Cracked Glass

This is Kaos here for a review.

I didn't get why you capitalized all the "you"s and "yours" or anything like that and it annoyed me. It stuck straight out, too, because you decided not to capitalize with the rest of the poem. i suggest not capitalizing these words as it draws attention to them but away from the rest of the poem and it sticks out and it just feels rather unnecessary.

everyone thinks everything is all right

You even fooled yourself that

but none of you noticed the bloodied handprint on the wall

and the cracked glass on the bedroom cabinet

This first stanza was weak in starting up the theme of the poem, which I thought wasn't very strongly held. You use both "You" and then what I assume to be the universal "you" both in this stanza and it gets confusing for the reader. The transition between the "You" and the universal "you" is nonexistent and it's hard for the reader to know who "You" is and who "you" is because there's no sort of context that shows this throughout the poem. If the "You" is not the same as the "you", make distinctions between the two so that the reader can tell the difference.

The lines don't transition very well and it would most definitely benefit if you added in punctuation to the poem because you don't have any and it makes the flow feel awkward. The imagery here also needs some elaboration or clarity, is the bedroom cabinet still upright? Is the glass in fragments or is it still in chunks? What does the bloodied hand look like on the wall, has it dried? Is it smeared? Give us more detail to what you're trying to say. Use your five senses to describe things, think about imagery in that way and apply with what senses work best with the thing that you're trying to describe.

I’ll make you all remember Me

the stench of this doubt spreading throughout

the course of This body

the side of You which you want to disappear

Not really going to touch on the capitalization other than by now I'm just going to say, take it out. It doesn't benefit the poem and only weighs it down by drawing attention to little things and by using pronouns so often, you don't give time or room for any imagery to actually develop because you're stuck on that.

Stanzas should be able to be thought of almost as a whole thought, which isn't here. That doesn't mean they can't change or anything but the lines here jump around a lot because at first you're talking about making "them" ("you") remember you, then it goes on to talk about the stench and doubt and then the last line is about the side of the person referred to as "You" wanting that side to disappear. Give us more clarity because I couldn't decipher what you were trying to say here. So far from what I understand that something's not right and then the second stanza I interpreted as someone wanting to be remembered in history or have a legacy or something of that sort.

I’m just as valid as You are

that supposed perfect side of You

so stop ignoring Me because this will

simply ruin the both of Us

You state a lot of things in a blunt way with this poem. Instead of just outright telling us the meaning with the "You" and "Me" and "Us", express that emotion. Nobody cares if you just say something like "I'm angry" in a poem, because just saying "I'm angry" doesn't let the reader experience that emotion as well. I didn't care much for this poem because it didn't leave anything to interpret or feel. Instead of telling the person that "I'm just as valid", come up with something to go along with that. When I think of valid, I also think of invalid, I think of passwords with black dots.

The end theme seems to be that you don't want to be left behind and that there's only one shot at life. You could make this into something that really strikes someone. There's only one shot at life and how people could mess up in so many ways or something of that sort. I didn't talk about the last two stanzas much because I had the same input for them as I had the rest. Give us more clarity of what the lines are and what you're trying to do. Cut down on the pronouns and take time to build up on your lines and create imagery that is like a tree in the forest that you're trying to create. I suggest you keep the anger that I felt here and scrap the rest of it.

I hope this helped and have a great day!

Hello, EscaSkye! Geoff here to review. :>

Well, some of the wording in this poetry is golden. At least to me it is.

and the cracked glass on the bedroom cabinet

That's my favorite line in the entire poem. I don't know why but the words just taste so good.

As for the rest of it, I really like the tone. There's something methodical about this poem, clinical almost, and I really like that feel. It fits well. It makes me think that whoever is speaking is in the aftermath of what happened. Which brings me to my next point. I'm not entirely sure what happened. I'm rereading for the fourth time now (still love that line btw) and I'm 87% sure that it's about an abusive relationship in some way, shape, or form. I think you can still capitalize on that. Push it through more.

I don't entirely understand the reasoning for capitalizing certain words. (Me, Your, We, This). The capitalized "This" doesn't seem to make much sense in the scheme of capitalizing the individuals. "This" isn't an individual, is it?

and drown in the river of Your tears

If you were to only make one edit in the entire poem, I'd recommend changing this line. I appreciate what you're trying to do but it comes across like an angst-ridden teenager. Maybe if you worded it differently it would sound better? Please don't be offended or anything I'm just trying to help. *sweats*

Overall, rereading it for the seventh time now, I like the poem a lot. It's something that is generally relatable and vague enough to be open. Or at least to me. As with all reviews I give, don't take anything to heart. I can't wait to see where this goes. This has so much potential it's incredible.


Uh. Keep writing! I believe in you!

-Geoff