Hi there! I'm che, or green, and I'm here to give a quick review!
First, I loved this! I might be bias because i also love Freddie Mercury aha. I like how it reads almost like a story about his life. I loved the imagery! It was really vivid and beautiful. You had some lovely metaphors.
I don't have any criticisms in terms of content however I do have some in terms of structure. I think that it would be better to break it up so that each sentence is on a different line, like a regular poem. Kinda like what Elinor mentioned in their review.
Consider starting the poem with his name and then using 'he' throughout.
That way, it's still in three distinct parts but looks like a poem.
Hope this helps
Keep writing!
Points: 6841
Reviews: 235
Donate