Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
*note: I wrote this for the YWS 2024 olympics dialogue contest! The prompt was "the kitchen smells like murder" This story mentions cannibalism and is a horror story.*
“Just like that sweetie, lovely job!”
“Thanks, mum.”
“Push the dough flat with your hands first. That will get rid of any big air bubbles. Then, we take the rolling pin and make it very thin. That makes it flaky.”
“Like this?”
“Exactly. That is perfect… absolutely perfect.”
“Maybe one day I can take over the business, mommy!”
“Jason Finch… the best pie maker in the entire world! I can already see it, my love. You are going to shine.”
“I am going to shine!!”
“You are going to help so many people… all of these unfortunate souls, too lost to help themselves.”
“What do you mean, mommy?”
“Someday you will understand, Jason. But not yet. Mommy loves you, okay?”
“Mom.. mom what are you-”
-
“Today marks the 27th day of the nationwide manhunt for Josephine Finch. The woman accused of serial killing over 75 victims who have gone missing in California, Arizona, Utah, and Idaho, dating back 25 years. She is believed to have been making human meat pies to dispose of the bodies, selling them to thousands of people in the Finch Family Pie Shop, since 1999. Her most recent victim, her own son, seven year old Jason Finch.
-
“This is Natasha Steel reporting live, we have an update to the Josephine Finch manhunt taking place all over the United States. I am currently standing in front of the Finch Family Pie Shop, with Detective Brett Johnson. Detective Johnson, tell us what we are seeing here.”
“Thanks Natasha. From examining the pie shop, as well as the adjacent family home, we have made some chilling discoveries. It is believed that Jason Finch may still be alive. Only parts of his body have been identified in pies, so we believe that he may have escaped. We have also found bins full of human teeth and hair, leading us to believe that this case is much bigger than we previously thought. We are looking at thousands of victims here. We are searching the house thoroughly and… well, the kitchen smells like murder. The whereabouts of Josephine is still completely unknown. Some are claiming that she must have fled the country, but we cannot be sure until we find her. If anyone sees Jason, or Josephine, call the police immediately and do not engage.”
-
“Hmmmmm, hmmmmmm, hmmmmm, hmmmm. One chop, two chops, three chops, and four. Yes, rest, don’t fight me anymore. Hmmmmm.”
“Mother.”
“Hmmmmmm, hmmmmm, hmmmmm, hmmmmmm. Jason, is that you?”
“It is.”
“Come over here, my dear. Help mommy make the pies.”
“Okay.”
“Good job, look how good you have gotten at this.”
“I push the dough flat to get rid of air bubbles. People need air to survive. I use the bloody rolling pin to flatten it, that makes more room for the meat. It is flaky and delicate, but delicious.”
“Look how you have grown, Jason, my love. Even with one arm, you can do it perfectly.”
“And even without your leg, so can you too, mum, help all their unfortunate souls. I finally understand. ”
“I love you sweetie.”
“I love you too, mommy.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the shocking S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Josephine Finch is teaching her son, Jason Finch, how to make pies. But as it turns out, the pies are used to hide the flesh of her victims. She even put her son’s arm into the pies, and her own leg! (Or did Jason do that when he was older? Hmm…)
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Nothing, this is fine!
Chocolate Bar - I love how at first it seems like regular instructions for making pie, but then we get towards the end and…and as it turns out, they’re both murderers! Even after what his Mom did to him, Jason still trusts her, for she is possibly the only person in his life with whom he has a relationship with.
Closing Graham Cracker - A short yet spooky story, I enjoyed reading this! It leads me to wonder just how Josephine kept away from the public eye, and if she has any more victims than the public knows of…
I wish you a fabulous day/night! ^v^
Hello, Ellie!
What a chilling story! I love watching the progression of Jason from an innocent child to a murder accomplice. It adds a layer of horror to watch a child become corrupted, even after being attacked by his own mother. And the fact that Josephine is also missing a leg suggests that this family recipe could have been around even longer and she was a victim of this brain-washing, which is just incredibly sad to think about. I love your use of dialogue to imply what the characters are doing by sprinkling in instructions on how to prepare the dough. It adds a sense of movement to the scene so we don't suffer from "floating head syndrome." In your first reporter scene, you forgot your closing quotation, but other than that the interruptions from the news add this sense of urgency and dread.
Overall, it's a very strong piece and I wish you the best of luck in the Olympics! I'm glad you're on my team XDD Thanks for publishing and participating, I enjoyed reading.
Happy Writing!
Wist