Four Walls

Yo, Elina. I'm Lumi. Let's jam.

So the basic hum drum of this poem is infinitely easy to grasp: a man hurts the narrator emotionally; she's broken but not defeated; she bucks against the expectation of misery, loss, and defeat; and she moves on. It's been done time and time again, but that's hardly a talking point here--i.e. you should know if your poem is cliche or fresh.

What is a talking point for me is the final line, as I think it's simply bad emotional advice. See, this is the core line of the poem, and it's instructing a reader who may be in the same emotional place to stand up and immediately try to find their identity in another person, giving themselves up to vulnerability without establishing first who they are and how strong they can be on their own. Do you see my point? It's one thing if the poem were geared towards the frailty of relationships or the inevitability of breaking up, but that's not the case; you lay out all these lines of emotional turmoil, and the final sentiment is "To end this, find someone else."

So I disagree with the poem.

As a final note, figure out what you want to accomplish with your capitalization and punctuation because as it stands, you're neither correct nor consistent in neither punctuation nor capitalization. I suggest searching the Knowledge Base for tips on this skill; they have bits of everything.

Hope this helps.
Lumi

Hi! I am Corralynn, and I will be one of your reviewers today! Yay! How I do this is I go through the poem on the review, to give me first impressions and I'll put little notes in brackets (). I hope this can help!

You left me here alone,

In these four walls,

(Hoping) for me to cry, (should be hoping (hope), otherwise I don't know how he would hopping (hop) that you cry.

To call out your name.

I've been broken before,

Left alone in the dark,

Brought to my knees

By men of your kind. (I like the description, really give me an image and my hearts kinda tensing up know with sympathy.)

But never (have I) cried (It doesn't sound right with I've)

And never will I cry,

For someone like you,

I'll just put on a smile

And find someone els. (else)

I really liked the overall image that grew in my mind, but I would like to see this adapted more. I want the story to be prolonged, because I find it goes a little fast to really understand the whole story that's going on.

Overall I really did enjoy it, its something that's easy to relate to and could be something people read that can help them move on and find a better place after a break up!

All my Love,
WelcomingException

That is powerful stuff.