....Ahlee....
I twisted uncomfortably in my seat, wishing I could be anywhere but here, alone with Od.
Tiffanny had taken Foust to the infirmary to patch the laser wound on his shoulder.
On the opposite side of the room, Od was leaning apathetically against the wall with his thumbs stuck in the pockets of his bomber jacket.
The jacket was the only thing he wore that was different form everyone else's clothes. Oddly enough, everyone here wore identical blue jumpsuits.
"So, you planning on dragging those chains around forever, chickie?"
I fantasized wistfully about grabbing his gun and shooting him, but Foust had made me promise not to blow anything up, which I guess would include shooting Od.
I fixed him with a look that had made even the toughest slaver flinch back on Rigel, but it seemed not to register on him.
"Hah. If I had a buck for every time a girl looked at me like that, I wouldn't need any reward money."
"You're more annoying than Foust." I spat.
Od shrugged. "Such is the skill of Odysseus Maplethrope."
"Odysseus?"
"Yep. Not many folks wanna say a mouthful like that every time they talk to me, so they just call me Od. Only ever hear my real name when Tifanny gets me in trouble."
Od grinned crookedly at me. He was rather princely looking, if not a little scruffy and a bit on the skinny side. He was tall, all spidery limbs and bony frame.
His brown hair was rather long, sweeping around his lean face and making it look even thinner. I suppose if he took a bath and got a haircut, he'd look quite handsome.
"So...about those chains."
I rolled my eyes. "Well if you get an idea, you go ahead and tell me."
"I could shoot the locks."
"Is your answer to every problem 'shoot it'?"
"Ummnn...yep. Pretty much."
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "How about we just pick the locks?"
"Aw. But that's no fun."
"Just...do...it."
Are all the boys here this aggravating?
...Foust...
I resisted the urge to wince as Tiffanny wrapped my shoulder with bandages.
"Your doin' the thing again." She informed me.
"What thing?"
"Grabbin' the collar. My guess's that'chya always do that when your nervous, yeah?"
"Yeah, I guess so. There's nothing wrong with it."
"I ain't sayin' there is anythin' wrong with it, Little Man."
"Foust."
"Right."
Tiffanny cut the bandage off the roll and tied it off.
"Right, Little Man,Your good 't go."
I slid off the bed, rolling my injured shoulder a little.
"y'can't stay here forever, y'know." Tiffanny said suddenly.
I stopped rolling my shoulder and looked at her. Well, more like looked up at her. She was a good few inches taller than me.
She stared back at me and I resisted the urge to grab my collor. Her eyes were a little intimidating, even more so with her thick black eyebrows overshadowing them. She looked every bit the leader.
"They're gonna come for you." Tiffanny said. "What d'you plan on doin' then?"
I looked her straight in the eye. "I plan on fighting."
Tiffanny raised her eyebrows.
"You? I doubt you even picked up a gun in your life, Little Man."
I shrugged one shoulder. "That doesn't mean I can't learn."
Tiffanny smiled. "I like you, kid. Y'got chops. Alright then, training. Tomorrow morning. Don't be late."
Tiffanny turned on her heel and began to leave.
"Oh, and I expect your girlfriend to be there too." Tiffanny said without stopping. The door clicked shut behind her, leaving me standing in the middle of the room.
Training with Ahlee?
I wasn't sure how to feel about that.
It's true, we both needed to learn these things if we planned on surviving, but I wasn't sure I trusted my traveling companion yet. I was still a little scared she'd sneak off one day and leave me alone; it was part of the reason I wanted to train in the first place.
I shook my head. As of now I had no other choice. I had to trust Ahlee, and hope she wouldn't stab me in the back later on.
...Ahlee...
The following morning was grey and dreary, much like the rest of this stupid world. It's not like I was surprised. I mean, what else would I expect?
Rainbows and bunnies?
My arms felt lighter without the chains dangling from them. I ran a finger over the band of chafed skin.
Od was standing outside the barracks, leaning on his gun with a crooked pebble beach smile fixed on his face.
"Good morning, featherweights!" He quipped. "Ready to shoot your eye out?"
"You'll be surprised, you son of a shillv." I muttered. I didn't think anyone could hear me, but judging by the shocked look on Foust's face, I'm guessing he did.
I shot him a venomous look. "What? Never heard a Rigellion insult before, pet? Live with it!"
What can I say? I wasn't a morning person.
Od waited patiently while Foust and I glared at each other.
When our stare down was done, (I won, of course.) Od slung his gun over his shoulder and we followed him to the shooting range, which was a huge room in their home base. The back wall was lined with targets of varying sizes, and the side wall closest to the door was covered in all types of guns. I reached for a pair of handguns.
Foust chose a rifle similar to the one Od always carried.
Od showed him how to hold it, it was obvious he felt superior.
I didn't know why, but his condescending attitude towards Foust annoyed me. "Hey!" I barked.
"no one's allowed to act like that towards him but me, Maplethrope!'
Od just smirked. He strolled languidly over to where he was standing in front of me. "And what makes you think you tell me what to do, little missy?"
I flashed out my pistols, spinning them around my fingers for added effect. Od dove out of the way as I fired them rapidly until their charges were empty.
Od stood up, a snarky grin spreading across his face. The look melted away when he turned to view my handiwork. Every one of the small targets had smoking holed burned right through the middle of them. Od seemed to get my message, and treated both of us with just a little more respect after that.
But only a little.
Odessyus Maplethrope, Location: Planet Earth, New York City (Blue Territory)
Od turned over on his cot, unable to sleep. The only thing he could think of was the little missy and her friend. No matter what that girl said, Od didn't believe for a second that Foust wasn't important to Rigel in some way. And what's more, that didn't seem to be the only thing she was hiding.
Those chains she was wearing? She was obviously an escaped slave, one of the few things missy didn't lie about.
But...why on earth or any other planet would a slave know how to fire a gun, much less handle one with as much accuracy as she did? Not even he could shoot like that!
No doubt about it, little miss was dangerous. he couldn't let her stay here long. But if he tried to get rid of her himself, Tif wouldn't see it as protecting his territory. She'd look at it as an act of treason, maybe even throw him out of the Blues.
No one ever survived without a group.
No, if he wanted to keep him and his fellow Blues safe, he'd have to find some way to expose her.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello Fantasy!
Anyway, time for the review!
I absolutely love this. <3 It may be really weird, but I think Od is my favorite character so far.
Really, this isn't that big of a deal, but since you're still in present tense, 'I wasn't' should be 'I'm not'. It doesn't detract really at all from the chapter. It's up to you though if you change it or not - just a slight suggestion in case it does end up becoming a 'bigger deal' in the future.
Other Suggestions:
Tiffany has a (rather like-able) accent - but it sometimes gets in the way of the content (it makes it a little hard to read). I would take some of the accent out, but not completely. A little bit of the accent gives the readers a little 'taste' of her background, so that's good.
Overall, this is really great!
~Snazz Pizzazz
Hey, it's me! Sorry it took me so long to review this, meant to be here sooner!
So, Foust's learning survival skills and fighting? That should be interesting. It's real cute that Ahlee's sticking up for Foust, but I get the feeling it might make some people view Foust as the weak link, like he has to hide behind Ahlee's gun all the time.
"When our stare down was done, Od slung his gun over his shoulder and we followed him to the shooting range, which was a huge room in their home base."
But who won the stare-down? Now I'm curious! I know it's only a minor detail, but I feel like Foust might end up breaking it off first, even though he's almost as strong-headed as Ahlee. That might be a little detail that shows their relationship in a little bit more depth.
And you continue to cast even more mystery on Ahlee! She's so defensive of Foust that I find it hard to believe she would back-stab him, but I guess that's part of the point, huh? Can't wait to see where that part of the plot-line goes!
There are a surprising number of grammatical and spelling errors in here. Like, too many for me to point them all out. Just be sure to proof-read before you post anything, and that shouldn't be so much of an issue!
This story is really great! I can't wait to keep reading. Best of luck in your writing endeavors!
Come along, Odyssyus! The game's afoot!