too. They arrive, they say a few words, then sit down. And there's a little description of their appearances beforehand.

Maybe you could've cut down the number of characters introduced in this chapter, and for example during their journey, they meet some characters that tag along ?
Or maybe instead of saying things like "Just then, my gay cousin came back with Wyatt and Delly. " or "yeah let's take him, he's good at navigation", we could learn about those traits as the story unfolds? And not as an introduction to their character ?


Just then, my gay cousin came back with Wyatt and Delly. He blushed the instant he saw Taylor and turned his face away to hide it.

Maybe they knew each other before, but how does he just instantly fall in love with him ? You know, gay people don't just jump on guys the moment they see them. They learn about each other, they interact with each other, they spend some time with each other- just like it works with straight people.
I think their relationship you've been setting up would've been way more powerful if it grew like, well, a natural relationship.

Have a great day <33

They're currently in Vic's hut right outside the Underworld (their world revolves around Greek mythology).
Yeah, looking back on it, I did really poorly with describing the characters and the setting. I'll try to improve it and show more of their characters as soon as I can!
And yes, Carter already knew Taylor.
Thanks for the feedback, and I hope you have a great day, too!

The only person I know for certain I am better than is the person I used to be.
— CandyWizard