Sometimes there's a fear that clutches us,
one that makes your chest tremble
and your lips sealed tight.
*
A heartache no words can explain,
as you struggle to seem all right
even when your eyes say otherwise.
*
A hope that seems lost,
as words can't make out
the sadness that's overwhelming.
*
Sometimes you make yourself seem okay,
even though you're shivering inside
because you think no one will care...
*
Because no one does care.
*
But maybe that's a lie
You've grown accustomed to
after all what you've been through.
*
Maybe there's more to trust in people
than what you currently know.
Maybe you're not actually alone.
*
Because all you understand right now
is the wetness down your cheek
that reflects the emptiness in your heartbeat.
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139,820 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
This is a good poem. I think I might read it again, because it reminds me of my own work-in-progress.
One thing: The way the first stanza is written, I think "sealed" should be "seal". Also, since most of the poem is in second person, "us" would be better changed to "you".
Just a few nitpicks, but nothing majorly wrong with it. I liked it a lot!
Hello EscaSkye,
It's MergSword here early in the morning with a review for you!
I adore this poem! It's very relatable. I think several people have felt like this, and relatable poems tend to touch and have a special place in our hearts, because well, they're relatable.
I really like the first verse, it's about those magnetic openings in poetry that strike our attention.
This is the kind of poem that opens you up. You try to stay strong, but within, tears are ready to stream down your eyes.
Great poem, keep writing, and stay awesome!
~MergSword
I loved this! This poem has a place among my favorite poetry on the YWS. My favorite was stanza seven. The italicized words really added power to the poem, and the images were beautiful. I loved it when the poem said, "Sometimes you make yourself seem okay, even though you're shivering inside." I think the words you used were amazing, and the topic was really meaningful. EVeryone has cried emotionally before, so the poem very relatable. Great job!
Hi!
I absolutely loved this poem!!! I can relate to it so much and you conveyed the feeling perfectly - I don't think I have read a poem so relatable and true in a while. You said you wrote this before you went to sleep, maybe you were inspired by your feelings at that point but I know that before sleeping, is where I usually get mine.
I have felt like this before, as I'm sure loads of people have, and you conveyed the feeling of the pretence of being alright when inside you want to cry. And it's only when your alone, at night that you allow yourself to not be alright. It was amazing.
The first verse was really good. I liked it how you describe it as fear, because that's exactly it and I like how the reader can really identify with the "trembling" and "lips sealed tight" as if trying not to cry. Its also so true that no words can explain - even yourself you don't get it and I like how you said "struggle" to seem alright, because its so hard to keep up the pretence. And again, its so true that your eyes say otherwise.
And when the sadness really gets to you, it really does seem like nothing can ever be right again, like hope is lost, I thought you really conveyed the depth of the depression well in the 3rd verse. The imagery with "shivering inside" is great, because you feel empty and cold and trying to convince yourself that everyone is fine, because its so true, nobody cares about your problems - I can relate to that so much.
And I like that the next 2 verses are about how we still hope, and have faith that there's someone out there, that could understand us - and maybe one day we'll find them and we won't be alone anymore. Or that we think that we are just feeling sorry for ourselves, that we shouldn't be crying because of our miserable lives and we just need to get on with it - which makes us even sadder because there really is no answer.
So we focus on right now, the sadness that makes us cry because we aren't happy.
I absolutely love this poem. Please keep writing.
Ticktock