We had talked with excitement hitching our breaths
Our hearts were synched like drum beats
Our favourite day was the one that we met
Sweet singings of us carried in the breeze
But I cut off all our cords with silence
and I did it cruel
Not fighting for you was my last defiance
and I did it so cruel.
I admit it's my fault, I know it too well
but in a way, it's yours too
And I never thought our memories would
become melodies I'd cry to.
We had talked with excitement hitching our breaths
but I turned those moments into deep regrets
for you
But no matter how it ended,
how well I pretended,
I still and always will care
for you.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hola!
Here to conquer your words & polish your thoughts!
I'm here for a quick review. Before the suggestions, I'm not expert in poetry and I might not be able to go into ity-bity details of what to fix and what could be better.
"favourite" is spelled "favorite" in what I know.
Over the suggestion, I love how you write it! The flow is really smooth and it's has calm and in both ways dramatic way about it. It's a beautiful poem and I just really think it was a wonderful time reading this.
You are a wonderful writer!
Thank you for sharing this!
Your Reader,
ChrisDixon
Thank you so very much for the review <3 "favorite" and "favourite" are both correct spellings except the former one is used in American English and the latter one is used in British English. Since I grew up mostly learning British English, "favourite" is the spelling thay comes more naturally to me so I hope I was able to clear that up! %u2606 and thanks again for such encouraging and kind words, I truly appreciate it <3
Hello!! So before I get on to the review I just want to say that I'm no expert or professional so don't take anything too seriously.
On to the review! So I really love the style of this poem. It flows really well, it's really easy to read, and has this calm and regretful feeling to it.
"I admit it's my fault, I know it too well
but it way, it's yours too"
This part has a few commas in it which changes up the previous pattern of the words.
Also the part where you say "but it way" doesn't make a lot of sense to me (personally). Im just wondering if you meant "but in a way".
I also love how you ended it.
"But no matter how it ended,
how well I pretended,
I still and always will care
for you."
Rhyming ended and pretended really helped bring it to a close off the flow of words gently.
Another thing was how you gave the ending more of a emotional feel and really gave it a lot of closure.
Thank you so much for the review and kind words <3 And yes, I actually meant "in a way" so thank you for pointing that mistake out, I've corrected it now! I'm glad you enjoyed reading the poem!