Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
A/N: I'm sorry about the swearing, but this is how I feel right now and it's not good for me to keep it in. So here we go. Sorry.
yay. we're Perfect.
i'm so happy
wow. is this how being Perfect feels?
like you're going to die?
then i'd rather be an imperfect human being
with nothing to show
oh wait.
this must be what she felt like
when she said
"give that little raincloud a hug"
but i don't have anything to hug the raincloud
not right now.
"fuck you. go to hell."
my brain
my family
screaming.
A language i don't feel i belong to. et språk jeg ikke føler jeg tilhører.
help
mercy
save the world.
Wow.
video game references?
now?
i really am Perfect.
but what is that?
what is Perfect?
What the hell is it?
a wise person once said
"Perfect doesn't exist"
but why do we have that word?
To make ourselves self-conscious?
To always strive for something
that can never be achieved?
Fuck Perfect.
Fuck everything
"a poem is never finished
it just stops moving"
.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello! Manilla here for a review. Let's get right into it, shall we?
After reading this poem and its chaotic yet purposeful format, the message to me is...clear yet unclear. In the beginning, the narrator realizes they have achieved a high level of happiness they are unsatisfied with. But soon after, it reveals that the narrator is suffering the opposite - bitter feelings of self-resentment. This transition and the reason why is one of the unclear things.
I'm not sure what this means, too; maybe a reference used to instill positivity back? Some lost joy?
The reader is aware the narrator is struggling with family problems related to this concept played with, perfection, but once again, why? How did it come to this?
The ending is strong. The narrator decides that they should look beyond the desperate viewpoints of "Perfection" and live for something else. Also, I really liked the quote at the end.
If you ever want to talk, hit me up <3 Don't ever worry.
So, final comments! There are lots of emotions stirring in this piece that are waiting to be unlocked, fully shown to the reader. You're puzzling out a world in front of you, but aren't we all?
Lastly and most importantly, we feel like you belong here <3
That's all from me!
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem rude or unhelpful. That was not my intention.)
Thank you so much for reviewing manilla! The first you mentioned, it was a bit unclear, but I'm actually talking about a game character (wow I'm so nerdy), so yeah. I don't really know how to explain it. Thank you so much manilla!
You're welcome <3333
oml remind me to review this <33333
I. LOVE. THIS. POEM!!!!!
PM Me anytime you need to talk, I will do my best to help. That's what I'm here for.
Thank you so much! It's a lot coming from you since you write such good poems.
You're welcome! Do you want me to tag you when I write a new poem? My newest is called Strong, I'll have another one in a couple days.
Oh, I'll go check it out! Sure!
Hello,
Overall, I like this poem. a lot The scattered form is interesting -- it's very chaotic and scrambled, yet at the same time the narrator's anguish really pulsates through the page. You also prove to be a pretty clever wordsmith, like switching languages to sardonically describe a sense of not belonging. And the phrase "give that little raincloud a hug" is absolutely beautiful.
Just have one minor nitpick because this poem feels about as close to complete as a poem can come to complete: When it comes to the line "i don't have anything to hug the raincloud" I would suggest replacing the word 'anything'. Because, what is anything? It doesn't mean anything, it doesn't actually tell the reader anything.
On a more personal note, I think poetry is a very healthy method for exploration and emotional release, so I'm glad you decided to write this. But sometimes it also helps to have someone to talk to. Hopefully you have a family member or friend who would be willing to hear you out, or feel free to send me a PM if you can't think of anyone and need someone as a last resort to vent to. I don't bite.
Thank you so much for the review! "Give that little raincloud a hug" Isn't my phrase though. It's a video game reference. But thank you so much for taking time out of your day to review my piece.