Hi!
I've hadn't read the previous chapters for this novel, so feel free to ignore any incorrect predictions. Your title caught my attention, and seems to have that "mystery" feeling to it. Your beginning for this novel seems a little cliche, meaning it is used from time to time again. It makes the beginning feel weaker than it should be, and can possibly confuse the reader. I suggest try adding a new beginning, or do a different POV.
A brand new chapter in my life that has nothing to do with the rest, although it might leave the reader confused it sure would be great.
From what I know, never try make the narrator realize that there is a reader reading their story. It just drags away from the part of being entertaining, and it doesn't make sense all that much. However, if you try switching the POV- like to third or second (second deals with the yous/yours/your). In this situation, I can see it happening both ways. This whole chapter seems to be about the narrator trying to talk to the reader, which in opinion, doesn't suit a novel well. It is up to you, no less.
In a way, the action with the doctor attacking the narrator, and seems a little confusing. If you try re-reading it over, I'm sure you can think of a way to make do with fixing it.
Some Links~
Bypass Cliche
Goods/Bads Of First and Third Person
improve your plot and climax
Overall, this was a nice chapter. If you ever think about continuing this, do let me know. I like to see where this might go. I can sense it'll be good in the long run.
If you like me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Points: 25891
Reviews: 279
Donate