E - Everyone

Project: LOVE [Chapter 2 - Edited]

A/N: Hi guys! This is Chapter 2 for Project: LOVE as stated in the title. Chapter 1 could be found at the side. I'd appreciate any review you'd give me, but right now, I'd really love it if you could correct me on how I formatted the chat among the characters, as I didn't know how to properly write it down. Thanks for reading!

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By the time I got back home, I felt all the energy had been drained out of me. The one thing I wanted to do most right now was to snuggle a pillow under the covers and get some sleep, but if I did that, I knew that I wouldn’t wake up until the sunlight peeked through my bedroom curtains. I looked at my bedside drawer – the digital clock that sits on top currently read 8:00 pm. The others must have been waiting for me to go online for quite a while now. As much as I wanted to sleep, I couldn’t leave them hanging out to dry. Plus, I was the one who made them go online tonight. It wouldn’t be fair to skip out on them. I trudged my way to my computer desk and turned the PC on.

As expected, once I logged in Skype, a series of notifications met me. At the top of the list would be messages that came from my elementary group of friends – yes, we still hang out, as rare as that seems.

After that would be spam that came from no one else but the lovely Kasey, ranging from random hello’s to incomprehensible gibberish. Much of the gibberish though, seemed to have been caused by her frustrations on papers she couldn’t find inspiration to write. I laughed to myself at the idea – this early in the semester and she already had papers to do. That is totally not Kasey’s cup of tea. I told her to imagine she was writing it for her favourite professor but knowing her, that probably wouldn’t work for now. The semester break was still taking its toll on most of us.

Anyway, last of the list came from a new group chat – one containing Miguel, Oliver, Kasey, and I. I went ahead and typed in that I was there.

Kasey: About time you went online! What made you go on so late, chief?

Lara: Mm, organization work. I had a meeting with the club’s executive board to discuss an upcoming event.

Kasey: What event?

Lara: You’ll find out soon~

Initially, I saw that it was only me and Kasey talking, I got up from my chair, turned on the air conditioner, and quickly changed into my pyjamas, throwing what I had been wearing earlier on to the bed. Once I got back, I noticed that the other two members decided to join in on the conversation.

Oliver: Where’d Lara go?

Miguel: Maybe she ate. I think she just got back home.

Kasey: How would you know that, Miguel? D’you stalk Lara?

Miguel: No. I just assumed.

Kasey: Suureee.

Yes, she has the tendency to go overboard. I’m fine with it, I guess, so long as she isn’t kicking me anymore.

Lara: Back. Yes, I just came home a few minutes ago, because of a meeting like I said earlier; no, I didn’t eat, and Miguel definitely does not stalk me.

Miguel: You should eat.

Kasey: ^ Agree. (Plus you don’t know if he’s lurking in the bushes near your house.)

Lara: Don’t worry. I got myself some take-out on the way home. Pretty sure he isn’t in any of the bushes too, Kasey.

Oliver: Burger King?

Lara: McDonald’s. I’m not really a fan of Burger King, to be honest. Anyway, let’s start the meeting. Do you guys have any suggestions for what our focus should be?

For a moment, the chat became silent, aside from Oliver’s rants on how good Burger King products were. I took the opportunity and grabbed the McChicken burger out of the paper bag sitting on top of my desk as well as the large fries. When I bit into my burger, the silence was finally broken.

Kasey: How about romantic love? That’s in these days.

Oliver: It always is.

Kasey: We could do something that’ll take the class by storm, maybe like Tris and Four from Divergent.

Kasey: And yeah, like Oliver said. It’s always in.

Oliver: Too mainstream.

Kasey: Since when has the topic of love NOT been mainstream?

Lara: He just meant the way it’s been presented. True enough, we’ve been getting a lot of those action love stories and romantic comedies these days.

Kasey: But there’s a reason they’re still making them, right? That means a lot of people like those kinds of stuff.

Oliver: Like you.

Kasey: Shut up, Oliver.

Miguel: Don’t worry. Oliver likes those kinds of movies too.

Lara: Ooh, Oliver got burned by his partner in crime.

The bickering went on for a few more minutes, mainly with Kasey and Oliver about to virtually pull each other’s hair off. Honestly, I should be the one teasing her. They tend to argue like an old couple, as the cliché goes, while Miguel and I only served as the brief comic relief in the heated debates. The funniest thing these two got themselves in last time, which was at a blockmate’s debutante party, was get totally wasted because of a drinking contest. Kasey, apparently, in a moment of utter competitiveness (or stupidity) claimed she could drink more than Oliver could before one of them gets drunk. This guy, though usually reasonable, lost his common sense and took it up as a challenge. In the end, Miguel had to drop off both knocked out participants at their homes, along with a few other friends, since my way home was very different from theirs. I helped him get both people down the stairs though. Kasey was conscious, but barely so, and so she managed to walk down the stairs while relying on the both of us for support. Once we got her downstairs, we had to go back up to carry Oliver by his feet and arms down the long staircase. At least now, we know Kasey spoke the truth. She could handle her alcohol better then Oliver can – Miguel and I were there to testify about how sore we got the next day.

Kasey: Okay, okay. Before we waste all our time and bore Madame Lara over there, let’s talk about the bonus first. We all know what it is, right?

Oliver: Nope.

Kasey: Oliver, you’re a lost cause. Miguel, what about you?

Miguel: Yup.

Oliver: You should’ve back me up, bro!

Kasey: See, even Miguel knows. Lara definitely does, so let’s just pop the question: Who are the faces of our team couple?

Let me explain. There’s a unique bonus our professor is letting us do, and like all bonuses, it’s optional. It’s to have a team couple – sort of like a team mascot. They don’t have to be an actual couple, but they should role play as one. They have to go on dates and make a podcast (however hard that seems) about how it went for others to follow. We have to make a channel for it and post regularly as well. It doesn’t have to be a recap of what happened – it could be about how one of them felt during the date and what not. As for romance, like kissing and what not, that doesn’t have to happen. That’s up for the two to decide. The rule is that one of them should be within the same team. If, however, the team decides to get another person involved, that person is not spared from the regular updates, no matter how hectic their schedule is, so it’s better if both faces were within the team.

Kasey: I vote for Lara and Miguel!

That was fast.

Oliver: I think that’s a good idea.

Miguel: I’m okay with it if Lara’s game.

Oliver: So… it’s all up to you Lara.

Kasey: Miguel’s alright with the idea.

Why does it have to be me and him…? Kasey, you little troublemaker. Why did he have to agree so quickly too? Am I the only one here that’s sort of bothered by this?

Lara: Why can’t it be you and Oliver?

Oliver: Are you turning Miguel down? His heart would be broken.

Miguel:

Kasey: See, he’s speechless already.

Miguel: I didn’t mean it that way.

Oliver: Lies.

Lara: Seriously, why can’t you and Kasey be the couple?

Kasey: Because you both look better together. Oliver and I are like cat and dog. We probably won’t be able to finish a date even if you tied us up and threw us at a venue!

Lara: Is that a dare?

Kasey: No, that wasn’t a dare! DON’T YOU TRY THAT OUT, LARA.

Lara: I might just.

Oliver: Okay… I think I have an idea how all our problems would be fixed.

For some reason, within the next minute or two, no one replied to his message. We were all too surprised that Oliver contributed an idea this early on, especially one where we seemed to be in conflict with.

Oliver: Lara, why don’t you and Miguel go on a pre-assignment date? If you’re okay with how it goes, then maybe you both can be the couple for the first three dates. If it doesn’t work out, like if you don’t like it or it feels awkward, then Kasey and I will take your places.

That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. It’s better than just being thrown into the bonus right away.

Lara: Is that allowed? There isn’t anything written in the paper about that.

Oliver: Well, we can ask. If ever, we could just say you guys are busy or things aren’t working out right. I bet he’d give us a chance since we’d already have started the podcasts by then.

Lara: Okay… sounds good to me. Kasey, Miguel, what about you guys?

Kasey: As much as I don’t like the idea of you two possibly not being the couple, I’ll agree. Seems like the only way to make you say yes anyway.

Good thing she knows.

Miguel: Okay. When should we go out?

What.

Kasey: HAHAHA! He’s getting right to the point!

Oliver: The moves!

Oh man... why does he have to be so blunt?

Lara: Let’s talk about that later. Let’s get back to the previous issue – any more ideas for what our focus should be? Though I have something in mind.

Kasey: She’s escaping, guys. Lara’s changing the topic.

Make up your mind, Kasey. Are you for me or against me? Stupid question. Of course she’d be in favour of what she wants to happen.

Lara: I mean it! We can talk about that later…

Before Kasey and I could argue even more, a new message from one of the guys came into view.

Miguel: I have an idea…

Oliver: Let’s both hear it! You and Lara.

As if on cue, we both entered our ideas at the same time.

Lara: How about love in the everyday?

Miguel: What about everyday manifestations of love?

Wow. We thought of the same idea. Seems like great minds do think alike.

Kasey: Need I say more as to why you both need to be our mascot couple?

Lara: Kasey…

Kasey: I know, I know. I like the idea, by the way.

Oliver: Same here. I like the concept too, but how are we going to make a script on that?

Lara: We don’t need to.

As if we were in the same room, Miguel continued what I was about to say before I could even enter it.

Miguel: We can just shoot random scenes and interview people about their real life experiences. There’s bound to be a lot of things we can shoot, we just have to be aware of those situations more.

Lara: I can bring my camera around – maybe you guys could bring yours too. If you can’t, then high definition phone videos could also work.

Kasey: I’ll try! So, when do we start filming, chief? Knowing you, I bet you already have a date in mind. (Double meaning there, hehehe).

Lara: Well, actually… think we can all start tomorrow? Since we’re filming at real time and all. (I think I got that, Kase.)

Kasey: I should have known.

Miguel: Sure.

Oliver: Okay… as much as I’m still lazy to do anything academic.

Lara: Thanks guys!

I checked the time. It was 9:30 pm. We’ve been talking for quite a while now.

Kasey: Now that that’s settled, so~ Lara and Miguel… when is your date going to be?

Lara: Are you coming along?

Kasey: No! Of course not! It’s your date, not mine. I just wanted to know for… reasons.

Reasons… sure. Not only do I have to go on a date now, but I also have to check every corner for a set of eyes and moving bushes. Just as I was about to input something in the group chat, a new message thread came into view. One between only me and Miguel.

Miguel: Lara? When do you want to go out?

Ah… privacy. Good job, Miguel.

Lara: When are you free?

Miguel: I don’t have anything planned yet, so I’m free during the weekends. I could also go out after classes.

Lara: Oh, okay then. How about this Saturday? So that we won’t have to worry about classes the next day.

Miguel: Alright! Do you want to go anywhere in particular? Should I pick you up from your house?

Oh, is he the gentleman type? I didn’t think he was.

Lara: No, you don’t need to. I can just meet up with you wherever we’re going. Also, I’ll leave the details to you. Surprise me.

Miguel: You’re giving me a challenge, huh? Haha.

Lara: Good luck, “honey”. Hahaha!

Miguel: Okay, darling. I’ll just pick you up instead. Get excited for the best date ever.

Hey, since we’re doing this anyway, I might as well just joke around with the name calling, but I’ll just be doing that in chat. No way am I saying those things in real life.

Lara: You sound as conceited as Oliver.

Miguel: He may have rubbed off some of his “charms” on me.

Lara: Let’s hope you didn’t get all that affected.

Miguel: He might cringe if he found out you said that.

Lara: Well, he won’t know, will he now?

Miguel: Cross my heart.

Maybe this won’t be as bad as I thought, not that I’m ready to jump back into Cupid’s arena, but Miguel and I probably won’t be as awkward as I had in mind. Still though, I’m not going to make it an easy victory for Kasey and Oliver – I’m raising my bar high. I don’t really want to hang around with the guys from our block right now, much more someone who’s actually pretty close with Liam.

Hold on. Liam again?! I should really think of other things.

Kasey: Helloooo? Are you both leaving us hanging here? Miguel, Laraaaa.

Lara: Whoops! Sorry. We already have a date set, so no worries.

Kasey: When is it?

Lara: That’s for us to know and you to find out.

Knowing Kasey, I should have already guessed what was coming up next. In the message thread with only the two of us, she quickly began spamming me with questions about details on the date. She isn’t as chill when it comes to her ships, apparently. I didn’t reply to any of them, instead, I only laughed the more desperate looking her messages seemed. I put the group thread back up.

Lara: Well, meeting’s over. Good night guys!

Oliver: Good night!

Miguel: Night.

Kasey: Wait! Lara, you haven’t answered my questions!

Lara: G’night~!

Kasey: LARAAAAAAAA!

I paid no more attention to Kasey and logged out of Skype. She can drown in the thoughts of her anticipation – I’m not going to clear anything up. I’m having enough fun keeping her on her toes.

As I got out of the chair and turned off my computer, a thought came up to mind. It looks like it’ll be an interesting week and intriguing weekend up ahead. I plopped down on my bed and curled under the covers, turning off the only source of light left which was from my bedside lamps.

Well, whatever happens Lara, you’ve got some things to take care of. Better get your weapons prepared.

After all, it seems like Cupid’s trying to force his way in.

Comments & reviews · 8
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User avatar
Apricity
Comment
User avatar
Redbox275
Comment

Great second chapter!! First off, I do like the formatting of the chatting between the characters. It's clear and easy to read who is chatting and when Lara is thinking. The conversation itself was pretty cute as well. I am excited for the third chapter.

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Redbox275
Comment

Great second chapter!! First off, I do like the formatting of the chatting between the characters. It's clear and easy to read who is chatting and when Lara is thinking. The conversation itself was pretty cute as well. I am excited for the third chapter.

User avatar
Brunnera
Review

Hello, EscaSyke! I return to give another review on your lovely story. With this chapter, it has successfully captured my attention, and, bear in mind, since this is what I consider to be a romance story, to pique my interest is no easy feat.

Technical errors, first, I guess.

" I looked at my bedside drawer – the digital clock that sits on top currently read [eight o’clock pm.] "

I know that it is probably common knowledge that numbers are hardly used in literature with a few minor exceptions. And time is one of those exceptions. If you want to add the word "pm" at the back of a time, it should be "8.00 pm", since "eight o'clock pm" is wrong. However, if you want to keep the "o'clock", it should be "eight o'clock at night". Only use digits for "pm" and "am".

The second paragraph is too long, and for many readers, when a paragraph gets too long, one gets lazy to read it and finds it troublesome, so one is prone to skip it entirely or just skim through it without taking the time to fully appreciate each word. The second paragraph is mainly about the notifications that Lara received. Once you've pointed out the first few notifications are from her elementary school friends, start a new paragraph, and then start the brief Kasey story. That done, start another paragraph and point out the group chat.

These different levels of attention are what I mean by starting a new paragraph every time the reader's attention is brought elsewhere.

" [While] I saw that it was only me and Kasey talking, I got up from my chair (...) "

The word "while" has been used incorrectly. You see, "while" is to describe the actions of two different persons, like "she ate an apple while I drank some water" or something of the sort. Besides that, the first sentence before the first comma has no particular relevance to the following lines, so perhaps you should alter it to:

"Initially, it was only me and Kasey talking. It was then I got up from my chair (...)"

It sounds better.

" For some reason, within the next minute or two, no one replied to his message. [Were we all too surprised that Oliver contributed] an idea this early on, especially one where we seemed to be in conflict with. "

"Were we all"? This line wasn't in the form of a question, so perhaps this was simply an overlooked error.

" Kasey, you little. "

I know these words are basically everyday speech, but you should know this isn't in a form of thought, but personal narrative. Bear in mind thoughts and personal narrative are almost the same but also different.
Personal narrative is more professional, to tell the reader the story and bring the plot out smoothly, besides adding in some side notes. Thoughts are lines that have to do with the current situation and behold certain emotions.
Since the above is in personal narrative, either add the word "minx" or "troublemaker" to complete it, or simply make those three words in italic form to indicate it as a thought.

My opinion of the chat is that it was completely fine. It was correctly formatted, and I appreciate that you have pulled it off correctly. There's nothing that needs changing about it.

Now for my personal opinion.

I enjoyed the very welcoming aura of this chapter. To have a group chat discussing an assignment is something that everybody has done, so the high possibility of having a reader able to relate to the situation makes the whole chapter very realistic. You have pulled off this genre very well.

I enjoyed the short, concise personal narrative that you slipped in between the chats. It gives us an insight of Lara's thoughts of the current situation and keeps the story going.

Hmm, I enjoyed the Miguel/Lara moments, and those hints of the seemingly hopeless Kasey/Oliver is intensely appeasing. I love the sweet, innocent romantic touch in the chats. Not to mention the tinge of calming humour. One finds it hard to suppress a smile or grin when reading this.

Overall, this was a nice chapter. I enjoyed it a lot, so great job! Always love a good read.

~Brunnera

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sat Oct 18, 2014 3:40 pm

Hi Esca!

It's me, Deanie, back here to review your next chapter. I've seen that you've posted your third one so I better catch up again! I think you did the chat set out perfect here, and I don't think you should change it at all! I am also very grateful that you didn't go into the eye aching text speak throughout it as well even though people often do use it in chat. So, yes, the formatting has been done perfectly. Also I LOVE YOU SO MUCH for getting the ellipses right in your writing as well <3 I have been correcting a lot of issues with that lately, which is the reason I am so happy about it ^.^ I also feel like we are seeing more of Miguel and Lara being set up. Poor them :3 Haha, I wonder how their little date will go. Its so cringe worthy for their date to be set up in a group chat, prompted by others xD

but if I do that, I knew that I wouldn’t wake up until the sunlight peeks through my bedroom curtains.


I don't really have many nitpicks for you, but one thing I have noticed is that in your writing you have been slipping into present tense when you actually write the majority of this in past tense, so I am sensing a small mistake here? It's hard to keep on in one tense if it doesn't come naturally, but with a lot of practice you can get there. For this sentence the 'do' should really be a 'did' and the 'peeks' needs no s and an 'ed' at the end instead.

I can’t leave them hanging out to dry.


This sentence shares the same problem as the one I have pointed out above. Can't is a word which slips into the present tense easily, so I thought it would be worth pointing out. It should be 'couldn't' instead.

seems to have been caused by her frustrations on papers she couldn’t find inspiration to write


*seemed. Now that makes this past tense.

Kasey was still barely conscious


The still and barely put together don't sound too good together. If I had to change it I would make this 'Kasey was conscious, but barely so, and ...'

Kasey, you little.


I know what you mean and what you're trying to bring across here, but it doesn't work so well when written. I feel like you need to put another word at the end of this, like a name so that it can actually be name calling. It doesn't have to be anything too rude if you don't want it to be, but without it this sentence seems odd and abrupt.

I don't get why they need to go on a predate. They don't really have to date for the assignment, and they simply acting, being faces of the video instead people who are really in love. I feel a bit confused here as to why the predate is necessary? Maybe Miguel fancies her, but then again, if they are in an acting situation and he is as gentlemanly as pointed out, he wouldn't try anything in that situation. So I don't really get the whole predating business :/

I know I briefly mentioned this from reading the first chapter, but I will say it again - I still don't feel like she likes Kasey much. Now she shows her as someone who takes challenges a bit too seriously, (the drinking one) and is very nosey, wanting to set up her friend and all. From what I hear she's inconsiderate and not a very good friend to have at all? So yes, I hope for better in the third chapter and we really need a lifeline for her so we can see that she is actually a valuable friend to have before we start to dislike the character as readers.

Aside from the points above mentioned, I have nothing more to say. I will get busy and go and read your other chapters! Keep writing ^.^

Deanie x

Hey Deanie! Thanks for reviewing Chapter 2. :)

I didn't notice those slip ups in the tenses. I'll fix them when I edit again! As for the predate thing, the group knew Lara wasn't really too game for the idea, so they figured they'd have her try it out once, coating it as a predate, since as you said, she takes things way too seriously. Now, for Lara being a valuable friend, I kind of planned of writing that bit by bit as the story goes. Hopefully I hinted out some stuff in Chapter 3 why she's acting this way - also, it focuses a bit more of her and Kasey, as well as how she feels (though I kind of feel a bit weird how I typed that out).

Well, that's all from me for now! Thanks again. :D

User avatar
keystrings
Review

Hello there! I am here to take this out of the Green Room! Yay! Alright, down to business, I loved the chat so much! You write humor really cleverly, and I loved the way you incorporated what Lara was thinking while she was messaging, like WindSailor had said in his review. I am falling in love with these characters so much because of the way you write and explain them. So marvelous! You wrote the chat perfectly, and I appreciated that you added in all of the random sound effects everyone makes when they're chatting: the "mms" and "hahahahaha" just wonderful! Sorry, I'm gushing way too much, but I can't help it! *falling in love* I didn't see many mistakes, as most of it was the chat, but I suggest (as I do to everyone I review) that you look it over, checking you have enough "that" and commas to keep the story flowing. Other than that, perfection! Thanks so much for writing this, and have a great day!
Love,
Perks

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freetowrite101 Comment

Wow!! Thats was really really good. How do you think of things like this? Can you help.me with my book that im writing? I wouls love to talk to u more about this if you like.
Really good job, you should really keep writing n hoping that you make this into a book n i would buy iy n read it

Hello! Perhaps it was your internet, but the same message appeared thrice. Don't worry about it though. Also, I would gladly tall to you about that book you're writing! Hopefully you wouldn't mind if we chat more about it next week though. It's the end of the semester for me and a lot of work is keeping me hectic. Thank you for the compliment by the way!

That would be lovely and good luck!! ^^

User avatar
WindSailor
Review

Hello, WindSailor here to review this chapter. So I am really starting to like this story, it is really funny and interesting to read. This chapter mainly consisted of the Skype conversation, so I will be mainly talking about that.

The formatting of the conversation seemed fine to me. It was proper and easy to follow. Also, while speaking of the formatting, I like how you added Lara's thoughts as she had the conversation. It made you feel like you really understood Lara.

Now, the content of the conversation was also well done. It was first off, realistic enough that it could happen, also, it had a few bits of comedy in there that kept it interesting. Furthermore, the relationship between Lara and Kasey is fun to read and watch unfold. I love how Kasey keeps trying to push Lara to be with Miguel, it is pretty amusing.

Each character in the story is very dynamic and they are well developed. You have Miguel and Oliver's friendship, and then you have the two girls, and when they all mix it is great. Their different personalities create a fun atmosphere and makes for a good story and drama. I am interested to see how these characters develop later on.

The overall story line is unique, and so far, I am really liking it. The concept of making a mini movie of sorts on the topic of love is a fun one. Let me know when the next chapter is published here, I will read it and review it happily. Good job on this chapter, it was a great transition from chapter 1. :)

Hello! Thank you for the review. I'm glad you like it and the characters! I'll be sure to let you know when the update comes.



Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
— Noam Chomsky