The Dust of Worlds: Chapter One

by Europa

Published October 17, 2015

12+

In The Colony

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* Hey there. normally I write fantasy, but I want to experiment with other genres so here's this Sci-Fi thing. I don't really know what I'm gonna do with this, so suggestions are welcome. also up for changing the title.

Thanks*

                                                                     ...Foust...

"Foust? Here, Foust! Come!" I pressed myself harder against the wall of the castle corridor, holding my breath and staying as silent as possible. The Hive Queen called me again, and I instinctively hooked a finger under the golden collor around my neck. I always did it when I was agitated. The Hive Matriarch whistled for me. She sounded much closer.

"Foust!" 

I slowly poked my head around the corner. The queen came down the hall in front of me with my leash the next moment. When she saw me she smiled, her beady black eyes sparkled with pleasure at seeing me, her most prized pet. I hated those eyes more than anything. Empty and colorless, all pupil and without mercy. besides her eyes, the Hive Matriarch looked mostly human. She was unnaturally tall, as all Rigellions were, her face and features too sharp and perfect to be human.

"Oh, there you are, precious!" She chirruped. I tried not to flinch. The Hive Matriarch only called me "precious" when she wanted to use me. The matriarch clipped the leash around the loop on my collor and pulled me out of my hiding space. I got up off my knees and the matriarch started back down the hall at a brisk pace. I tried not to trip as the Rigellion monarch dragged me along behind her. To be fair, the matriarch didn't know what she did was hurting me. It had been like this since the humans first came to Rigel seventy years ago. I had heard stories from my litter mother about earth, which had been plentiful and life sustaining for centuries before the air became too polluted to breathe, before we, the humans, ruined our home and came here.  We had lived in harmony for a while, but when a new king rose to power he forced the "Inferior race" (Moi) Into bondage.Guess I couldn't blame them if the people already living here didn't want us messing up their planet too. I had gotten off lucky, being kept as a pet. Most of us were slaves, or even worse, lab rats.

 The matriarch led me to her room and stood me in the middle of the floor. she laid a hand on my cheek.

"Hold still now, precious." The matriarch stared into my eyes, and I felt the cold of her consciousness merging with mine, I frantically tried to turn my head away, or close my eyes, but the Hive Matriarch had already slipped into my body, wearing me like one of her gowns. She stepped in front of the mirror, smiling as she curled a strand of my white hair around a slim finger. "Beautiful, precious Foust. You are beautiful." It was my own soft voice coming form my lips, but it was the queen's words. She picked up a brush lying on her vanity, and began drawing it through the snarls. I had never taken care of my hair, it seemed a pointless waste of time given my situation. I could feel the corners of my mouth turning up in a smile, something I rarely ever did unless the matriarch was controlling me. There was knock on the closed door of the matriarch's chambers, and she retreated back into her own body. Heat rushed back through my body so quickly I felt dizzy and dropped to my knees. I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears from spilling out. I had been here since I was an infant. Sixteen years I had endured the matriarch and her ignorant mistreatment. I clutched at my collor and choked back a sob. I couldn't go on like this.

The matriarch was talking with someone. most likely a guard reminding her of a meeting or party that had slipped her mind. I felt her fingers caress my head. "I'll be back soon, Foust. Be a good boy while I'm away."

The queen swept from the room and shut the door gently. I didn't hear the door lock. Not quite believing my luck, I stood and clutched the doorknob, turning it gently. It wasn't locked. The guards would all be at whatever function they had planned. No one expected the queen's human pet capable of devising an escape plan, but I had been working on one for months, and now was my opportunity to put it into play. 

So much for being a good boy.

                                                            ....Ahlee...

My feet pounded the red earth as I ran full pelt through the ship holding dock. I held my broken chains in my hands so I wouldn't trip over them. Behind me, the slavers were chasing after me, shouting at me and each other. I kept running. My lungs screamed and my breath came out in short gasps, but no matter what I could not stop. I couldn't go back to the mines, the darkness, the misery.

I skidded around a corner just as a white haired something flashed into my path. We smacked into each other and my momentum brought me down on top of him. I scrambled up onto my hands and knees, blushing. The thundering feet of the slavers grew closer and the white haired boy slipped out from under me. I leaped to my feet as well, and before I could keep running, the boy gabbed my arm and dragged me along behind him. I had to run to keep myself from falling over again. "H-Hey! What do you think you're doing? Who are you? Answer me!" 

The boy said nothing, only marched me into a small ship that could've been an escape pod if it were attached to a cruiser. The door hissed shut. The boy flopped into the chair and spun around to face the control panel. He punched a set of coordinates into the console "Sit." He said bluntly. I would've argued, but if I refused I would just get blown back against the doors when the ship blasted off. I sat. The engines hummed to life just as my pursuers raced into view. One brave soul leaped forward and started to force the doors open. 

"Oh, that's not good..." I muttered. The boy turned around in the chair, saw what was going on, and pounded his fist on the launch button. The ship shot forward, smashing through the hangar doors. The slavers who had been chasing me had to duck to avoid being fryed. The one who was trying to force the doors open held on valiantly for a matter of three seconds before the speed of the ship flung him off. The boy pressed the joystick forward and the ship slowly lifted off the ground. We rose in the ship up into the sulfurous clouds. Out into the stars and space and freedom. The boy hit the hyperdrive, and the stars blurred and blended together until it looked like we were speeding through a tunnel of white light. Once we were well away from the horrible planet, the boy finally relaxed. he set the ship on autopilot, and spun around in his chair. Now that we were more or less safe in the shelter of the stars, I took time to get a proper look at him. He looked only a year older than I was. His hair was a snowy white, and his eyes were an appealing shade of green. they reminded me of the crystals I would occasionally pull out of the mine shafts. The crystals that decorated wealthy Rigellion homes and jewelry. His eyes captivated me for a moment. They were narrow, and gleamed with an intellect that made him look older than he was. "Who are you?" I said. The boy was unnerved by my brisk tone.

"My name is Foust." 

I raised an eyebrow. "Foust? That's a Rigellian name!" Then the lights inside the ship glinted Off something gold around his neck. A collor. "Your a pet?" I scoffed incredulously. How could someone whose never seen anything beyond the end of his leash learn to pilot a ship? 

The boy lowered his gaze, and his eyes narrowed as he hooked his index finger under the golden band. "Yes."

"What buisness would a pet have running away from home? Not cushy enough for you? Did the queen forget to brush you today? Is that it?'

Foust's eyes snapped back up to stare at me. "How did you-" 

"Oh, please. With that gold band around your throat? Who else could afford such an expensive trinket?"

"Well, yes. I was her pet. But I still got us both off Rigel. I'm the one whose piloting the ship, not you. Maybe you should think before making accusations. Just because I didn't work in a mine or endure some experiment doesn't mean I don't know what pain is. Just who do you think you are, girlie?"

I lifted my chin proudly. "Ahlee. The first human to escape the mines alive."

Foust smirked. "With my help." He pointed out. I sniffed.

"I could've gone on just fine without you dragging me into this stupid pod. Why did you do that, anyway?"

Foust shrugged. "All part of my code, Sparky. Always help a damsel in distress."

"Damsel in--?! The nerve of--Whatever... just, fine. I'm going to bed."

I leaned my seat back as far as it would go, and put my arms under my head. The shackles around my wrists pressed uncomfortably against my ear, but I was used to the feel after Ten years of sleeping like this. I fumed about Foust for a while before falling into a fitful sleep.

                                                             ....Foust....

We jumped out of hyperspace closer to our destination than I had anticipated. I flicked the autopilot switch off and took control of the joystick. It looked like those secret meetings with that ship slave had paid off after all. I could see earth clearly now. The water looked brown and murky from here, the patches of land nothing but grey smudges. A foreboding sight, but the safest place to hide for now. Besides it being the only other planet that had been able to sustain life, no one would suspect us going back to this poisoned world. I began to maneuver the ship down, when it gave a jerk. the engines sputtered. Ahlee sat up, combing her mousy brown hair away from her eyes. "Whas happnin'?" She croaked groggily 

I rapidly typed a few commands into into the console, sliding my finger across the screen as I finished each set of digits. "I didn't calculate the wight of an extra body when I planned my escape. I didn't think it would matter, but it seems the added weight meant that the ship used more fuel than I thought."

"Get to the point!"

"That was the point, Sparky! The ship's out of power! We're going to crash!"

Comments & reviews · 4
backroadstraveler wrote a review Review · Oct 20, 2015

Hey Fantasy14, backroads here to review!

I haven't written anything along the lines of this, but Sci-Fi is one of my favorite reads! I love the concept you've set up, and think that you have a great natural flow for writing. That being said, plot-wise I feel like you're rushing right into the action.

For one thing, there's a substantial chunk of telling instead of showing. This entire section

To be fair, the matriarch didn't know what she did was hurting me. It had been like this since the humans first came to Rigel seventy years ago. I had heard stories from my litter mother about earth, which had been plentiful and life sustaining for centuries before the air became too polluted to breathe, before we, the humans, ruined our home and came here. We had lived in harmony for a while, but when a new king rose to power he forced the "Inferior race" (Moi) Into bondage.Guess I couldn't blame them if the people already living here didn't want us messing up their planet too.
Could be explained in a less direct way. Personally, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me for Foust to have so much knowledge. After all, he's been the Matriarch's pet since he was a baby. If you want to give the reader all this information through Foust, I would create a scene in which he's learning or reflecting on what's he's learned before simply giving him this assumed knowledge. You could play off of the mother again- maybe the litter of pets have their own pens, so the humans are able to speak and still have their own community within the castle?

This actually leads right into the whole plot-rushing thing. I don't even know your world yet, but you're already 'breaking all the rules.' I would like to see more exposition- show us what the castle is, how life works with, the resentment slaves feel before pets... build up to 'the great escape!' You can still be moving towards this escape plan, from both of their perspectives, while making the different lives of each character more apparent.

Other than that, I can't wait to read more about this world! I'm excited to see where Ahlee and Foust are running to, who they encounter, and what their plan is. I think you've set up an interesting mix with those two!

I hope some of this was helpful!
-backroadstraveler

sorry I screwed up the quote coding on this one!!

backroadstraveler commented Comment · Oct 20, 2015

User avatar
LadyEvvy
Review
LadyEvvy wrote a review Review · Oct 17, 2015

Hey! I said I would review something of yours and now here I am!

This is certainly an interesting concept.
I especially think the queen is a great antagonist. She's not inherently evil, she just doesn't realize when she's hurting people. The best antagonists don't realize that they're the villain.
I also like the way you chose to change "collar" to "collor" (I'm assuming this is intentional) for the purpose of the story. It's a nice subtle thing.
The humor you put into this between Foust and Ahlee is a great touch as well. I can't wait to see how these two develop!

There are a few grammatical errors. I'll put them in a spoiler so they don't take up too much space.

Spoiler
'The Hive Queen only called me precious when she wanted to use me.'
"Precious" should be in quotes.

"I'll be back soon, Foust. be a good boy while I'm away."
"Be" should be capitalize. There are actually quite a few capitalization errors in here.

the door hissed shut.
Capital "the."

we rose in the ship up into the sulfurous clouds.
Capital "we."

he set the ship on autopilot, and spun around in his chair.
Capital "he."

they reminded me of the crystals I would occasionally pull out of the mine shafts.
Capital "they."

Then the lights inside the ship glinted Off something gold around his neck.
Lowercase "off."

"Your a pet?" I scoffed increadulously.
"'You're a pet?' I scoffed incredulously."

"What buisiness would a pet have running away from home.
"Business" and add a question mark instead of a period.

The shackles around my wrists pressed uncomfortably against my ear, but I was used to the feel after Ten years of sleeping like this. I fumed on Foust for a while before falling into a fitful sleep.
"Ten" should be lowercase. Also, I'm not sure "fumed on" is really a phrase."Fumed about" might be better.

The water looked brown and murky form here, the patches of land nothing but grey smudges.
"From" not "form"

"I didn't calculate the wight of an extra body when I planned my escape. I didn't think it would matter, but it seems the added weight meant that the ship used more fuel than I thought."
"Weight" not wight.


I'm curious about those crystals Ahlee and the other slaves mine for. What purpose do they serve? Do they power technology? Do Martians eat them? Are they just for decoration?

I can't wait to see more of this. It looks really interesting! Would you mind tagging me for future updates?

-Evvy

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LordZeus
Review
LordZeus wrote a review Review · Oct 17, 2015

Hey its Zeus here to review! Personally, I'm a sci-fi/fantasy writer., so I have quite some experience with sci-fi writing. First off, this story has a great plot. However, I have a few suggestions and corrections:

1.I think that one major thing should be changed; the fact that the planet they were on is Mars. From what you have written, it seems that humans can breath easily on this planet, which wouldn't work on Mars. And that's besides the fact that we have sent probes to Mars and photographed it with satellites, and found no trace of alien civilization. Just the change the planet's name to something completely random, and that will be taken care of.

2.Change the first sentence from italics to normal. Italics are unnecessary.

3.Also, you didn't mention specifically that Foust was a human until some way into the stpry so I recommend changing this sentence:
'before the humans ruined our home and came here.' to before we, the humans ruined our home and came here.'

4. I'd like some description of what the Hive queen looks like. I mean, if they are a different race, they would look quite different from humans. Showing this would be helpful. Oh, and giving this race a name would be good too.

5.'Guess I couldn't blame them if the people already living here didn't want us messing up their planet too. We had lived in harmony for a while, but when a new king rose to power he forced the "Inferior race" (Moi) Into bondage.'
I suggest interchanging the position of these two sentences, as the first doesn't relly make sense until we read the second, as in:
'We had lived in harmony for a while, but when a new king rose to power he forced the "Inferior race" (Moi) Into bondage. Guess I couldn't blame them if the people already living here didn't want us messing up their planet too.'

6. Ok, I got a bit confused, with a new king coming to power, and the fact that Foust is serving a queen. Fist of ll, is the queen the spouse of the King? I guess that would make sense, but mentioning it earlier would have been helpful. Also, I think the terms 'King' and 'Queen' don't work for an alien race, but that's just my opinion. I just think that more unusual terms, albeit earth originated, like for example 'patriarch' and 'matriarch' would work better. Or even something else. Just a thought.

7. I would like an explanation of how Foust would know to pilot a spacecraft. it would feel better to me that way.

8. You made a few typos and grammar errors, so you may want to run though this again.

9.Now, about the continuation of the plot...how about we find that there are already some humans on earth, but they have lapsed into far less advanced forms of society, maybe with slave trading and city kingdoms (albeit with more modern weapon) at large? and perhaps Foust and Ahlee have a classic will they-won't they relationship as they travel across the planet, looking for a safe place to call home? Or maybe they even never make it to earth, and are captured by perhaps another alien race, perhaps galactic pirates, who force them to work aboard ship, and travel with them across the galaxy, while the pair continuously try to find ways to escape, and to get back to earth, perhaps seeing new planets making more friends along the way? That's all I can get off the top of my head. I could maybe think of more if I tried. If you need help in developing your plot, you can always ask me on my wall, and I'd be glad to discuss it with you when I have time. Being a sci-fi writer, i could help you with details of your story. This storyline is really intriguing, and I'd love to see how it develops. just a thought.
Keep writing!
-Zeus



I will not condemn you for what you did yesterday, if you do it right today.
— Sheldon S. Maye