• Home

Young Writers Society


of jasper eyes and clandestine meetings-

by Euphory

(and falling in love with the devil you strike your deals with)


midnight, a glowering moon

and the smell of rotting sewers,

shivers teem over my shoulders

(termites burrowing into human flesh)


i'm held together by a mere breath.

an inhale- as i glimpse you under

a streetlight- rays split asunder.

jasper eyes and my favorite smile,

that sluggish, sly smirk you keep

in the backpocket of your jeans.

('for the special ones.' i hope, and i weep)


in our clandestine meetings, we are one

and two and three and four,

and everything more.

and i hold my breath, the whistle rings,

one and two and three and four-


and then you're gone so quickly.

almost as fast as my husband when

he is on the racing track.

(when he never comes back)


i should be thinking of what's next

my revenge taken and my thirst quenched

but i think of you, and my throat is clenched

(i cannot fall for heartbreak again)


so i exhale- and I am offed

(in search of jasper eyes, crinkled soft,

the memory so well steeped

it makes me hope, and i weep)

Is this a review?



User avatar
235 Reviews

Points: 6841
Reviews: 235

Stickied -- Tue Feb 21, 2023 7:25 pm
View Likes
4revgreen wrote a review...

why was i lowkey singing this in my head in the style of Lana Del Rey- like there is just something really lyrical about this poem. it's really tragically beautiful.

I was a little unclear on the overall story presented in the poem so you will have to let me know if my analysis is correct or not!

The speaker sets the scene with vivid imagery of the midnight hour, a moon shining menacingly overhead, and the unpleasant smell of rotting sewers. These sensory details create an ominous atmosphere that foreshadows the danger and guilt that lurk beneath the surface of the speaker's actions. The second stanza introduces the object of the speaker's affection, who is described as having "jasper eyes" and a "sluggish, sly smirk." The description is very vivid and a really unique way to describe a person, and it really brought this poem alive in my mind. The speaker's admiration for this person is tinged with sadness and longing, as they acknowledge that the relationship is illicit and cannot be openly acknowledged. The repetition of the phrase "and i weep" underscores the speaker's emotional turmoil and the inevitability of their heartbreak.

The third stanza reveals that the speaker is married, which adds another layer of complexity to their situation. It makes the poem feel like an entire story rather than just a few stanzas. The line "in our clandestine meetings, we are / one and two and three and four" suggests that the speaker and their lover are engaging in a secretive affair, but the precise nature of their interactions is left up to the reader's imagination. Hopefully I am interpreting this all correctly! The image of the "whistle rings" creates a sense of urgency and danger, as if the speaker is aware that they are playing a dangerous game.

The final stanzas are the most enigmatic, as it is not entirely clear what has happened to the speaker's lover. The line "almost as fast as my husband when / he is on the racing track" implies that the lover has disappeared suddenly, but whether they have been caught, injured, or killed is left up to the reader's interpretation. The repetition of "jasper eyes" and "i weep" reinforces the idea that the memory of the lover is both beautiful and painful for the speaker, who is left to grieve the loss of their relationship.

In my opinion, the poem is successful in conveying the sense of danger and longing that characterizes the speaker's experience. The use of sensory details is particularly effective, as it creates a vivid and immersive atmosphere that captures the reader's imagination. However, I do wish that the final stanza were a bit clearer in its resolution, as the ambiguity detracts somewhat from the emotional impact of the poem as a whole. Maybe i just haven't got my thinking head on today aha. But honestly this was a realllllly beautifully written poem. I loved reading it and thinking about it whilst I wrote my review.

here are some of the things that really made this poem good:

Vivid Imagery: you used vivid and sensory imagery to create a dark and foreboding atmosphere. The description of the moon, the rotting sewers, and the streetlight help to create a visual landscape that is both haunting and memorable.

Emotional Intensity: your captured the emotional intensity of the speaker's experience through the use of repetition and strong language. The phrase "and i weep" is repeated throughout the poem, underscoring the speaker's sadness and sense of loss.

Layered Meanings: The poem has several layered meanings that allow the reader to interpret it in different ways. For example, the line "almost as fast as my husband when / he is on the racing track" could be interpreted as a metaphor for the danger and risk involved in the speaker's affair.

Effective Structure: The poem is structured in a way that builds tension and suspense, with the revelation of the speaker's marriage and the ambiguity surrounding the fate of the lover creating a sense of uncertainty and unease.

keep writing!

Euphory says...

Hello hello thank you so much for such a detailed and thoughtful review!! i've been rereading your review over and over, because it just. Makes me so happy <333 AND OMG THE FACT THAT YOU COMPARE THIS TO THE QUEEN LANA DEL REY SODKEODKRDPEKDO AAHAHHHHH!!!!! im so honored!!! thank you thank you thank you!!

I do admit this was left very ambiguous, mostly because I thought it'd be nice to leave it open ended for interpretation- the story I had in my head while writing this revolved around a woman who was forced to marry a man she didn't love - who, a couple of months after marrying, leaves her aithout explanation (hence the racing track, her husband who 'raced away'). So this woman finds a way to strike a deal with the devil- to enact a kind of revenge on her husband- but ends up falling for the devil instead. This poem is sort of an exploration of her final meeting with the devil - again, ending is left ambiguous -> did she decide to run away with the devil? is te deal over now and the devil goes back to wherever he came from, leaving her to deal with her another heartbreak? up to you!
I've a note at the beginning of the poem to bring in the theme of the devil (again, you could interpret this as an actual devil or a devil of a person), and I might think about if i want to tweak the final stanza to add more story into it, or to leave it as is

But apart from that, you really [i[get[/i] the poem, and analysed it so well- I'm happy to hear the danger and longing and all those intense emotions coupled with the imagery came through, as my main goal in this poem was less about the story and more about the atmosphere - and you loved it so YAYYYYYY!!!!!
THANK YOU SO much once again!!!! Really really appreciate this <3333333

Euphory says...

added another stanza and a phrase "in search of" in the last stanza - maybe leading to an interpretation that the narrator died (offed) with her exhale (like a final breath) to look for her devil in hell? Or there could be an alternate interpretation with the last stanza if we're talking about a human and diabolical lover, so the narrator just heaves a breath and takes the decision to go after her lover this time around (as opposed to before, when she had no love for her husband and was only incentivised to take revenge on him lmao)

4revgreen says...

i'm glad you liked my review! <3 i love the concept behind the poem and understand it even better now !

Euphory says...


User avatar
15 Reviews

Points: 500
Reviews: 15

Mon Feb 27, 2023 3:16 am
View Likes
Abysalyounglord wrote a review...

"This poem leaves a haunting impression with its vivid imagery and dark themes of betrayal, loss, and the all-consuming desire for love. The contrast between the grim setting of the rotting sewers and the beautiful description of the speaker's lover creates a sense of yearning and desperation. The repetition of the counting in the middle of the poem adds to the urgency of the speaker's emotions and the fleeting nature of their encounters. The ending is both tragic and hopeful, as the speaker is willing to risk everything for a chance at love once again.

One thing I appreciate about this poem is its use of sensory details to create a visceral and immersive experience for the reader. The descriptions of the moon, the smell of the sewers, and the sight of the lover under the streetlight all contribute to a vivid and palpable atmosphere. Additionally, the poem's use of enjambment and fragmented syntax creates a sense of disjointedness that mirrors the speaker's emotional turmoil.

To enhance this poem, one suggestion could be to vary the length and structure of the stanzas to add more visual interest and rhythm. Another option could be to expand on the character of the husband and his relationship with the speaker to provide more context for the speaker's motivations and desires. Overall, this is a haunting and evocative poem that stays with the reader long after the last line."

Euphory says...

Thank you so much! <3333 i'm so happy you enjoyed reading, and you've given such incredible feedback too ^^

User avatar
22 Reviews

Points: 442
Reviews: 22

Thu Feb 23, 2023 12:14 pm
View Likes
yamatri wrote a review...

hey, I am here for the review,

I liked the poem very much, it did create the mystery and drama you have mentioned in the category, I am not fully sure about the overall story though, 3rd and 4th stanza kind of left me questioning many things.
1st stanza= we are introduced to the imagery of a moonlit night where the poem is happening

2nd stanza = "i am held together by a mere breath "this line and the lines following it were very nice, the way you described your supposed secret lover were nicely done

3rd = it did tell us that your meeting is secret and created a sense of urgency but the 1 , 2 3 part is just a little confusing. the first time I read I thought you are talking about a train leaving and taking your lover with it type.

4th stanza -=we get that the speaker is married and her husband might have left her

this poem seems like a part of a complex story where we are given just some paragraph to figure it out, I did enjoy the imagery and the use of words to describe everything. But felt a little confused by the ending.

the ambience of the poem and ambiguity did make the poem interesting, hope you write more on it and let me know if my analysis was right or not.

Euphory says...

hiiii!!! thank YOU SO MUCH for your review !!) <3333 I'm really happy to hear you enjoyed it and I'm glad there was mystery ^^
The "one, two, three" part has a double meaning -> in the first part
"In our clandestine meetings, we are one
And two and three and four"
(I've tweaked the placement of the 'one' to make my meaning more clear)
So you would say "we are one" for example if you were trying to indicate that you held a close friendship or were very very similar to the other person, so I meant to do that here and then add in the "two, and three' to play around with the original phrase.
The second part "I hold my breath, the whistle rings,
one and two and three and four"
Was meant more as a passing of seconds -> like how you would hold your breath and count to see how long you can hold it! (And the narrator counts to 4 before her lover disappears -> LOVE your interpretation of a train whisking them away! )

Your analysis was perfectly right! I think you're free to interpret it as you wish, but I have included a detailed backstory in my reply @4revgreen's review, so you can take a look at that if you like!

Thanks so much again, and hope you have a great day <3

yamatri says...

Ohk, now I get it .

Euphory says...

Yay !! <3<3

'Hush, hush!' I whispered; 'people can have many cousins and of all sorts, Miss Cathy, without being any the worse for it; only they needn't keep their company, if they be disagreeable and bad.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights