Lady Emerald waits in the green park after dark.
She wants something from you, and continues.
Oppressing her feelings, in favour of bleeding.
Would rather turn it off, than pretend to be tough.
And it hurts, it just makes her feel worse.
Until she slips out, she no longer doubts.
That she’s alive and without being contrived.
Lady Emerald wants a kiss, it’s bliss.
She needs something from you, and continues.
Releasing her feelings, no fear of bleeding.
Would rather let it rush, than pretend to be tough.
And hurts, and she mutters a curse.
Until she slips out, she no longer doubts.
That she’s a live and without being contrived.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hola! 567ajt has arrived, and in front of his eyes is a poem. A poem about a lady in reflection. I imagine this is symbolic of your character's rebirth, with references to your username. I am very excited to see the progression of this character of yours.
This lady is putting on a front. To her visitors, she is an aggressive person, but really it masks her inner fragility ("pretend to be tough"). Your rhyming scheme is repetitious but in a good way, because I really like it. I am also a fan of the first line, "Lady Emerald waits in the green park", and it is really symbolic and- above all- very clever.
All the lady wants is love. Simple. For whatever reason, which isn't explored, she is being rejected by other people. She wants a kiss, which is "bliss", thus she is of the opinion that she needs and craves affection. She is in so much pain, which again isn't really explored, but I don't mind this. A bit of ambiguity never hurts.
Ahhh repetition of past stanzas. I like it. I also like how she'd rather have the blood rush and cease, as opposed to toughing it out and bleeding to death. This character is very complex
Ohhhhhhhhhh. I think I get the meaning now.
For a brief period of time, Lady Emerald gets into a depressive state of mind. She gets to the point where it reaches a crescendo, and then her depressive mood slowly dies down. She is no longer doubting, and is willing to live her life out of her own free will, not because she is obliged to. This is a very positive end to quite a dark poem.
I noticed this repeats earlier on, perhaps to symbolise an on-off switch, which could be symbolic of bipolar disorder. Perhaps I'm overthinking it. Who knows? XD
Good poem!
me;
Awww
Very good. it was powerful! It kept me interested! I really liked the title of the Poem. Very Very clever!(: what made you write this? personal experience? An idea? A dream? what? I am truley happy I read. Keep up the good work!!
Personal experience and a little bit of imagination. With a hint of train journey boredom.
Hello! The Missing Piece here for a review! I absolutely loves this! It is very beautiful and unique! I didn't notice and grammar mistakes, so that's very good! Just, wow, this is great! My favorite part was
"I laugh and cry;
I laugh and… die."
The was great! It really shows feeling and emotion! Great job and keep writing!
~The Missing Piece
Thank you.
Hello, rhia here for a review, try to clear out this green room so I can post without using 500 points!
Well, this is a very relatable poem. Content wise, it's interesting, easy to understand, relatively unique. I just think you could do a bit more with it as far as the actual writing goes.
I think it would be better even just without the repetition. I don't know, it just isn't working. It doesn't seem to accomplish much with the exact same line repeated twice. Now, with the last two, that works perfectly. Perhaps if you could find a way to tweak each repeated sentence like you did with the last. I think that one would make it brilliant.
I really like this poem, no joke. I can really relate to this poem and the message that it sends out about a teen's inner struggle. The only sort of criticism that I have for you is this: I think that you should make the repeating lines a little different just as you did with the last set of lines. Also, stick to one tense. You bounced back and forth.
Keep on writing! Good job!
OK. Thank you for the advice. I will keep it in mind.