The broken pieces of your heart
crumbled into fine grey ash
when you learned
that you cannot return home.
*
[apparently, no one was waiting]
*
You cannot return home
the place that's been etched
to the back of your eyelids
and burned to your irises.
*
[and it broke your heart to know it's not like before]
*
The place where you used to run free
where the flowers were fragrant
and the drops that came upon your cheeks
were only from the falling pieces of the sky.
*
[and remembering it made you drown in an ocean of tears]
*
But please, despite it all, stay
where we are is home too
where we formed memories and dreams
too great to be broken by shallow breath.
*
[please, don't give up]
*
So please, hold on to me -- to everything
you can start again, even through all the pain
we'll build a fort, a castle, or a kingdom
with all the stars in the night sky.
*
[because where you are is where my home is]
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140,703 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
This is AMAZING!!!!!!! I know how it feels to not be able to return home. The are truly some of the feelings I have had. It is terrible and you capture that perfectly. I hope you continue to do more of this and this style it suites you. I think this is really good for obvious reasons. The best of wishes to you.
Haha, hello. Thank you for the compliment and the review. I hope you have fun this Review Day!
You too! Have a great review day!
Greetings,
I am guessing that this is more of a free form poem. I actually spent a few minutes trying to find the rhyme and rhythm to it. If I am wrong I am sorry. But then again, I am not great at reading poetry.
On to the review, I think that you did very well with your imagery for this poem. I believe that poetry is one of the harder writing styles out there and I commend people out there that are able to do it (Especially because I can't). While it may not rhyme I will admit that it has a good rhythm to is that keeps it moving.
Your details into what this is about are perfect. My only real trouble in all of this is who is saying this? The way that you have phrased a lot of your stanzas is that someone is that the narrator is talking to someone else and is trying to make them feel better, to give them hope. But I can't see who this is. Is it a friend? The spirit of home? Maybe it is something that each reader has to decide for themselves. I can't really tell. But it was confusing to me.
I believe that you have a gift for writing these sort of things and I hope to see more of them.
Happy Writing!
Hi!
Haha, don't worry. I'm fairly new to poetry too, so it means a lot that you like it and think that I have a gift for writing poems. As for the narrator, it's really up to you. I think you guys should be free to interpret it however way you want. If you mean what I was thinking personally while writing it though, the narrator is a friend talking to another friend.
Thanks for the review!
I like the way you are doing things like once you write something you add something to go with
that.
Like when you wrote one stanza you wrote something under neath that so it could go all
together in one big piece.
Also I like the way you write because I have written a lot of reviews and you are one of those
people that I like because of the way you write,like you make everything come together in one
big thing.
Also I like the way you set the poem up like when you said *(please don't give up) after that
you wrote something to go with that and I quote
"So please, hold on to me -- to everything
you can start again, even through all the pain
we'll build a fort, a castle, or a kingdom
with all the stars in the night sky."
and the reason I did this is because if you didn't understand what I meant I would just quote
what you said.
And one last thing before I go please keep writing I think you have a gift for writing like
some people but you are different then them because the way you write is unique and
different from what I read from other people.
Hi! Thanks for the compliments. I see you're fairly new to the site. I hope you enjoy your stay here and find other works that catch your fancy too!
Best of luck~