Cold Killer Chapter #1

Cold Killer

Cold…cold is when you wake up with no blanket on in the middle of winter, cold is stepping outside a hot shower and feeling the air hit you, and cold is a killer’s hand as he makes the first cut, the first shot, or the first hit. I like many no longer feel cold or warmth; the pills they shove down my throat are meant to do that though. I’m afraid every second of my life here white walls white floors but for some reason it feels dark… I know I will never leave and they assured me so by putting me behind a heavy door, with bullet proof glass, and a lock.

My name is Jeremy Conner my friends call me Jerry, or at least they used to. I am 29 years old, my birthday is February 23, and I’m in an asylum. I take about twenty five pills per day, and am required by my therapist to write this all down. It took me 3 years to listen to him I fight everything… I used to be in love…wait no I can’t start there. I was 21 years old in Alabama I was at my peak in life. I had a wife already we got married a year before… the day she turned 18. She was as pretty as ever the day we pulled up to the gas station looking for a pregnancy test, for she was puking like a dog. I tried saying we should wait to see if it would pass but, she said that she was sure it wasn’t food poisoning. To be honest I was just afraid that I’d be a bad a father. It did turn out to be true, so 9 months later I was a father of a wonderful baby girl named Samantha she had her mother’s blond hair. I loved them so much, but it didn’t last long.

One day after a hard day at work I stopped at a bar I knew she hated it when I drank, but it’s my choice; man I was stupid. After that it became blurry, and I could only recall moments like driving up into my driveway with a gun. And then having blood on my hands. I woke up in a lake, my car slowly sinking under the water. I said a few choice words then, and got out to watch my pick up slowly sink into the water.

I called my friend Paul after that for a ride; the Mrs. was going to be pissed. I was soaked when Paul pulled up dripping wet with lake water and smelling of sewage. “Hey Paul,” I said my ounce sweet grin now a mischievous one. “What happened,” Paul looked wide eyed but I could tell he knew I’d been drinking the night before, “well I’ll tell you Paul there’s nothing like a swim to get rid of a hangover.” He just smiled, tilted his hat, and patted his beer belly that was covered with a tank top and overalls. We jumped in his blue rusted pick up and he drove me home. Our conversation was mainly how we could get me out of a punishment. That Man I swear should have been a lawyer instead of a farmer. He walked me to the door and I knocked, for I had lost my house key along with my truck. When no one answered I became worried I started to pound on the door; maybe she was in the basement, but nothing came in response no yelling no opening of the door just silence. We waited for what seemed like half an hour then headed around back. The bay window was open… and that was our way in. We had Ted Mucker get his ladder and Paul and I climbed inside. The shutters were closed and no lights were on so I reached for the nearest light switch, but it was when Paul made it to the floor that we both realized the reason it was still dark was because the light bulb was broken, “ well dammit,” I couldn’t help myself it was the second thing to be broken that day. We found the latch to the shutters and I heard Paul slide behind me, “something must have spelt,” I was thinking. Then light was shone through, and we could see what didn’t want to be seen.

Blood all over the ground and the smell of dead cows. A steer lay cut open on the floor. It took us forever to find a note on the door.

The tears on my face were cold…not warm as they should have been. I couldn’t believe my eyes, or my actions as I tore the sheet to pieces. Paul stepped slowly back, as if in realization that I was a monster that I held a sheet over his eyes and now he was seeing something out of a nightmare. I couldn’t stand the thoughts running through my already confused head. How could I have done this? How could she have not told me? It all was a lie I told myself all just a dream, a cartoon that I fell asleep watching, or maybe I was going insane. Either way they all seem to think so.

Next thing I knew I was in a jail cell watching the swinging keys of the officer that put me there. I had been covered in blood again this time not the smell of animal but human. My clothes the same as when I was at home, but my jeans were tore and I could tell I'd been through a struggle. I was confused, dazed, and a little bit woozy. The cold tile floor under me was as hard as ever and I knew i was behind the bars in front of me. “where am i?” I said stupidly I knew I was in the jail, “well son you’re in one hell of a situation.” The man said this with a sick sort of chuckle even though he smiled his eyes looked worried. “Anyway the trucks will be up here in the morning,” the man looked calmer now almost satisfied.

“What?”

“Son you killed Paul Adman, darndest thing to I heard you two were friends. Anyway the Mental Institution trucks is on their way.” I stood in shock as he said the words mental institution.

“Why am I going there this doesn’t make sense,” I said rubbing my temples and then with a moment or anger my fist hitting the bench in the cell.

“ You my friend are Bipolar, and the real interesting part is how they figured out you Bipolar Blackouts. Man it took forever to get my hands on your file.” He then chuckled as if actually happy with himself.

“What was in my file?” My eyes were now kept to the floor because I was very uncomfortable. the man just seemed to calm, or maybe it was the fact that I felt guilty for something I couldn’t remember.

“Oh a list of things mainly a list of doctors your mother went to, and then there’s the animal killings if they weren’t your animals you would already be locked up,” He walked to the bars when he said this then spit on my shoe. If I weren’t exhausted i would have gotten up and said something. He made his way back to his desk and we waited in silence. The giant van equipped with medical and restraint supplies pulled up about a minute later. I was allowed by one of the officers there to make a call first I tried my wife….nothing I quickly dialled my lawyer.

“Mike?”

“I already heard Jeremy; I can’t believe you.”

“What are my legal options Mike?”

“Nothing! They found you with the body for one, and two Jerry your fingerprints were everywhere. Your background doesn’t even give you a fair chance and to be honest they have the right to take you into custody.”

“But I should have the right to a fair trial!” Tears fight there way to my eyes but I can’t cry now. I can’t chance that my voice of getting shaky and weak. He just kept saying the government have power over me now, and if I even got a trial it would end very badly. I couldn’t stand it, so I hung up before he could give a lawyer of a sorry. They didn’t speak to me besides saying, ‘’Watch your step,” as I stepped up into the vehicle.They strapped me into a bench and an officer was sat across from me; I couldn’t dare look him in the eye though, so I hung my head as if it was to heavy for my neck. I can’t remember the ride there, but I know it was long. It didn’t take long for me to settle into my room, for I had nothing to put there. So now I'm here and now I'm always so very cold.