Young Writers Society

Hi, I would like to say that you make a good story. I usually make a good horror story but then it's usually not good enough and then quit on my stories because they are ugly. I wish i can write like that. Your story was pretty... touching. I'm sorry about my previous reviews. I just wanted to be a better writer, but instead I caused more harm than good.
Here's my review: Even thought the language is in Bengali, and I don't know the language, I think this story is super good. My reason is because I liked how you introduced the story, about the man leaving from the house and then having his son, Rhea, take care of the home.
When he was trying to be in charge in his house, he also contacted his best friend, Mina. but then in one of his messages, Mina didn't answer.
Then when he was in a situation where his house had a blackout however, he saw his friend Mina, who's in this house as a weird ghost or something, and she became dark, and ended up sending Rhea with him by taking his soul.
I don't know what I hated in this paragraph, because I was too upset at the time... But one of the pet peeves that should be changed for the story is that you should add an english translation of this short story. (It can be here, or in another draft portfolio.) You don't have to do it, but maybe do it, so that, other people other than Bengali language people can understand your story. And not get confused on some of the words. I also got confused with some of the people in the story. Another weird pet peeve question: Is Mina supposed to be a powerful ghost (or god?) or something like that? Because this story (at the ending) has something to do with taking the person's souls to the spirit world.

All in all this story is nice. I like the beggining, middle, and end, and yeah it's about the friendship story of Mina and Rhea, and Mina who then dies, takes Rhea with her as a spirit. This story was sad but it's good once you get the hang of understanding this story. And yeah, translate it when you get the chance. I I cried along the way, understanding this review ( ;-; ) , but now I've cheered up and I hope you like this and give this story some love. From, @BeingRivy.

Hey Forever!
Just wanted to say that I liked your story and reading it was a nostalgic experience for me. It made me think of those Bengali short stories book that my uncle used to gift me as a kid. That's where I learned to read Bengali from. Your writing style and dialogues are reminiscent of those stories.
It was a pleasant surprise to see Bengali here.
Hope to read more of your stories

Hi Forever,

Mailice here with a short review!

Let's start right away, I don't know Bengali and have only had the text translated by several translation software, so that I first get an overview of what exactly it's about, so that I can write a little about the story itself.

I assume that the title is meant more in the sense of "friendship", but I felt that this did not come across so directly in the text. So in a nutshell, Ron goes on holiday and a friend is looking after his house. In the process, there's a brief power cut and Rhea tries to contact Mina, and then I kind of lose the thread. I think it goes more towards some kind of reveal or shock at the end, as it seems like it's quite an open ending.

I actually found it very interesting that you took some time here to write more of Ron at the beginning, and his hobby, though we never see him, so I strongly assume that's part of the plot as well. I actually think it's an interesting story, where I probably can't interpret some of the cultural aspects (I just found out that Harihar is a city in India), but like that even though I had to translate it, I could see your style there, how you build your stories.

I found the dialogue to have a similar style to what I've read a few times before and also that your pacing in the fourth section was a bit fast. Of course, since I don't know how it sounds in Bengali, I think it can be paced well. D It was definitely a short story in terms of structure and it got to the point quite quickly, which I liked.

As I said, since I haven't read it in the original language, I can't really give a critique or how you meant everything, but I still think it's very nice that you published such a text. Maybe it will help to get more readers if you add your own translation afterwards.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Hello, Forever.

I thought this was Hindi. Thanks to RandomTalks for mentioning what language this is. If you provide an English translation of the work along with this there is a higher chance of getting more reviews. I remember when I posted a Tamil poem, I provided an English translation. Of course, translations are tiring and consuming and might not even capture the essence of the original content but it helps. And I believe we become a good critic ourselves and of our creativity when we attempt to translate. It's just a suggestion.

Keep writing! (I will be tagging this as a comment.)

Hey Forever!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

To say I was surprised when I stumbled upon a Bengali work over here at YWS, would be an understatement. I had no idea you were a Bengali! Anyways, since this is a review let's get on with that.

This was a really good short story. The introduction was very well written, and you have set up the scene with excellence. It almost felt like those short stories they used to make us read in school with the hope that we would one bring somewhat decent marks. Most short stories have a clear path and an objective it delivers. This one was great. There was an aura of mystery throughout, but the clash of the title with the actual theme of the story was the most interesting thing about it. It is obvious that Mina is dead, and since she could see her friend Riya, she is going to take her along with her, which obviously means that Riya is going to end up dead as well. Friendship that is usually associated with love, support and compassion has been twisted into this...dependency that eventually spelled doom for Riya. It was a bit satirical actually.

There were a few typos. In the third paragraph, when Riya opens the door of the house you misspell "baari" as "bar", which gives it a total different meaning. The others weren't as drastic, so I am not mentioning those.

This was great and different. Keep up the good work and have a great day!