Crash Landing

Hey, there! The setup and format of this poem is so creative. Honestly, that's the best part of the whole thing. It's unconventional, so it draws interest. Good work.

Your imagery is good, as well. The central part of the poem shows that your language is figurative and not literal. One thing I personally would like to see different is maybe more of a hint at what specifically the narration is about. Although you wouldn't have to express it exactly, maybe some stronger indications about how the narrator feels he let this person down, and who the person is to whom he's directing his narrative. On the other hand, though, leaving out the specifics, as you have done, also provides more room for the reader's imagination. So nothing really needs to change, that's just some personal insight.

Keep up the good work!

hi ethanhoover i like your poem and the style

'Ello EthanHoover! For a newcomer to styling visual poems, you did a splendid job!

The only thing to really point out is that I have little clue how to read this. Middle, top left, top right, bottom left, bottom right, bottom? Or would it be any other way? But, of course, that is not your fault and it is actually a common complaint about poems styled similarly to this one. Although, when this happens, it can get difficult to understand what the purpose of the poem is because it gets mixed with things it shouldn't get paired with.

I wouldn't worry much about that though, as the simplicity of the layout helps smooth out all of those wrinkles, and it mostly falls into shape correctly. The purpose is centered and balanced, so it works with the simple design choice. A suggestion would be to stay with simple designs until you feel you are the best at visual poems because I have horror stories that come from trying, but this isn't needed; it is just a friendly tip from one poet to another.

This is also a suggestion that you can overlook if you want, but the whole middle section is a long flowy sentence. I can see where the breaks would go, and that helps your poem get a strong feeling of haziness, but since they are so clear in the writing, maybe putting the periods there or revising it to not look so choppy would correct that.

Overall, this is an excellent visual poem that is easy to read through and has a sleek design that is refreshingly different from some others I have read before -

Good job!

Axiom

Hello, EthanHoover!

This is a gorgeous poem. I absolutely love this. The imagery, the stylistic choices, the language; it’s beautiful.

The poem is very clever. It’s structured so well. When I first read this, I immediately thought there was a literal crash, and the description on the “wings” furthered my suspicions. Then, I read it again, and it read more like a metaphor, as the narrator says in the body of the “plane.”

It’s so cool you chose to write the imagery on the “wings.” When I picture a plane crashing, the wings on fire and smoking always come to mind. I simply can’t gush enough about the imagery. The description is beautiful. The ending or the “tail” of the poem blew my mind.

“I can’t help but see all the ways...” and then the narrator lists the three ways.

Stunning,
Athena

This is beautiful. I literally gasped when I read it. Just... amazing. I'm in love.

Alrighty then! This is a good one! Hiya, I'm penn.

And, again, I have to say, this is a well structured piece that highlights the worst parts of what someone could be feeling after something like disappointment, or worse, in grieving. The imagery brings some spectacularly gruesome visuals to mind, especially since we've seen enough car crashes in movies and TV to realize that whatever happen is haunting the speaker.

The pleas, as well as the rather unorthodox yet fun stylistic pattern of which you wrote this in, and the final words bring all of what I just said together into a fine passage that reminds me of survivor's guilt, and how it can be far too easy to travel down the rabbit hole of "what if's".

All in all, you get a thumbs up!

I love this <3

<3