Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
Killer black widow
Lady at the window
She’s out to get you
Talons primed
Eyes are lined
With kohl
-
The sweetest of black poisons
Clutch til you can’t stand
The sweetest of black poisons
She’s got you by the hand
-
She’s got height
She’ll take flight
Under the covers
The lady wants you
She fucks up men
Just sins again
-
The sweetest of black poisons
Clutch til you can’t stand
The sweetest of black poisons
She’s got you by the hand
-
Hold on baby, yes, yes
Sweet lady velveteen
Vermillion lipped
Angelic hips
Calls upon arraign
Just sin again
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140,739 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
Hello, hello, hello!!
I really liked this part because it flowed well and it was nice descriptive language!This piece was really great. I liked the meaning behind it. You are a fantastic writer! I don't really have any advise on how to improve it except: For formatting if you want a new stanza without putting a - just put <*br> at the end of the line above it, just without the *. I do believe that will help. My favorite part was:
Keep writing,
tkpejb
Thank you so much for the formatting advice, I hadn't been able to work out how to do it when it doesn't work.
And I'm really glad you liked this piece.
You're welcome!
Ahoy! 567ajt here, and I have decided to review this wonderful work of yours'. First of all, welcome back to YWS
I am really liking the modification of your character and I know that any revisions/improvements will be amazing.
The work itself depicts a very mysterious lady, one presumes of a negative nature, doing mysterious things. I like the ambiguity and imagination behind this piece, but I will pick out my favourite stanzas.
At the beginning of the poem, it is assumed that this woman by the window is waiting for someone, or something. It is most likely "you", i.e. she has a personal vendetta. Then again it may not be personal, but an extension of the thrill of killing that this "killer black widow" gets. I do not know what "kohl" is, but I imagine it is something mysterious and symbolic of this "black widow"'s thirst for blood.
This is a line which you have repeated again later on, so I will count this as your chorus. It's a really good one too, and drives your point home about how the "black widow" is the "sweetest of black poisons". The addition of "black" really does invoke a certainty in death and terror. I like the ironic use of "by the hand". That, to me, is always associated with guidance and parenting. However, in this context, the "black widow" is dragging them in with a false sense of security.
The use of "fuck" is very bold and adds to the potential anger of the narrator, as an attempt to degrade the "black widow".
Overall, this is a really really good piece of work! My favourites from the selection you posted yesterday (which I will review later).
Keep it up, EmeraldEyes. Glad to see you back.
Glad to be back.
Thank you for the review.
Hello there EmeraldEyes,
Anyway, I just wanted to take a quick peek at this and make some comments for you.
Magenta here as promised! I see that you've written a lyrical and dramatic poem, but you've lost some reviews sure to the content. That's alright, I am here!
I must say that you did really well with this, despite the subject and what is going on in the poem. There isn't much to review here because are a good writer and also because it is short and it is poetry. Poetry is much harder to review because you don't need to pay much attention to the grammar. Anyway, I just wanted to say that you do well with imagery and I like the way you were able to make this a darker poem. I like the repetition with some of the lines in here. As for "angelic hips", well, I wasn't sure if that's the word that you wanted to use for this section. What exactly did you mean here? Another thing that I wanted to ask was whether "kohl" should be or should not be capitalized. I thought it was capitalized, but I guess it could go either way. And lastly, I think that in the second stanza, it should be "clutch 'til you can't stand".
Other than that, great job with this and keep on writing. If you need any other reviews, you can just ask me! See you later.
~ Magenta
Thank you.
Ok, I will keep your reviewing offer in mind.
Thank you.
Ok, I will keep your reviewing offer in mind.
Hey Tiny here!
First off thanks for tagging me to review this marvelous piece! But sadly I don't have any advice for you. This was a wonderful poem with good imagery along with good grammar and spelling.
Thank you for submitting this beautiful poem into the world.
Keep writing
Thank you.
So....
you either haven't posted anything in a long time or ever. That I have read.
I give thee a reverse welcome. LOL.
Right, you told me to review, so I am reviewing. XD
This work has got it all really, spiders, sex, the lot.
'Killer black widow
Lady at the window
She’s out to get you
Talons primed'
Good use of imagery I must commend you for that. It's also quite entertaining, because you don't seem to be taking it too seriously. Or the satire element might just be a figment of my imagination????
'Hold on baby, yes, yes
Sweet lady velveteen
Vermillion lipped
Angelic hips
Calls upon arraign
Just sin again'
Stanza structure is good. Very consistent.
I like the idea of the temptress, the seducer being used here.
Ok, so I can see why this got a language warning.
Lulz.
I guess everyone can be expressive in their own way and I do approve of such language in the right situations.
'ere dey go again - here they go again, right.
callin me dem names I h8 - This is actually about bullying. Quite deep. Unexpected.
wanna see if da - you have employed the use of enjambment which was clever
colloquialisms can make it dit threw - and you have referred to a proper English term.
I am quite surprised that I actually enjoyed this work, in its own little way.
Well done.
dunno dunno
I wanna break free
my eyeballs are hurtin
from da tears
crush me now
Strange here, just to start off as how much I loved this. I find it just hilarious. First off, the title. It's easy to see what the title is implying. I got it straight off the bat, and that's what hooked me.
The way you wrote it like Petking or what ever his name is was well done. Talking about those c word things (Sorry, I forgot how to spell it) was good. I really had no problem with it.
People who are getting their panties in a bunch needs to untuck them.
Strange gives you...
8.9/10
Good job
Keep writing
I freakin love this. It's about as unconventional as you can get, and yet it still works. Please write more of this style!!
This is a good effort. I find it highly confessional and well structured. You have replaced the cherry on top with the Spanish Armada. I relate to this struggle; it reminds me of when I was with my cousin in the park. Also, I admire you speaking out about issues relevant in today's society. I like how your "eyeballs are hurtin". It's very poetic and I like it. Keep up the good work.