Fur Feathers Scales and Stars - 1.1

A/N: This is a re-write of this chapter. It has the same plot-point anchors, but I've massively changed the tone. What I was really happy with in the original reviews was that it people thought it was fun and had likeable characters. If you review this, it would be really helpful if you could let me know if that's still there. However, I'm also hoping it no longer appears so humorous as to just entirely be a joke.

****

1 - Chip

The door juddered open as Chip tapped his foot to activate the pressure sensor. He loved being the captain of this ship, he really did. But good lord it could do with some technological upgrades. As the door closed behind him, he sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. How bitter could a monkey be on the first day he’d made contact with another spacecraft in over a year?

But his shoulders slumped as he realised he’d have to go inform his Chief of Communications, a grumpy old pelican called Ryerson, of the discovery. Well then, Chip thought, I’ll just have to treat himself a little. He took a deep breath, dropped to all fours slightly more clumsily than he'd have liked, and started to run.

The crew - which was enormous, way too big for this ship - flattened themselves against the walls as he zipped past. He greeted geckos, saluted a sloth, said hi to a hyena. His grin was uncontainable, stretching his skin wider and wider as the adrenaline powered him forwards. There was very little airflow on the ship but he could just about feel some tugging at the fur on his ears as his trainers squeaked on the linoleum floor.

“Chip!”

The call was from Treego, a tiny little poison arrow frog who was the ship’s Chief of Conditions Management. As wonderful an operative as Treego was, the decision had been made almost purely on the basis that he was the best at fitting down the plumbing.

“Hey, Treego.” Chip stumbled to a stop. “What's the matter?”

“There's something wrong with the heating. Up instead of down.” Treego hung his head and panted for a moment. “Psychic … link … Help!”

Chip stared at Treego, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. One last moment of peace…

Then he said, “Treego, what are you on about? And how can I help?”

With a low, pained humming sound, Treego stopped gnawing on the tip of his tongue. He hung his head as he stepped onto Chip’s outstretched palm. Chip lifted his hand back up so that Treego was at his eye level and saw that his chest was heaving up and down.

“You know the Thermal Regulator that adjusts the temperature around a crew member? Like when you think ‘I’m too cold’ and it heats you up? It’s messed up – it’s going up when it should go down. As for helping, honestly I don't know.” He splayed his front feet wide. “Right now, I'm stumped. But the crew … some of them are going to start noticing soon - the Arctic origin members are already in danger. I uh… I don’t know what to do.”

Treego’s eyes were wide, bulging even further out their sockets than normal. Chip could feel him shaking in his palm. Chip clenched his gut and forced himself into reliable captain mode. “Okay, I’ll head down to Control Maintenance in a moment and see where they’re at. But first I have to go see Ryerson. Could you get on my shoulder so I can move faster?”

Chip moved his arm upwards and Treego immediately leapt onto the shoulder button of Chip’s jumpsuit. He curled his webbed feet around it then nodded, ready.

Chip smiled. “Thanks, mate.”

This freed up his comms unit, a narrow black wristband sewn into his sleeve. He tapped in Ryerson's code then flopped back to all fours and started running.

“Agh,” he squealed, dodging round a group of spiders going in the opposite direction to him.

You okay, Captain Puccoon? Ryerson somehow managed to sound like he was shrugging. He usually was.

“Yeah,” said Chip, “Look, something’s just come up but I was on my way to let you know - we're looking at proper contact with the other ship within a couple of hours.”

“We are?” Treego’s exclamation was extra loud right next to Chip’s ear.

“Yes.” Chip instinctively snarled in response to the loud noise then said, “Yes, Officer Dart. Officer Ryerson, I'll keep you posted. Sorry you weren't able to make it to the meeting.”

Cheers, Captain.

Chip clicked his comms unit off and sped up, sprinting the last few metres to the Control Maintenance Centre.

The CMC was well lit as always. Unfortunately, also as always, it was so well lit that Chip cringed as the light hit his retinas. All the CMC members looked up as he walked in, half-heartedly saluted, then went immediately back to their projects. Most of them were actually working on the one project - the multi-coloured swarm of fur, feathers and scales clustered around a two-or-so metre stretch of panelling.

“Clear a -” Treego started, then cut himself off. He must have realised how loud he was for Chip because he jumped down to the floor before continuing, “path! Clear a path for the captain! Er, sorry, Chip.”

The animals shuffled apart, leaving a narrow gap, with arms, legs and wings jutting out into the middle, for Chip to walk through. Chip strode to the panelling and tried to take in what he saw before him as quickly as possible. A gap in the panelling about his waist height, roughly a yard long, horizontal, foot wide.

Something clanged inside it.

“What the?” Chip’s eyes widened as he stared at Treego.

“Uh, I think it’s Gerry, sir,” Treego explained.

“Hi, Captain!” came an echo-y shout from somewhere behind the panelling.

“Hello, Officer McCaw,” Chip called back, wondering how cramped the toucan was right now. “You alright?”

There was another clang.

“Ow! Yeah, I’m fine,” McCaw groaned. “I’m actually making a little headway … He-heh … Headway. See, that’s funny ‘cause I’m wearing a head-torch – which you can’t see. Anyway, there’s some flies, I think. Tiny little things, way smaller than any of the species of fly we have on board, that I know of. Agh!”

In the absence of a clang, Chip could only imagine how McCaw had injured himself this time. Maybe he had scraped himself along some jaggy metal or something.

“Uh … Chrego …” McCaw’s words were so slurred that it took Chip a moment to recognise this as ‘Treego’.

“Yeah, Gerry?” Treego hopped forward and peered upwards through the gap.

“Hel …p.”

Treego yelped and dove out of the way as McCaw struggled through the gap and dropped to the floor. McCaw groaned and twisted onto his back. His feathers were all dusty and a bit crumpled at the edges.

“Ow,” he announced.

“What’s the matter?” Chip asked, kneeling beside the toucan.

“Dun know, Cap,” Gerry mumbled, “Jus’ … ow. Help.”

“Of course, of course.” Chip picked Gerry up and handed him to a nearby CMC member, a gruff blackbear. He looked her in the eye and said, “Get him to sickbay. Hurry.”

The bear took Gerry carefully, almost gingerly. She put as little pressure on him as she could as she adjusted her grip on him. Gerry didn’t seem to notice, just groaning with his eyes shut. Then the bear nodded and sped off out the room. Chip turned back to Treego and raised his eyebrows.

“As I said.” Treego shrugged. “We’re stumped.”

Chip put a hand on his forehead and dragged it down his face with a long, slow sigh.

His comms unit beeped. Chip?

“Margo?”Chip’s eyebrows raised yet further. Dr Margo Whipple was the ship’s chief physician. The panic in her voice could not be good.

The first victim of the temperature change has come in. She’s a young kitchen worker. Margo’s voice was slowing, slightly, as she detailed the case. Her name’s Bassila Glace and she’s a polar bear. Her temperature’s going mental. How’s it going at Conditions Management?

Chip felt something hot and shaky rise up through his chest. His shoulders clenched. Why was this happening today of all days? How was he going to fix it? Why did everyone think he could fix it?

He took a deep breath with his eyes closed. One. Step. At. A. Time.

“Alright, appearance here made,” Chip said under his breath. Before he turned to go he said to the assembled animals, “Stay calm, everyone. Panic isn’t going to solve this. Have faith in Treego and yourselves. Treego, I’m going to go check in at sickbay. Keep me posted.”

Comments & reviews · 10
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Hello

I love the concept of this. Animals on a spaceship. I love stories with animals as main characters. What was your imspireation for this story? Makes me think of animals being sent into space for testing to see if humans could survive. I (think) in America we have sent two monkeys. In Russia, they sent a dog, Lakia into orbit.

I liked the opening phragraph. It was almost funny in a way.

I was drawn into the story and am wondering what happens with the tempature change. This is a very good idea.

User avatar
Brigadier
Review

I've been trying to get around to this series but then I decided to wait until review day because that should be fun. I don't have all that many thoughts about what's going on but there are a few choice ones that should be worth sharing. For the sake of consistency, let's take it from the top.

The door juddered open as Chip tapped his foot to activate the pressure sensor. He loved being the captain of this ship, he really did. But good lord it could do with some technological upgrades. As the door closed behind him, he sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. How bitter could a monkey be on the first day he’d made contact with another spacecraft in over a year?

On a bad day, I would complain about switching the mood of the main character around so quickly and have it be the opening line, but things are going surprisingly okay, so you'll hear the milder version. It did set me off a bit for this character complaining about his ship and his daily life one second, and by the neck he's kinda forgiven his own thoughts. (I don't really know how to word that in any way that doesn't sound awkward.)
This isn't exactly pacing either because nothing has happened so far and I can't really take it into the context of further down the plot. I am intrigued by what's going on here because first contact after a year in space sounds like the beginning to a good story. Isolation in space always causes for questions, most importantly, why are they isolated in space?

The uh variety of characters was definitely unexpected and for the alliteration with the greetings, I will not complain since I did genuinely find it funny. These characters are arranged in such a way that I can't really see the plot being too serious, so that should provide for some even more interesting plot lines than I had originally anticipated. I'm just wondering is this like Star Trek for animals? (It also begs the question of where are the humans? Is this more planet of the apes where the apes have taken over the world and theoretically the rest of the animals would follow? And why am I asking such questions on the first chapter?)

And I see the plot rising to the environment control issue so I can definitely see the next chapter going somewhere. I know this wasn't very thorough but I can't think of much more to offer to you atm.

So far loving the story. If there was one thing I could tell you is the opening paragraph is a little so-so and since the characters seem a little strange make the opening a little strange.

You are very good at character descriptions and that is something that I always look for when reading.

One last thing and now I see what you meant when you told me to describe the surroundings a little better. I knew they were on a ship but I wanted to know more about the ship

Good Job and Keep Writing!!

Hm... had that comment about the opening paragraph before. Will see what I can do.

Description: hahaha that's ironic xD

Thanks for the review :D

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Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review · Wed Apr 19, 2017 8:37 pm

Here I am for the first chapter! I'll make a few line-by-line comments as I read through and then give a few general ideas/ summary at the end and every few chapters or so I'll let you know how I'm feeling about the characters/ pacing/ other key areas like that. If you have questions or anything you'd like me to pay particular attention to, please let me know!

Specifics

1. The introductory paragraph is a bit so-so and that's partly because of your sentence structure - you have 14 words in your first sentence, then 18, then 18 again and then 20. Similarly, if we do a quick syllable count you have 20 27 23 27 which makes for a rather flat tone. Try to avoid having lots of sentences of the same length, unless it's lots of short sentences to create a jarring, choppy rhythm such as in 'The Stranger' (see below) or long, descriptive sentences to create a scenic introduction.

The Stranger opening paragraph - "Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday, I don’t know. I had a telegram from the home: ‘Mother passed away. Funeral tomorrow. Yours sincerely.’ That doesn’t mean anything. It may have been yesterday."

The first paragraph is really important in terms of hooking the undecided reader so maybe embellish the descriptions/ emotion a little more as well. It should to some degree tell the reader the tone of the book and what they can expect.

2.

The call was from Treego, a tiny little poison arrow frog who was the ship’s Chief of Conditions Management almost purely on the basis that he was the best at fitting down the plumbing.
This is a nice detail/ description! It has a good balance of being practical and humorous/ witty.

3.
Then he said, “Treego, what are you on about? And how can I help?"


4.
Treego had been gnawing on the tip of his tongue. Now he stopped and made a low, pained humming sound. He hung his head as he stepped onto a hand Chip had stretched out to him.
Try to describe things in a 'real time' and avoid saying that someone had been doing something or starting too many consecutive sentences with 'he did this'. The reader will feel more involved in the story when you're writing in the active voice. For example, these sentences could be written as:

Treego had gnawed the anxiety into the tip of his tongue but he stopped with a low, pained humming sound as he hung his head and stepped on to Chip's outstretched hand.

5.
“You know the psychic link that adjusts the temperature around a crew member – it’s messed up – it’s going up when it should go down. As for helping, honestly I don't know.”


6.
He tapped in Ryerson’s code on his comms unit, a narrow black wristband sewn into the sleeve of his uniform jumpsuit, which was why he’d needed Treego to move from his hand to his shoulder.
This is very telling - it feels like we're being treated like kids a little having it spelled out to us like this. I'm not very good at explaining what I mean sometimes so I hope you'll forgive me if I re-write it to try and show you:

This freed up his comms unit, a narrow black wristband sewn into the sleeve of his uniform jumpsuit, and he tapped in Ryerson's code.

This both makes the explanation more subtle but also makes the tapping in of the code the focus point of the sentence because it comes at the end.

7.
Most of them were actually working on the one project - the multi-coloured swarm of fur, feathers and scales was clustered around a two-or-so metre stretch of panelling paneling.


8.
The animals shuffled apart, leaving a narrow gap, with arms and legs jutting out into the middle, for Chip to walk through. Chip strode to the panelling and tried to take in what he saw before him as quickly as possible. Gap in the panelling about his waist height, gap about a yard long, horizontal, foot wide.
This feels fragmented - it should be 'A gap in the panelling...'

9.
“Hi, Captain!” came and an echo-y shout from somewhere behind the panelling.


10.
In the absence of a clang, Chip could only imagine how McCaw had injured himself this time. Maybe he had scraped himself along some jaggy jagged metal or something.


11.
“Of course, of course.” Chip picked Gerry up and handed him to a nearby CMC member, a gruff blackbear he was fairly certain was called Nelly. He looked her in the eye and said, “Get him to sickbay. Hurry.”
It should probably be 'black bear' with a space and this would be a good chance to add some extra description - does the bear hold the toucan carefully? Does she splay her fingers to keep the claws out of the way? I imagine it would be easy for a bear to do some accidental damage to something like a toucan which has such fragile tail feathers. Also, are the animals entirely comfortable around the other species? This is the first introduction of a predator type animal and I wonder if the toucan feels any lingering alarm at being picked up by a bear and while injured of all things? You don't need to add too much detail but it would be a good place for somesubtle world building.

12.
“Alright, appearance here made,” Chip said, not really looking at Treego. He was already turning toward the door. “I think I’ll go make an appearance at sickbay. Keep me posted, everyone.”
[/quote] Does he say this as an aside to Treego or announce it to the whole crew? It seems an odd thing to say when he's supposed to be here boosting morale! Also, I don't think we've seen him do that enough yet - there aren't any general crowds people panicking about the temperature and there should be. So far he's had a quick conversation and helped out a member of the work crew but he's here to settle the nerves of the worried civilians I'd thought?

Overall Thoughts

A little more description would be nice - you've got some good visuals but not so much on the smell or extra details like the weather or the feel of the wood under their feet - do they wear shoes? - or just how the temperature currently feels. Since the complaint was that it's going crazy, it would have been nice to have some really firm descriptions of the extreme heat/ cold and the subsequent sweating/ shivering.

There are a lot of characters in this first part and that's working so far because you're very focused on Chip and Treego and there's a kind of 'crowd mentality' about the others but try not to over do it. Readers need a focal point and at the moment you're throwing out lots of names and animal types. Perhaps if you mentioned a few less by name and just their description instead then it would be easier for us to know who the main roles are. I'd often suggest only name someone if they're going to have a speaking role in chapter 1/2 or if they're going to be really crucial later and they're not speaking now more for dramatic effect. Even if the others are sub characters with their own sub plots, they're too much of a distraction at the moment - a name suggests the reader has to remember who they are, while a description paints the scene but doesn't pull attention from Chip and Treego.

As for Chip and Treego, so far I think Chip is well defined. He has a nice doggedness about him as he deals with all of the problems but also a slight reluctance/ you get the impression that he'd like to go sit in his cabin and I like that. I think I'd like to see his internal thoughts more or maybe you could have him confiding with Treego if they have that kind of relationship? If not, perhaps you need to bring in a character who he can complain a little to or have him do it in the safety of his head just so we can get an even stronger sense that the ship is hectic and he's a bit tired but still deals with it in a good humoured way.

The other characters didn't stand out for me but it's early and none of them got much dialogue so I'll reserve judgement for now. I'll be back to take a look at the next part soon!

~Heather

First I'll respond to some of your nit-picks:

1. Will work on that and let you know when I have a result.

6. I'm struggling quite a bit with clarity atm. Sometimes I do this and explain things step by step and sometimes I don't give the reader enough info. I'm trying to watch for it but thanks for pointing this out.

8. It was supposed to be fragmented on purpose cos he was taking it in like a computer-like survey, but you're the second person to mention that and it's not a big deal so I'll just change it.

11. Good idea.

12. Ah, oops. The first part was supposed to be under his breath and then the second part over his shoulder as he walked out. The second part of that, about comforting civilians. I think I'll include a line here about everyone staying calm and trusting Treego, but in the next chapter he goes to comfort one civilian casualty and talk to the chief physician. Could you keep an eye out for whether this satisfies you on that front?

Response to overall:

Noted to include more senses. The temperature thing at this stage is just starting so would only affect the most vulnerable crew members. But now that I think about it by the end of 1.5 Chip really should be feeling it too and I haven't done that. I figured that a monkey, even if he came from the amazon rainforest, was probably a pretty solid body who wouldn't have to worry too much. At one point there's a snake from his climate who gets hit way worse because he's much more fragile. Idk, I'll figure this out.

Thanks for the reivew :)

Things I thought of as I was changing some things:

1. I actually tried to characterise Gerry a bit (he becomes important later). I'm guessing that didn't work?

2. Was it just the bear you think probably didn't need a name?

Also I've now updated with most of the revisions. The only thing I'm still struggling with is how much the temperature should be affecting Chip. In the next chapter a lot of patients start coming into sickbay, but it would be suuuuper inconvenient to the plot if Chip was to get knocked out so if I can't get away with that I probably have to come up with some sort of solution that only works for him, and that doesn't sound overly possible. There is the possibility of him just powering through it, but then that reduces the impact of it. Like, if he's able to still function, then it doesn't seem like something that would put an animal near death.

12. Yes, I'll keep an eye out for this and let you know.

On the temperature side, I think even if he comes from the rainforest, he'll feel the change, though he perhaps won't be as bothered by it at the start but an acknowledgement that it's warmer should be enough to keep things consistent. On the bigger issue of making it life threatening to some but not to chip, you can play on his background of him coming from a hot climate but also emphasise the fragility of the other animals involved. I'll let you know if it feels realistic as the story progresses.

With Gerry, I noted he had a bit of an accent and he seemed quite chatty/ friendly but I didn't take much else away on his personality? If that's all you were aiming for at the moment then you're good but if you wanted to show a particular trait, maybe let me know what it was and I'll try to help you bring it out more.

2. With the names, one of the parts I had trouble with was this exchange:

%u201CYeah,%u201D said Chip, %u201CLook, something%u2019s just come up but I was on my way to let you know - Officer Fliptail says we're looking at proper contact with the other ship within a couple of hours.%u201D

%u201CWe are?%u201D Treego%u2019s exclamation was extra loud right next to Chip%u2019s ear.

%u201CYes.%u201D Chip instinctively snarled in response to the loud noise then said, %u201CYes, Officer Dart. Officer Ryerson, I'll keep you posted. Sorry you weren't able to make it to the meeting.%u201D

That's three additional names I need to try and remember for characters who may or may not be important.

Temperature: I'm keeping this in mind but haven't had time to edit it in yet, so just to let you know it won't be there in the next couple of chapters yet.

Gerry: Okay, that's fine. Chatty's pretty much what I was going for.

Names: Hm... Well, you definitely need to know Treego's name. Ryerson comes back in a couple of chapters so probably him too. Fliptail does come up again but I think it's far enough away that I could reintroduce her. Will edit.

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MissGangamash
Review

Hello! I'm here to get started on these chapters!

I'm reviewing as I'm reading so I'll just point things out first then give you an overall of the chapter:

'said hi to as hyena.' - 'a' hyena.

“Psychic … link … Help!” - I don't really understand that bit.

'Gap in the panelling about his waist height, gap about a yard long, horizontal, foot wide.' - I'm not a fan of this phrasing, it's too broken. It doesn't read right. Maybe, 'There was a gap in the panelling about his height, a yard long and a foot wide.' It's just smoother.

“Dun know, Cap,” - "Dunno, Cap"?

Okay, I'm done!

Right, first off, what gave you the idea of using animals instead of humans? It's a cool twist and I'm interested in how it will all pan out.

What age range is this targeted at? Because when you watch/read something with talking animals you tend to assume its for children but this could be a different twist on it, I don't know yet.

I like that the animals are all the actual animal sizes and have not been anthropomorphised into all being like human sized. But then that begs the question... what's going on with the food chain on the ship? Because it's mentioned that there're flies on the ship and it sounds like they are part of the crew and different to the ones causing the problem so... what's stopping Treego from eating them? Also, why didn't Treego go into the panelling and eat the flies that are causing the problem, wouldn't that help? And what exactly is the problem McCaw is trying to fix? Is it the same one Treego spotted with the heating?

I'd have liked a bit of characterization of the other animals. Like with McCaw, when he fell out of the panelling, were his feathers all ruffled and dusty? Just something like that would help me visualise what is going on better.

Your writing in general is smooth and easy to follow and I'm intrigued as to where this story goes.

I'll have a look at those things you've picked up as you go later.

I am very very glad you brought up the food chain - explanation will come in 1.3.

Description of McCaw is a good idea. I don't want to go too far into each and every character because there's so many characters but he's fairly important so I should probably put in a little bit more about him.

Thanks for the review! :D

p.s. Payment in full will come after your 19th review as per the suggested rules in the trading post forum

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Catalyst
Review

Hey there! Catalyst here to trade reviews!
This is probably one of the most immediately charming pieces I've read on this site. Ever. The creative premise is conveyed excellently, the characters... well, aren't too deep, but this is a children-aimed story, so they don't have to be beyond how they relate to the story. I think just the concept of a Spider-monkey and a parrot in love carries itself.
The Ship's design was really well told and creative as well-- I immediately got a good image of it in my mind. Although, I feel like the finer details could have been described better. As it is, I imagined what you'd expect-- Sleek, smooth white corridors mixed with glass. But, considering your creativity, and a crazy premise like this, I'd love to see what you could make of the ship.
Either way, fantastic work, keep it up!

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deleted28
Review

Okay. So I only ever do reviews when I'm listening to Two Steps From Hell and I'm listening to Dragon Rider and it's making me feel ****ing awesome!
So, here goes nothing.
This story is awesome. Besides the fact that I'm soon going to nitpick every scientific detail in it. For starters. The ships corridors are over 15 meters high? That is really high! Like 15 meter titan class high. (Well no s***.) Anyway. That's 1 and a half stories high. Now I'm no genius but this sounds like a huge ship with lots of people... or animals. The problem I have with this is that you've left us with that detail but with no other detail of the ship. It'd be nice if we could have some information about the ship. That way we can picture clearly as to why the hallways would be over 15 meters high! Now secondly. You've got this whole x-ray glasses thing. Now obviously this is in a distant future with new technology. But x-ray glasses?? Come on that's cheating. Sure pulling sticky tape off it's roll creates x-rays. (Huh! Betcha you didn't know that!) But honestly. x-ray glasses they just annoy me so much!
Now about the whole english part. It's pretty good. I like it!

Keep up the good work and remember, this story is Awesome, Awesome to the max.

The english part? It's supposed to be for kids and so I don't really know what to put in place of x-ray goggles that kids would understand. I was going for satirical. If you have anything that would fit better, could you let me know?

And haha thanks :)

ps oops! I'll go for 2.5m cos I do want it to be really high, but not THAT really high

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queenofscience
Comment

This is really good. I love stories with animals and this is interesting. I want to read more. Interesting. I don't think that i have ever read a sci fic story with just animals in it mostly.

Keep on writing!!!!! :)

Thank you! I'm just about to write the next part and hadn't even noticed this was here :)

Also, since you seemed to enjoy this, would you mind clicking 'like'?

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zeldalex
Review

I actually really like this, and I enjoy how there's a problem right off the bat. I'm not usually a fan of animal stories, as usually it's just an advertising technique, but it seems they actually have a purpose. I'm curious to see who or what is turning up the temperature. Good job on creating a problem that relates to the animal that it was aimed at instead of just creating a problem that would greatly affect anyone. Good luck!

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GeoCha
Review
GeoCha wrote a review · Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:08 pm

Ha, Geo here for a review, and I have to say this story is really different. I got a Star Trek meets animals type of vibe. On top of that, your profile pic is a monkey, just perfect for the story. I really liked the story and its uniqueness, keep it up, especially since its different. I hope there will be action scenes too because I love action, and action between animals should be really different from what I have seen on this website when it comes to fighting and stuff.

Favorite Part:
"Chip sighed. He clambered off of his floating platform - which hovered about fifteen metres above the corridors of the ship. His crew ambled along beneath it, looking like the stuffed animal collection of a human cub: a boar and a possum lined up outside the toilets; a meerkat giving a dormouse baby a lift on its back to the nursery; even a spider monkey from Chip's own tribe walking hand in hand with his fox girlfriend."

Ha, your story even has animal love which is cool. I however saw an error in there, you spelled meters wrong, you put fifteen metres.

Overall, nice story, really descriptive and imaginative.

Thank you so much! The Star Trek vibe is definitely what I was going for. By the way, 'metres' is the British spelling ;)

Ha, I will love this novel then, sounds like a great idea. Also, wow, I didn't know that, haha, I should of known it was a British spelling.

Also, it's not going to quite be a novel. In my head it's, like, a children's cartoon series. So this story will have 3-5 parts and then I'll move onto a new 'episode'. I'll decide how many parts I want in each once I've written a little more of this one.

Oh, : (, I was hoping for a novel, and one with action, that would be awesome, but I will support whatever you are down for. Keep it up! I hope you make it longer too

Maybe if the series goes well I'll consider an expansion :)

Oh, and there will definitely be lots of action!

Alright then, ha, I hope it goes well then. We need more reviewers though, review some work for points, we need more writers like you posting.

And awesome!! I love fighting scenes

Is there anything of yours you'd like me to review for you?

Ummm, you could review any of my new chapters, that would rock.

Ok sure, I'll do it soon but I have to have dinner just now :)

Hiya! For one, my favorite part: Chip sighed. He clambered off of his floating platform - which hovered about fifteen metres above the corridors of the ship. His crew ambled along beneath it, looking like the stuffed animal collection of a human cub: a boar and a possum lined up outside the toilets; a meerkat giving a dormouse baby a lift on its back to the nursery; even a spider monkey from Chip's own tribe walking hand in hand with his fox girlfriend.
Sorry, Geocha, if this insults you. It really is cute though.
Second, I totally love the animal thing, there aren't many animals in space. But, I do know it would be even harder if it was in monkey or animal, but at first I thought Monkey boy was a regular boy, then half animal, then animal completely. Which is it?

completely animal. The crew are all animals. Part of the Jungle Force Space Team. I have a front cover GIF I tried to upload but it didn't work. Do you see any way I could make this clear?

Also, that's a pretty long reply. Are you sure it wasn't meant to be a review?



Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.
— Samuel Butler