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Young Writers Society



How Was Your Day? - Chapter 7.1

by Que


September 17 • Tuesday

(4:49 pm)

"It's funny how an event can be life-changing when nothing else changes around you, like a lightning strike that electrifies you, but leaves you physically the same, and your surroundings are untouched. I feel that way now: something happened, and now I have a purpose. It came to me, it found me, not the other way around, and I've lived my life so long without it that I'm not sure I want it- or need it.

"I've been running for so long I'm afraid to stand still. I've been looking behind for so long I'm afraid to look forward. I've been-"

"We're here for research, not blog writing- you know that, right?" Mia asked, interrupting Finnley in his typing.

"Inspiration strikes when it strikes," Finnley said, returning to the screen. Mia scrunched up her face in concentration as she leaned in to read over his shoulder.

"You think we shouldn't pursue this," she said flatly, and Finnley shifted in his seat.

"We don't know where to begin. We don't know what we're up against. The last time this creature struck was years ago- we should be safe."

"The last time it struck that we know of," Mia corrected. "Don't you see? This has been happening for longer than we could ever know. My grandma, she was onto something. My uncle too."

"And they both disappeared," Finnley argued, turning fully towards Mia. "You think two teenagers are going to change anything? Avoid consequences of looking into this further?"

Mia's eyes narrowed and she shut the book she had been reading. "I think that the consequences are inconsequential. This isn't the first mysterious occurrence, and I don't think it will be the last. Do you really think that creature is the only thing lurking in the forest? In this town? For the first time, things are clear to me. My grandma wasn't crazy- she was right. She knew something, and she was going to do something about it for the greater good, to heck with the consequences. Someone has to continue what she started. Why on earth can't it be us?"

Finnley sat in silence for a minute, the ticking of a clock the loudest thing in the quiet library. "You're right." His voice was just as soft, almost strangled. He cleared his throat and tried again, louder. "You're right. I was just afraid of where it might go."

"So you're not backing out?"

"I'm not backing out." He held out a hand to her, a half smile on his face. She took it in her own and held it tight before shanking it. "I don't think the library is being very helpful- the old newspapers are sectioned off, and the books don't tell us the things we want to know about the history of this town and the forest."

"I sure agree with you on that," Mia said, frowning at the stack of books on the table in front of her. Then her eyes slowly lit up. "Maybe... I swear my grandma used to keep a journal. We have to have a box of her old stuff somewhere. It would be a better start than we're getting here." She looked sidelong at Finnley and grinned. "Want to come over to my place and actually meet my parents?" Finnley smiled in return.

The sun was still blazing, but the air was already much cooler than it had been over the summer and at the start of the school year. Finnley glanced over at Mia, who was wearing a scarlet shirt with jean shorts- she really seemed to have a thing for that color. She walked tall and strong with her chin up, facing forward with shoulders thrown back. Everything about her was strong and bold, and sometimes Finnley wished he could borrow just an ounce of that courage.

Mia fished her keys from her pocket and unlocked the door, holding it open long enough for Finnley to slip inside before closing and locking it again. She set her backpack on a chair and her keys on the counter. Once again, the sight and smell of a hundred plants greeted Finnley, and he was nearly attacked by a large bush lurking just behind the door.

"Up here!" Mia called, and Finnley heard her footsteps on the stairs as her voice floated down to him. He clambered up after her, gazing at the wall as he went up, which was filled with pictures of Mia with her family. It made his heart fill with yearning for reasons he didn't want to dwell on. There was no possibility of that now.

Mia lead him through a small hallway, pointing out her room as they went, but they didn't stop there. At the end of the hall, there was a door in the ceiling with a long string attached to it. Mia braced herself and pulled on it, opening the door and letting down a small ladder, which she then swiftly scaled, disappearing into the dark attic. Finnley followed more cautiously, as he was slightly apprehensive when it came to heights- or dark attics.

Finnley probed into the darkness with his hand, unsure how to proceed. Should he pull himself all the way into the attic? Before he could decide, another hand shot out and grabbed his. He shrieked but managed to hold on to the ladder. A snorting laugh sounded from the darkness, and suddenly he felt a little embarrassed. It was just Mia.

She pulled him all the way into the attic, then shut the door, enclosing them completely in the darkness before a little click sounded and a yellow light flickered into existence above them. Finnley stared around in amazement. The room was full of old boxes, furniture, journals.

"Well," said Mia, straightening. "Looks like we have a lot to look through, don't we?"

"I think a lot is a bit of an underestimation here," Finnley breathed.

"We'd better get started, then," Mia said, smiling as she turned to the nearest box and brushed off the dust. "Remember, we want anything related to mysterious disappearances, what's going on in the forest, or my uncle." She dug in. 


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Sat Dec 30, 2017 8:32 am
Panikos wrote a review...



Hi, Querencia. Pan back again for a (hopefully) quick review. Same drill as last time.

The last time this creature struck was years ago- we should be safe."


Wait, didn't this creature technically strike a few days ago? I mean, it tried to kill Finnley and Mia, didn't it? Unless he only means 'struck' as in killed, but that would need to be clearer.

I don't really get why he says 'we should be safe', either. Isn't he expressing doubt? It doesn't seem to go with the rest of the sentence.

She took it in her own and held it tight before shanking it.


Obviously just a typo, but it made me laugh. The idea of her taking his hand and then just randomly stabbing it.

as he was slightly apprehensive when it came to heights- or dark attics.


I feel like it should be 'and dark attics' seeing as he's apprehensive of both.

Not many little nitpicks for this chapter, which is always a plus. I've no major complaints at all, either. I like how I can see Mia and Finnley growing more comfortable in their friendship. They're getting to the stage where they can challenge each other and argue more easily. I almost feel like that dispute about whether to pursue the truth about the forest should've been more sustained, more developed. Would Finnley not think of his mother in all of this? He almost died a few nights ago. He could die for the truth. It's all very well for Mia to say the consequences don't matter, but Finnley is all his mother has left, and she's obviously really worried about him. If he dies, what would she do? I can't believe this wouldn't at least pass his mind, even if he brushed it off because he didn't want to think about it too much.

It's another small point, but wouldn't Finnley be a little more uneasy about trawling through a lot of Mia's family's personal documents and diaries? It makes sense for Mia to not care, because she's very open and doesn't seem to have a big sense of privacy, but if I were Finnley I'd be a bit awkward. He still doesn't know her that well. If they're searching for his grandma's diary, there's going to be a lot of stuff in there that isn't about magical forests. Journals are personal things.

Perhaps he's just not thought about that yet, or perhaps it'll come up in later parts of the chapter. I just thought I'd bring it up.

Nevertheless, those questions aside, this was an enjoyable chapter. Nicely paced, though I think you could've drawn out the dispute about pursuing the truth a little longer, and I felt like they transitioned from being in the library to being in Mia's home quite suddenly. Still, this is one of the most polished chapters I've read yet in this story, and I'm looking forward to seeing what things they uncover in the attic. And to meeting Mia's parents!

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:30 am
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Snazzy wrote a review...



Hello Falco!

I know I haven't been reviewing these as faithfully as I have wished, but I'm back! (And almost kind of sort of catching up!) First off, I want to personally congratulate you for making Finnley so relatable - at least to me. Anyway, on with the review! :D

...and your surroundings are untouched.


I think this part of the simile is unneeded. It seems a bit redundant. I get what you mean after you said "leaves you physically the same". Or use the other and take the former out. I think it would help you a bit more when writing concisely (something I'm terrible at, as you can probably tell).

It came to me, it found me, not the other way around, and I've lived my life so long without it that I'm not sure I need it- or want it.


Okay, first of all, I can sure relate Finn. However, I think this combines too many independent clauses together. I know this is a grammar thing, but this one did trip me up a bit while reading. I would consider revising (shortening) the sentence, or splitting it up into 2 or more. But man, do I relate...

The last time this creature struck was years ago- we should be safe.


I'm a bit confused here... it seems like he's taking the opposite side (Mia's) about pursuing this. UNLESS, he was saying something like "...was years ago- we should of been safe. See the emphasis change? Just like I've learned in music (with a very funny example), emphasis and almost accented words can change the entire meaning. But if you were going for the former, that was kind of puzzling to me - unless he was arguing with himself. :P (Which I can also relate to.)

The only other thing that confused me the tiniest bit was when Mia joked about "actually meeting her parents for real". I get the joke, but then Finnley didn't even see her parents (or at least not before they went searching in the attic). Just a minor thing.

As a last note, I'm wondering what Mia's parents will think about all of this... or will they keep it a secret from them as long as they can so they don't freak out on them? If that's the case, then I guess Finnley screaming wasn't a smart move on his part. XD I would just keep in mind how you are going to have them play into it.

Anyway, that's all from me! :) I enjoyed this chapter part a lot, and I can't wait to see what the find! :3

-Snazzy




Que says...


Thanks for the review! I'm not sure if I'm going to leave the grammar issues in Finn's blog- after all, he's just writing it unedited and he's a teenager too and all that.
Also that one safe sentence- I meant it as in him thinking, "we should be safe--- let's not disturb it"
Thanks again! Really appreciate it. :)



Snazzy says...


Oh, I see! And yeah, grammar mistakes could make the blog more fitting to his personality... I never thought of that!

No problem! :3



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Sun Apr 30, 2017 2:32 am
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Steggy wrote a review...



Hello, Dino here for a short review!

I haven't read the previous chapters so forgive me if I get anything wrong!

Your beginning is wonderfully written. However, since it is a thing written instead of spoken, I think you should make it noticeable that it is not being spoken with italics or something of the sort. It might help the reader pick between the two.
There were, in some places, where you used a hyphen instead of a period. I think when you use a hyphen, it should be for compound adjectives or something of the sort. Not for ending a single thought and continuing on. xP

Finnley sat in silence for a minute, the ticking of a clock the loudest thing in the quiet library.


I think you meant to put a 'was' after clock. ;) Also, I think these one big sentence should split into two sentences mainly. It seems less awkward like the original way, if that makes sense.

It made his heart fill with yearning for reasons he didn't want to dwell on. There was no possibility of that now.


You're starting to like Mia, Finny. Admit it.

This was a nice little read and I enjoyed the character development. I can't wait to see what happens next!

If you have any questions, let me know!

Dino




Que says...


Thanks for the review! Honestly I meant that yearning as him wanting the happy family he could never have, but yep yep he likes Mia too. I ship them. XD Thanks for the advice. :)



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Wed Apr 26, 2017 7:53 pm
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hi Falconer! So sorry I didn't review your previous chapters--I'm gonna compensate by this review!

Looks like they're starting to try to figure out the mysteriousness here! I'm liking your characters more and more. Finnley used to be like an oyster but now I feel like he's opening up. He's bolder. I'm not sure the old Finnley would have agreed to go researching :) Mia is really a bouncy character and she's so fun to read about.

I just want to say that it feels odd in my opinion that Mia suddenly realized that her grandma kept a journal. I guess it would be less sudden if they were chatting about primary sources and it led to journals...to grandma's journal. Or if they were rifling through the newspapers and the mustiness reminded Mia of the attic. Or something else. Reading back, I see that there is a trigger indeed...but perhaps "books" could be something more specific? The hummingbird in me tells me to move on, so that's what I'll do before it becomes too rambly.

Another thing I want to mention is that perhaps there could be more specificity when it comes to details. For example, in the attic scene, it's just "full of old boxes, furniture, journals". I suppose a tad more specificity could be added. Such as, "Couches and chairs, their covers moth-eaten, lay stacked on top of each other in a corner" or something like that! It might be just me, but I do love specificity when it comes to detail (but not overload of course! :D).

Finnley followed more cautiously, as he was slightly apprehensive when it came to heights- or dark attics.


I guess the "slightly" threw me off. Judging from his later behavior, it seems as though he is apprehensive about it. I think he can remove it. I also believe you do some showing here: like he kept looking down or kept his eyes fixated up, or took a loooong time to climb up :).

Other than that, your story's picking up and it's getting exciting! Feel free to use any of my suggestions or not and I hope you have a great day!

~Princess Ink~




Que says...


Mm I guess I'll have to explain what made Mia think of the journal, thanks. Also, I don't actually have an old attic (I wish) so I have no idea what would be there and decided to be a bit vague hoping no one would notice. XD And yes I suppose I could add a spot of description about Finnley's ascent~ Thank you for the review!




akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon