Project: LOVE [Chapter 12.2 - Revised & Edited]

The gentle expression on his face turned to one filled with melancholy. I stopped treating him.

“At first, I thought Lara was like Chris – treating me badly just for kicks. But then as time passed, I realized that wasn’t the case,” he shrugged and looked at me in the eye. “If it was, everyone in the club would have stopped you, but they didn’t. When I thought about it more and observed you, I noticed that despite your actions and words, your eyes were saying different things. Well, you know the saying… so there.”

So he’s been playing along with me too, huh? That’s why I had this strange gut feeling that something was different with him recently.

“You sure you’re just not misinterpreting things?” I placed the tube back into the kit.

“Pretty sure, otherwise, you wouldn’t have defended me earlier, right?”

There’s no way around it now. He caught me.

“But then… you’re probably only being nice to me because of how timid I am,” he said with a strained smile. That wasn’t something I was expecting.

“I know I’m not the type of person you’d rather acquaint yourself with. I mean, compared to Kasey and your other friend, I’m not much, am I? I’m just a guy who’s –“

“Stop right there,” I flicked him on the forehead. “Dan, you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people. Be comfortable with who you are, because there’s no real other way for you to be.”

Big words for a girl like me, ironically.

“Why? It’s true, isn’t it? You only feel sorry for me and you’re just doing this because you feel this is what you have to do as my senior,” he said, a tinge of hurt in his voice.

Were these his thoughts the whole time he was around me?

“If that was the case, I wouldn’t have bothered playing charades this whole time,” I replied, slightly furrowing my brows. “I could have just sympathized with you, but I didn’t. I pretended to be mean in hopes that you’ll grow to learn to stand up for yourself. And you did, Dan. I wasn’t expecting their retaliation earlier, but still, I’m happy.”

I took a breath then checked Kasey and the others. They nodded their heads. “Plus it has nothing to do about me being your senior. I did that because I like you for who you are, nothing else.”

“For who I am?”

“Chances are, Dan, that Lara’s been keeping an eye on you and how you act in situations. There must have been something she saw that piqued her interest for her to become this active in trying to help you in her own unique way,” Kasey cut in, letting her head rest on her palm as she leaned closer to us. “Trust me, it’s not always that I see her like that. Even I had to go through some rough patches to get through to her.”

He squinted and shifted his gaze from me to Kasey. “Aren’t you best friends? Shouldn’t it have been easy?”

Kasey and I looked at one another and didn’t reply. I don’t think either of us really thought about what kind of friends we were. So far, I’ve only acknowledged that she’s the closest one to me, but even then, there are things I keep to myself. I suppose the same holds true for her.

“Our friendship aside,” I changed the topic, unsure where the question would lead to. “Even though it might be hard for you to believe in right now, I’ll repeat: I like you for who you are, Dan, and what I did was not due to academic relationships but because I genuinely was worried for you. That’s all. Trust me.”

Dan went quiet for a while, but shook his head and looked down. “…hey, Lara?”

“What is it?”

He paused and took a breath, his cheeks showing a faint tint of red. The afternoon sun beamed through in gentle shades through the windows as the leaves slowly fell, likely due to some mild breeze. “Can I… hug you?”

Hug me?

I was surprised, and telling by the looks on everyone’s faces, they were too. Nevertheless, I shrugged and spread my arms, wide.

“Come here,” I smiled.

Without anything more needing to be said, Dan wrapped his arms around me tight, his grip so firm and secure that I felt like I needed some space to breathe. I didn’t voice it out, however, and just hugged him too. I realized later that he was crying, as the back of my shoulder was starting to get wet, drop by drop. He had also been hiding small, stifled sobs; so I caressed his back, hoping to make him feel better.

“You’ll be alright, I promise.” I whispered, continuing to stroke his back.

In that moment, that’s when I understood. In his quiet, peaceful demeanour was someone who wanted to know another person was there for him – someone who would be there to break his barrier and hold him when it all shatters. I didn’t let go. Neither of us did.

That afternoon as everyone gazed on at us, I embraced the role of being someone’s rock – becoming somewhat the person I wanted to have. Someone to stay by me when the going gets tough; someone who won’t give up on me no matter what.

But that’s when it hit me – I already had that person. She had been there for me, starting from the day she watched me quietly as I moped months before and possibly longer. She was the person who usually had a warm smile prepared, so that when I would glance at her, there’d be something pleasant to see.

Finally, she’s who I find myself slowly opening up to, and just a while ago, she became vulnerable to me too.

Kasey.

I chuckled quietly as she gave me the thumbs up.

I guess the truth was, everyone wanted someone they can be themselves to. No one is exempt from that.

Not Dan. Not Kasey.

Not even me.

********

“The Commander and Susan stood beside…”

I glanced at the two who sat across me. One was checking out the book I was reading whereas the other was playing with her phone.

Why were they here in club room anyway? I don’t recall inviting them yesterday after the encounter.

“The Commander and Susan –“

He was still staring. I gave up, closed the book, and slid it across the table to Miguel.

“It’s ‘Digital Fortress’ by Dan Brown. No need for you to spy on me anymore,” I sighed, then used my hand to block out the bright light that came from the photography stand one of the members turned on, possibly preparing for the requested shoot for an upcoming student talent show. “Remind me why you guys are here?”

“We’re just waiting for Dan,” Miguel replied, opening the book to the prologue.

I cocked my head to the side. What could they be waiting for him for?

“Lara, Paul says he can’t come to the meeting today. Do you want to go ahead with it or should we schedule it another time?” one of the female members asked, waving at my two uninvited guests. “I wonder what happened to him. This is the first time he ever sent me a message saying he can’t go to a meeting he set.”

Jeez, I rolled my eyes. I wonder why?

“Well, you guys decide. I’m fine with any. I know what he wanted to talk about anyway.”

She, along with other members, grouped up and discussed among themselves on the table diagonally across from ours. Kasey, in the meantime, talked to me.

“Perks of being an executive member,” she teased, winking, as she put down her phone. I shrugged in response. “Oh, Lara, I wanted to ask you about something you said yesterday.”

Something I said yesterday?

Before she could continue, however, a familiar face entered the room. He scratched his head as most of the members turned their heads in his direction until he covered his eyes too, probably blinded by the light set up near the doorway.

You’ll obviously gain attention with how you look at the moment, and someone should turn that thing off until the participants come.

“Dan! We’ve been waiting for you,” Kasey greeted, raising her hand. “Mind if you come over here?”

Quietly, he moved to where we were at sat next to me, rubbing his eyes. “What’s up?”

I raised my brow. “Same question. Maybe this time, I’ll get a direct answer.”

“Patience, chief,” Kasey chuckled. She then turned to Dan. “Dan, can we interview you for a while? It’s for a film project the three of us – well, plus another person, is doing. We’d love it if you’d be part of the video.”

I blinked. So that’s what they’re up to. They didn’t tell me about this. What would they ask him anyway?

“…okay then?” he glanced at all three of us confusedly. I shrugged when he sent me a look that seemed to want to ask me what was happening. I was as clueless as he was. I didn’t even know why they kept this from me.

The two nodded at one another; afterwards, Miguel proceeded to take out a camera from his black pouch then focused it on Dan. When they were all set, the interview began as the rest of us watched.

“Why do you draw? And why do you draw those that you do?” Kasey asked, her eyes appearing to gleam in interest.

Drawing, huh. Now that I think about it, what does he draw? I only saw one from yesterday.

I could see Dan fidget in his seat as I scooted away, so as not to be seen on camera. For a brief moment, he glanced at me.

“I draw because that’s how I get things off my mind. It’s how I express myself and my thoughts, as well as how I record some memorable events. There’s something to images on paper that draws me in,” he began. “You can write about it and leave things to someone else’s mind, sure, but I wanted to be different. I wanted to grab what’s already there and show was it was like, trying to capture the feelings behind the scenes like a photograph would. That’s why I picked it up as a hobby.”

Taking a breath and tapping his finger on his lap, Dan continued. “As for what I draw, well… I sketch things and people I find beautiful. They’re precious things I don’t want to forget – like a kitten’s smile and sometimes, the whole subject itself.”

He paused then looked at Kasey and Miguel, as if expecting them to understand something the rest of us didn’t. “I try to draw them with no bias, but I end up putting a bit of my own feelings anyway, making the work more personal to me. I suppose I draw what I both see and feel, which may not be how others see the subject, but hey, I like them, and that’s what matters to me.”

Draws things he finds beautiful, huh? Things he doesn’t want to forget…

“That’s about it, unless you want to share some sketches with us,” Kasey invited, but he shook his head. With his decision made, Miguel stopped recording and hid his camera again.

“You draw, Dan? Can we see some of your artworks sometime?” a member chirped, then turned to address me. “And Lara, would it be okay with you if we do the meeting some other time?”

“I have no qualms with that. I’ll just notify everyone about when it’ll push through,” I answered, grabbing my backpack from underneath the table and getting off the bench. “Kase, let’s head home together.”

“I brought my car, but I’ll walk with you to the lot.” She stretched, raising her hands above her head. Once she was done, she slung on her bag and we went out of the room, making our way to the elevator.

“Hey, Kase. What was that you were saying earlier?”

Kasey turned around and seemed to think, then snapped her fingers. “Right. I almost forgot. I meant to ask you about that thing you said about being yourself.”

“Which one? The one when I was smart talking Chris or when I was lecturing Dan?”

“Both,” she said, pushing the glass door open, leading to the small area where the elevator was. Balloons floated to the ceiling, filling up almost every available space on the smoothed white cement, as their ribbons reached down in varying lengths. Amused, I pulled on one and held it. Kasey stared at the set up for a while and gently grabbed her own before continuing what she was saying.

“What if the person just wanted to run away from something? Let’s say they wanted to forget an event or balance out their emotions, and the way they’re coping is through pretending to be anything but what they’re feeling?” she asked, rotating the balloon. “I wonder if it’d be okay to keep one.”

“…that’s an oddly specific question you prepared,” I raised a brow. “And I’m not sure.”

“It’s a just a situation that came to mind,” she replied, pushing on the down arrow button.

I nodded slowly, unsure whether I wanted to confront her about it. “Well –“

“Lara?”

Kasey and I shifted our attention to the person standing a few feet behind me. I opened my mouth to speak. “Dan?”

He stood there for a while, ignoring the ribbons that sat on his head and shoulders, as if frozen in place until he managed to pick up his feet and walk towards me. He stopped when he was about a foot away and held out two pieces of folded paper.

“I wanted you to have this,” he said softly. “I also wanted to say thank you for yesterday.”

“It’s no problem at all,” I blinked, letting go of the balloon and taking the pieces of paper.

Before I could unfold them however, Dan quietly but quickly went away, however, not before murmuring, “you could keep one. It’s my other organization’s doing.” Something in his movement made me feel like he was nervous.

What was that about?

When I opened them, I was surprised by what I saw. They were drawings of me.

“Ooh, the artist was too shy to check your reaction,” Kasey teased as she nudged me, checking out the artwork too. “You have to admit, the drawing is pretty spot on to the actual thing.”

One of them was of the three of us, with me in the center looking fierce, leaning somewhat on Kasey with one hand on her shoulder whereas the other one was on Dan’s. I assumed that must have been inspired by the confrontation yesterday with Chris. The other was me appearing to look directly at us, smiling tenderly.

I get the first one, but what inspired him for the second drawing?

“So chief, what do you think? How are you going to respond to him?” she smiled. “By the way, I’m taking one. He gave you permission anyway.”

“Respond to him?” I asked, still somewhat dazed, only managing to nod my head in reply to her other statement.

Kasey rolled her eyes and pulled on my ear slightly. “The guy indirectly confessed to you. I’m asking about what you’re going to do now.”

Confessed?

I studied the artworks again, then remembered some stuff Dan said earlier in the interview.

“I sketch things and people I find beautiful. They’re precious things I don’t want to forget – like a kitten’s smile and sometimes, the whole subject itself.”

Hoo boy.

How long did he like me? Actually, WHY does he like me? I haven’t even been pleasant to him for the past months!

…he’s got a weird taste in girls.

I felt my cheeks grow hot, but thankfully, the ring indicating the elevator would soon open saved me from being under Kasey’s stare any longer.

“Saved by the bell – literally,” Kasey joked, going inside. “I’ll let this slip, but don’t count on it once he begins courting you, chief.”

“What makes you think he’ll court me?” I asked, folding the papers and placing them inside my bag, specifically between books so as not to ruin them.

Hey, wait a minute. Miguel and Kasey were looking at the sketchpad yesterday, then Kasey asked me that weird question when Dan was away…

So they knew this was going to happen?

They knew how he felt before I did?

“He just seems like the type of guy who’ll work to gain your attention. Call it a gut feeling,” she winked. “Now come on and get in, unless you want to take the stairs.”

I snapped my attention back to Kasey and smiled sheepishly, then went inside the elevator. I guess they did. Still, even though I was late to find out… this is a pleasant surprise. I never received anything like this before.

Once the doors closed, I leaned on the back most portion then looked up at the lights. One of them was blinking repeatedly. “As for your question, I’m not sure how to answer that, but I personally think it’ll only hurt the person more if they try hiding from their problems – not that I’m one to consult about the issue well with but… I hope you’ll find someone you could share your problems with, Kase. Someone whom you don’t have to pretend to and just be at ease with; who you think will be there whenever you need them to be.”

She went silent for a while then sighed. “I can never hide things from you, can I?”

I smiled and shook my head slowly, though she probably wouldn’t notice since she kept her eyes on the buttons. “No, you can. Just call it a gut feeling.”

“Copycat,” she laughed. “You don’t have to worry though, because I’ve already found the person you’re wishing for me to meet a long time ago.”

“That’s good,” I said, smiling. Part of me wondered who that person was, but the other half didn’t want to at the same time. It was some sort of mixed feeling wherein I wanted to encourage them but also not to.

What a jealous person I am.

“Hey, Kase? Mind if…” I paused, then continued once I let out a huge breath. “Mind if I ask you this time around?”

She furrowed her brows. “Shoot.”

“What kind of friends are we?”

The question took her by surprise and I’m not wondering why. We never spoke of it – I don’t think it ever crossed our minds nor did we feel the need to discuss such things. I don’t know why I had the urge to do so now though.

Both of us kept quiet then.

Crap. What did you just do, Lara?

We barely looked at one another then, with the only thing I could keep my eyes on being the lavender balloon which Kasey held on to with her left hand, until the elevator doors opened at the ground floor. In front of us, the university theatre club was doing a short performance of the play inspired by the myth of Pygmalion, gain the interest of students and invite them to watch their show. When we shared glances, we couldn’t help but giggle.

“Looks like you’re not getting a break from cupid after all.” Kasey teased, nudging my side as the man, supposedly playing the character inspired by Pygmalion, cupped the girl’s grey cheek.

“So he decided to poke some fun at me today. Let’s go before my artist comes down and we end up filling in their roles.” I played along, somewhat amused by the turn of events as well as the break from the awkwardness inside the elevator.

We spoke of random things until we were on the sidewalk near the entrance of the parking lot. By then, Kasey shifted the discussion back to my previous question.

“Does it matter how it is right now?” she asked, glancing at me. I gave a faint smile.

“I guess not. I’m sorry for asking all of a sudden.”

Kasey stared at me for a while then smiled. “That person who I met though – the one you wished me to, I feel like we’ll be the best and truest of friends.”

“Sounds nice,” I replied, feeling the jealousy in me somehow rise.

“It does. I just need to understand her more and break down her own pretentions first,” she grinned. “So Lara, make it easier for me and let down your guard, will you?”

Make it easier for her? Then that means…

Kasey continued to grin at me. “Silly, you’re so transparent. Don’t look so down until you’ve asked me who the person is. Be sad then, if you want to.”

“So then…”

Kasey chuckled. “Who else but you? So you better prepare yourself, because once I cling on, you can never get rid of me.”

I laughed. I wasn’t sure whether it was because of what she said or just plain happiness. “Who said you haven’t already?”

“Oh, you have seen nothing yet, pal.”

I wasn’t able to stop myself. I ran up to her and hugged her tight. “I’ll prepare, I promise.”

Just like yesterday, I felt a wave of emotions wash through me upon holding someone in my arms: happiness, nervousness, and maybe even a hint of confusion. But that didn’t really matter much then. I squeezed her tighter than I had before, but unlike my reaction towards Dan yesterday, Kasey openly tried to get away from me, stating she still needed air in order to live. I merely laughed and held on longer, though somewhat gentler.

Then I realized. The question wasn’t whether I wanted to be emotionally invested again or not, because the truth was that I already was. The real question was to what degree I wanted to be attached to someone and how far I’m willing to accept that there are some people I can’t see myself without – this person here being one of them.

I really am one silly kid.