When the night is full of howling coyots, croaking frogs, crickets and friendly owls. I often slip out to see the proud stars, shinning off their twinkling midnight lights. The luminous moon beams play graciously with the the starlight. The dew drops sparkle on the autuom leave and crisp green grass.
I sneak out, nightgown, slippers and all to dance along side the fireflies. To whisper with deer. To race with the colorless wind, and to talk with stars, whom watch over my secret adventures during the dead of night. I tell the quiet stars my dreams, silly fantasies and all problems that trouble me. Silently I know they listen, patiently I wait a response.
If you listen close shutting you're eyes tightly with a bit of faith, patience and of course luck. You just might here the stars sweet voices speak back. Some say stars are only to burn with splendor and beauty. Others say it is them that hold the key to all unanswered questions, and yet some think stars sing stories from the past.
Whether or not the stars sing, burn proudly, or hold mystery it is not for me to say. Nor do I wish to find out, but when the night is full of lovely noise, I slip out nightgown and all to dance with the fireflies and talk with the stars.
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,020 Reviews
I was really surprised to see how short this was! I mean, it's perfect the way it is, but still surprisingly short. I really liked your description and everything and I could envision everything perfectly. There's no way you could possibly make this any better than it already is (but you did forget the space after your last comma). I agree with Lavenderfields that this is very poetic. I'm debating on whether or not this would be better as a poem...... But it's perfectly fine as a short story. Maybe even better that was.
In your case, less was more and you've conjured up a charming tale.
Keep it up!
~Holographic Ladybug
Very poetic and idyllic piece, made me remember hot summer days and the smell of hay in the air. I wish your text was longer, really enjoyed reading it.
"crickets and friendly owls. I often slip" - I think there should be a comma.
Very poetic and idyllic piece, made me remember hot summer days and the smell of hay in the air. I wish your text was longer, really enjoyed reading it.
"crickets and friendly owls. I often slip" - I think there should be a comma.
Heya Edel!
Eros here to review your work!!
I read this short story and I found this really sweet and interesting. I liked the way you have described the nature's beauty and the backgrounds. The various adjectives you used for the grass, the night, the wind etc., was all the very best. This story is about how you go out in the night and play with the fireflies and tell the dreams and share the problems with the sweet, little stars. You took us to the journey of your fantasy world. I really appreciate the beauty of this story. You write really well.
Keep writing...
For we all love to keep reading them...!
Thanks Eors, I'm so happy you like it!
Hi Edelweiss, Felistia here with a short review on your short story.
Firstly I love the descriptions in here, they are so gracefully told that they sweep you off your feet and carry you to another world. I really like how you described the stars, how they burn brightly or tell stories. That was great.
I have only a few nit-picks. In the first paragraph you used the word light way too much. Be rewording some of your sentences you could use more interesting words like glowed. For instance ( The luminous moon beams play graciously with the starlight, lighting up the dew drops on the autumn leaves and crisp, green grass.) You could write it like this ( The luminous moon beams play graciously with the starlight, gleaming off the dew drops on the autumn leaves and crisp, green grass.
One last thing you repeated the in that sentence.
Over all I really liked it and hope to see more of your work soon. Have a great day\night.
Thank you so much I'll go fix that up right now!