The One who Can't Love Me

Hey there! AnimeGirl here to give this work a review! So lets jump on the back of a magical fox and get started.

Starting off I wanted to say that this is all based on my opinion, if you think it's fine and doesn't need to be changed then don't change it.

Ok, so there are a few things I wanted to touch on. It was good but to me it ran on and got confusing to me, though I'm not the smartest so maybe that's it. You lost me when you said,

"Listening ears, but yours are torn off"

I was like 'Yeah man, wait, what?' When I was reading this. Theirs were torn off? Do you mean they don't listen? I don't know maybe its just me being me. But I also wanted to talk about how it is set up, personally I like when poems are set up into stanzas it's easier to follow and understand to me when they are longerish. Yeah that's a word now. But that's just me, and I liked the way this one was set up too. But over all it was a good poem just difficult for me to follow with the way it was worded. I can still feel how the person must have felt, and you still got the main point across so all in all it is fine the way it is.

Again this is only my opinion and you don't need to take anything from this. Thank you for sharing this with YWS!

Keep writing!
-AnimeGirl

I can't say I have ever experienced this sort of situation, but I've seen it happen with other people and movies. Not sure if that counts, but whatever. Your way of describing the pain of loving someone for them not to love you in return is good. Some of your lines are a little too long. Now if you had all of your lines as long as "I've lost so many tears on my pillow, yet I still have thousands more to cry" or "My mind tells me to leave, but you're holding me here", then it would have been better. Not trying to be rude. Your poem really is great. Just make those lines smaller or split them into two where you have the commas to make four lines.
Don't get down about this review. I'm just trying to help.

-Fellow Writer 1998

I like your poem.it shows the great pain u had when u were departing from ur love.the tears are torned off for you because rthey dont listen uuthey ve become deaf for you.but you should notlisten to mia and write it.never take painlove whichh iis supported by luck is sucessful
.

Hey there. Dogs here for a review, and the first thing I have to say is that I really love your poem. So anyway. I really thought your poem had a lot of meaning...

No on to the nitpicks... Don't take this personally please.

1. So the line [quote I've lost so many tears upon my pillow, yet I still have thousands more to cry. /quote]

I noticed this line was a little longer than the others. So what I recommend you do for next time will be shown below...
Here is how this line should be done...

"...I've lost so many tears upon my pillow,
Yet I still have thousands more to cry.
Lost hope, yet still trying..."

That is just what I would do, because therefore I have had this problem many, many times!'

Well that's about it... I really enjoyed your poem...

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs <3

Hello, Enflicted.

This poem is very well written. I love the line, "My mind tells me to leave, but you're holding me here". It really conveys the whole theme of the poem, and its well worded. I believe that you are a great poet! The only thing I would change is the I in, "still I fight for what i can't have". The I is supposed to be capitalized! Other than that minor mistake, you did a great job. Keep up the good work!

-Makenna900

Hello, Enflicted!

This is Eros here to review your work!!

I read your poem, " The One who Can't Love Me" . It was emotional one. I liked the way you have expressed the feelings through a very short poem. It describes the pain of not getting love back. You love someone who doesn't loves you back.
It has a realistic touch, though it is dramatic.
This poem expresses a really burning pain in heart when you don't get your love back. It is like " Burned Aashiqui". "Aashiqui" means lover. The poem really expresses this emotion in a very beautiful way. The choice of words, the suitable sentences, everything's just so beautiful!!

The most beautiful part was:
" Listening ears, but yours are torn off"
It conveys a meaning that my ears are eager to listen your voice or your words which would make me so happy. But you don't want to hear anything of such kind from me. You have expressed the feelings of a person who is a victim of one sided love.
You have a great skill of writing. I am impressed by your work. You are doing great! Keep writing... for we all love to read them...

Hi Enflicted! This is a very dramatic poem. I loved the choice of words you used, like "hated", "torn", and "gone". They definitely pack a punch to the meaning and tone of your piece.

I only question what you meant by "Listening ears, but yours are torn off." I'm not understanding what you meant by this. It sounds like you're saying how the person you're writing about isn't listening anymore. But that's just the way I see it. I only recommend changing the wording a little bit. Maybe to something like, "You say that you hear me, but are you really listening?"

I especially liked the 4th stanza, when you wrote how you've cried "so many tears". It shows how you're deeply distraught about this person, and even though you think you've cried so much right now, you know that you'll cry even more. This definitely gives a sense of sorrow to the poem, as well as a feeling of despondency yet to come.

When you started the poem, it was off to a great start. At the 5th and 6th stanzas, when you said "Lost hope, yet still trying. You haven't even tried," that played with my heartstrings. I felt empathy for you. This definitely backed up your poem.

The last line really grabbed me by the heart. This line shows just how much frustration and sadness this person has given you. Almost as if this person is emotionally blind and has no regard for your feelings to them.

Over all, a great poem. I'm very impressed! Keep writing!

-Payds