Fur Feathers Scales and Stars - 2.4

   “What are these stick things?” Oran whispered to Minia. He didn’t really understand the concept of whispering, unfortunately, and simply spoke at normal volume with his hand shielding his mouth.

“They’re called legs,” The Archess said, frowning at her son. “It’s how they get around. Their ears are perfectly functional though so mind your manners!”

Oran rolled his eyes at Minia who scowled at him and turned to face Margo and the rest of the crew. Presumably she was far too old to behave so rudely in front of guests. Chip and McCaw joined them again as they observed the royal siblings.

But Oran wasn’t finished. “And look at that one!” - pointing a finger coated in baby fat at Kernik - “It has one-two-three-four-five-seven-six-eight legs! And for such a tiny little-”

“I’ll thank you not to talk about my Executive Engineer that way, young one!” Chip glared at the noble child then up at his mother. There was a steely set to her jaw but she said nothing. Chip may have spoken more impudently to her son than he’d ever been spoken to in his life, but it had been Oran who stepped out of line. The Archess couldn’t challenge him.

“Oran, Minia, why don’t you go out into the garden for a while? It’s lovely outside.” She spoke the words of an offer but her jaw was still set and Oran had the sense at least not to object.

McCaw had returned to the rest of the crew along with Chip. His eyes stayed fixed on Chip throughout the discussion, his forehead creased in a deep frown.

“Dr. Whipple,” McCaw said, once the children were outside, “could I have a word?”

Margo sighed and started towards him.

“Wait!” The Archess’ head snapped round from watching her children through an open patio door to McCaw and then to Margo. “You’re a doctor? Medical?”

Margo nodded. “I’m head doctor on the ship. My second in command, Louis, is incredibly competent though, so it’s fine for me to be here … Your Eminence.”

She tried to bow but was too distracted by McCaw who was still frowning.

“Please, I wouldn’t normally ask, but the circumstances … it’s an emergency.”

Margo’s eyes widened at the thought that the Archess would ask for anything. “How can I help?”

“There was a cave-in at one of our drill sites,” she explained, gesturing at Hodda to come forward. “Hodda, fetch Dreko. He’s got the updates.”

Hodda bowed and bumped off, risking a few short bursts of flight every so often to hurry him along. Whoever Dreko was, things were already moving much too quickly for the Archess’ request to really have been a question at all.

The Archess was continuing, “Our only doctor at the facility - his wife is gravely injured, and he refuses to leave her side. There are workers with injuries that could prove fatal. Please say you will help them.”

“Of course, my lady!” Margo bowed properly this time, then remembered who she actually answered to. “If my Captain can spare me, that is.”

Chip’s frown vanished from his face. “Of course, Margo. Go, do your job!”

Margo let out a long, deep sigh and grinned. Captain Chip Puccoon was still in there under all the grief and guilt. All it took to find him was the timeless constancy of Margo having sick and injured people to treat.

“I still need to talk to you,” McCaw said.

His frown was not as deep as it had been a moment ago, but it was by no means gone. In fact, as he spoke, it deepened into its original severity.

“Oh, I’m sure you all have a good deal of talking to do,” the Archess said. She waved a dismissive hand. “When Hodda gets back with Dreko, he’ll want to arrange your travel, Doctor, but after that I’ll get Hodda to show you to some guest rooms. You can talk there.”

Margo had never been inside a palace on Earth but if it was anything like this one it was hardly surprising the humans had been loath to share their wealth with the newly Conscious animals of the world. That was, as far as she knew, why they’d been sent into space. Or maybe she’d just been listening to the grumblings of the Bug Division too much recently.

There wasn’t much time to enjoy the luxury, however. As soon as they were all in the room, Chip was calling for them all to find a place to sit and listen to what he had to say.

“Well, I guess we couldn’t really have thought we could escape him.” Chip sighed and glanced around the crew.

Margo could feel McCaw’s eyes firmly on her. She looked up at him - he was perched on one of the bedposts - and he jerked his head towards Chip, then widened his eyes and intensified his stare. So this was what he’d wanted to talk to her about, what Chip had so freaked him out by saying to him. But what on Earth was it?

“Escape who, Chip?” Margo tried to keep her eyes on Chip while she spoke to him, but McCaw’s fidgeting made it almost impossible to concentrate.

Chip’s gaze was also twitching in McCaw’s direction but he shook his head and stared straight at Margo.

“Lezeki, of course.” He spread his hands wide and raised his eyebrows. “Who the hell else?”

Margo jerked her head towards McCaw but he was just staring at Chip. Treego and Kernik’s jaws were hanging open, which was especially impressive for Kernik, whose jaw really was far too small to hang.

“Don’t you see?” Chip continued. “He’s manipulating the gravity, just like he manipulated our climate. It’s just another aspect of the environment. It has to be him.”

Mercifully, this was followed immediately by a knock on the door.

“Dr Whipple?” called a deep, gravelly voice.

Margo’s voice caught in her throat but she dragged her eyes off Chip and faced the door. She stumbled towards it, then hopped onto her back legs and slammed the door handle down. The door opened slightly, but most of the force had gone downwards so the person behind the door had to push it open further. As a result, Margo nearly clashed into the visitor and had to stagger backwards to avoid injury.

Well, at least that obliterated the tension, Margo thought, as she straightened herself up.

The visitor was another of the species they’d dealt with so far. His bottom half was particularly sleek and his top half was muscular. He had short dark hair and some stubble on coarse olive skin.

“Hi,” he said, readjusting a thin blue tracksuit jacket, “I’m Dreko. I’ve been sent to brief you about the drill site.”

Margo checked over her shoulder but Dart and Kernik’s mouths had shut and Chip was sat on the bed checking something on his comms unit … although she doubted he was actually getting any signal.

“Wonderful,” she said, stepping back so that he could come into the room properly, “Well, not wonderful. It sounds like a tragedy. But after some … things that have been happening recently … it’s nice to know what I’m doing again.”

He didn’t move any further forward and said, “Actually, I need you to come down to the communications room. There’s video footage of the accident down there. You alright to come down just now or do you all … need a moment?”

Without looking back, Margo shook her head and said, “No, no we’re fine. Let’s go.”

About an hour later, Margo was about to nudge the door to their room open. She’d left it slightly open when she left so that she wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of the handle again, but now she realised it was firmly shut. Someone else must have left since she’d gone. Maybe everyone was out trying to find dinner. She sighed and braced herself to jump up to the handle.

“Kernik, wait!” Chip’s voice had regained all the tension that her crash into Dreko had snapped them out of.

“Yes, sir?” Margo had never noticed how deep Kernik’s voice was. It came out of such a small creature that she’d always assumed it was very thin. Through a door, he sounded like an animal several hundred times his size.

Margo sighed again and placed her ear to the door. Obviously this was not a conversation to interrupt, but she knew McCaw would never forgive her if she didn’t keep track of their Captain’s increasingly fragile mental state. Lezeki, really? And the evidence he’d suggested was really bloody thin. Did he honestly believe there was no question that this was being caused by Lezeki?

“I just wanted to say,” Chip began. He didn’t sound scared exactly, but definitely nervous. “What that boy Oran said about all your legs… It reminded me about the way that … Ochon spoke to me. The anger in him was so obvious. I … I’ve been so annoyed at the humans for dumping all this responsibility on me, I never even considered what it would be like to not be trusted with all this stuff by them, like you are and he was. I can’t apologise to Ochon. I mean, I do, when I’m trying to sleep. Oh yeah, don’t worry, I’m not sleeping easy. But … I wanted to apologise to you, right now, for the way I’ve been treating the ship’s insects, and other bugs.”

There was a long pause. Margo worried Kernik was about to storm out of the room, under the door, right into her feet. But then she heard him sigh and her shoulders relaxed, a little. There was still the matter of what the hell he was about to say.

“Look, I know my brother … knew.” Kernik took another pause. “He liked to be a hero. He always did. His webs were always stronger and more intricate so the flies all got confused. He provided for all of us. When we got put here, everything was provided for us - those protein substitutes are disgusting by the way – and he just became labour to be ordered around. There is no doubt in my mind that you forced him into nothing. But beyond that, sir, I’m sorry but you just don’t get it.”

“I understand,” said Chip, “Well, no, I don’t. That’s the whole point. But if you want to make me understand, my stupid big monkey ears are wide open. Now come on, let’s go see if we can find something better than protein subs to eat.”

Margo shuffled backwards down the corridor so that it would like she’d just been approaching the room when they left it. As Chip and Kernik emerged, she called out a greeting and forced herself not to wonder what the bloody hell she’d walked in on at that meeting of bugs the day before.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review · Sun May 28, 2017 7:10 pm

Specifics

1.

But Oran wasn’t finished. “And look at that one!” - pointing a finger coated in baby fat at Kernik - “It has one-two-three-four-five-seven-six-eight legs! And for such a tiny little-”
For a word he's just learned, maybe Oran should struggle to pronounce legs or at least hesitate before he says it? Young kids tend to pick new words up quickly but maybe not that fast.

2. If there's a medical emergency then surely she would have opened with the question of whether they had a doctor? She knows the ship would have one so she would surely ask Chip to send for them right away, rather than wait to find out one is part of the landing party.

3.
The Archess was continuing, “Our only doctor at the facility - his wife is gravely injured, and he refuses to leave her side. There are workers with injuries that could prove fatal. Please say you will help them.”
This seems out of character - please say you will help them is a very common way to speak. A leader is taught to always ask in a reserved fashion and should not show how much they need something lest it lead to bribes but instead give an expectation that it would be rude for such an offer to be refused. Or at least, that's been my general impression. I feel she switches from aloof to needy too quickly.

4. Wait, Margo isn't going to immediately tend the sick? I thought it was an emergency? It also doesn't seem like Margo needs to immediately know that Lezeki is behind this. I feel like McCaw's insistence of speaking to her was a way for you to bring in that she's a doctor and maybe that's wrong but it all feels a little too loosely held together at the moment.

Overall

Okay so we've got the tie in with Lezeki again which is good but it still feels very much like we're waiting for something to happen or for something to give Chip a goal. At the moment he's only been reactive - fix this problem or fix that problem - and it's hard to really cheer for a character who's not fighting for goals of their own and is instead just kind of going along with everything.

I also think there are a few inconsistencies with the characters but nothing you can't fix up and for the most part I really like Chip, I'm just hoping he'll take a decisive action soon so that he comes across as less passive. Nobody likes a passive main character mostly because we all wish that we could chase after our dreams/ wants and it's great to see someone else do that and win.

~Heather

Hm... ok. Will see what I can do about all this. I did an entire rewrite of chapter 1. Might be worth doing this for 2 and maybe 3 as well. I've been getting really good feedback for 4 so I guess I did something right there xD

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MissGangamash
Review

Hello again! Sorry for the few days of nothing, got back into writing/editing my own work and I just forgot everything else XD

Right, nitpicks:

'“What are these stick things?” Oran whispered to Minia. He didn’t really understand the concept of whispering, unfortunately, and simply spoke at normal volume with his hand shielding his mouth.' - this seems all a bit weird to me because you specifically say that Oran 'whispered' yet then backtrack and say he basically wasn't, because he can't.

Maybe change it to, "What are these stick things?" Oran asked Minia. It was clear to Minia that he was attempting to whisper by the way his hand was shielding his mouth, but he was still speaking at his normal volume.'

'But Oran wasn’t finished. “And look at that one!” - pointing a finger coated in baby fat at Kernik' - this reads like a stage direction which doesn't fit in with the way this is story is written.

'Chip and McCaw joined them again as they observed the royal siblings.' This is mentioned, and then a few paragraphs later it is repeated, 'McCaw had returned to the rest of the crew along with Chip.' - no need for the second part.

'newly Conscious animals' - I'm guessing you mean the ones that can talk? If so, this isn't the right way of describing them. All alive animals are conscious. But I don't really know what you could change it to.

'what Chip had so freaked him out by saying to him.' - guessing this is a typo?

Finished! Okay, so if the gravity thing is to do with the wasp, I'm intrigued as to why he would be going after another planet if his beef is with Chip. Or is Chip just super paranoid?

The whole thing with the Big Division lacks depth to me. If I remember correctly, it wasn't Chip's first instinct to put the spiders in harms way and fix the problem on the ship. Didn't the polar bear suggest it? I feel if Chip really did have an issue with seeing the bugs as actual... people(?) he would have not needed the push. He'd have just shoved the spiders into that hole no questions asked. So I'm not really sure why the bugs are so pissy with him... Has he shown signs of underappreciating them before?

Thanks for the review! :D I'm in the middle of exam season at the moment so I'm having to pause editing a bit. I'll come back to this on May 12th :)

Hello, I am here to do a review. It's QofS, and I have been waiting to review your work.

I really liked this chapter. In general, I like the concept of animals in space, and just animals, and aliens. It's definitly different.

I LOVE the fact that your aliens are good aliens. That is really refreshing! That makes them all the more likeable and 'human' in a sense. It makes you want to like them more and feel for them if something bad is happing that involves there species. Great job!

Your plot is simple, but that isn't a bad thing. Sometimes, simple 'things' are the best. You don't have to complicate your plot. I am now wondering about the oil disaster. I wonder what is going on.

All in all, I really like your story. Keep writing. :)

May you please review my most recent work. Thank you.

Got really confused for a second trying to remember what aliens were in it, then realised I was thinking of the chapter I'm writing at the moment. Up to like 8.4 outwith the site XD

I'll review your work probably on Monday or Tuesday if that's alright. Got lots of essays at the moment :/

Thanks for the review!

Hi. Sure, you can reviw my work whenever. I'm glad that your not mad at me for reviewing your work so late. Like I said, i'm in collage. However, I didn't forget about your work. Sorry that my reviw is so short. I hope you liked it.

No worries, totally understand being busy :)

User avatar
Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review · Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:46 pm

Here I am! Thanks for letting me know about the new chapter.

But Oran wasn’t finished. “And look at that one!” - pointing a finger coated in baby fat at Kernik - “It has one-two-three-four-five-seven-six-eight legs! And for such a tiny little-”
You've done a great job at capturing the voice of a child. I love little Oran.

“Wait!” The Archess’ head snapped round from watching her children through an open patio door to McCaw and then to Margo. “You’re a doctor? Medical?”
The sentence which says where her head snaps is too long, I suggest some rewording. Perhaps the patio door part isn't necessary?

Whoever Dreko was, things were already moving much too quickly for the Archess’ request to really have been a question at all.
This is the second time you've said that her questions weren't really questions, but rather orders. Is there a way you could show this through her actions instead of saying it? If someone wasn't going to accept an answer other than yes, I think they might raise their eyebrow or tap their foot.

Well, at least that obliterated the tension, Margo thought, as she straightened herself up.
Direct thoughts could go in italics to make them stand out more. In this format, I though 'as she straightened herself up' would have been a thought as well.

What that boy Oran said about all your legs… It reminded me about the way that … Ochon spoke to me.
It's awesome that the scene in the beginning was actually necessary to the plot. I thought it was just to help Oran's character development and be a cute scene to take some tension from the plot, but it was actually necessary for progression. That's great!

This chapter was great! Margo's moved forward in her quest to get help, and a new 'mystery' has been uncovered. Your characters are great, I love them all. Especially Oran. :D

Thank you so much for reviewing this so quickly! Hm...let's see.

I kind of want to keep the Archess looking out the window because she's watching her kids, which I thought humanised her. So maybe I could split it up like:
%u201CWait!%u201D The Archess%u2019 head snapped round from watching her children through an open patio door. She looked at McCaw for a moment and then turned to Margo. %u201CYou%u2019re a doctor? Medical?%u201D

Might just shorten the bit about questions being orders to:
Whoever Dreko was, things were already moving very quickly indeed.
If you've been able to pick up on that already, the implication is probably there.

Will fix that about the thought thing, and should probably have a look through the rest of the story to check for the same mistake :P

Thanks again!
Bisc :)

uh...are you seeing those speech marks as html too...?



rule #1 of being a potato: potatoes gotta defend their friends from negative self-talk
— Spearmint