z

Young Writers Society



A faulty little ragtime jam.

by Eraqio


What does it mean to be in the arms of a Lover?
Is it a sense of security, of selfishness redeemed?
If its the latter, I must disagree,
because none is more than enough for me.
Just check your watch and mind your wallet,
affection 's expensive it seems.

Don't you just love...

The way we dance among the caskets with all the inspiration in us.
A simple nod, a sideways glance is all it takes to make you mine.
The satisfaction of making you imagine my hands around your throat.
So I hope your husband doesn't mind my stares,
'cause if he really cared
the daggers in his eyes would have gone through me.
So I hope your husband doesn't mind the way,
you always seem to say
"What was your name?"

A lady, wouldn't mind me.
A starry eyed girl on the other hand cant seem to get enough.
Funny how these work out, these summer rain romances,
in the corner of the ballroom we'll ruin our good names.

Well would you care to...

Dance among the caskets with all the inspiration now gone.
A simple nod, a sideways glance is all it takes to make you mine.
His satisfaction with putting another round through my heart.
Now I know your husband minds my stares,
but if I really cared,
would they be building a pine box for me?
So you think your husband ever seems to care
the way you feel his hair,
and compare it to the lock you kept from me?

Your lady, didn't mind me.
But your temper cost the world a pair of tragedies.
Funny what they say about a dead man
when they know he's not around to lend an honor's hand.

"If I died, before I got your answer ... would you tell it to my grave?"

"Till the flowers wilted."


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Fri Mar 13, 2009 12:36 am
bubblewrapped wrote a review...



I really love this poem. It's got a great tone to it that really suits the subject matter. I loved this part in particular:

So you think your husband ever seems to care

the way you feel his hair,

and compare it to the lock you kept from me?


Made me laugh XD

One thing I would suggest is remove the exclamation mark at the end of the first stanza; it seems to cheapen it somehow in my opinion. As far as format goes, you might consider putting the lines "Don't you just love" and "Well would you care to" in italics, just to offset them a little more. Overall though, I think it's fantastic. Kudos on a lovely piece.

Cheers,
~bubbles





Oh, Brightlord Tumul! How unexpected it is to see you standing there! I didn't mean to insult your stupidity. Really, it's quite spectacular and worthy of much praise.
— Wit (Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings)