Heya! This is a very short introduction to the novel I might keep on working for fun. It is a very fantasy- like. I hope this will make any sense. xD
They call me "The Scarf man".
You can also say I'm the one who have tamed the fires of hell. The price was high; I've lost my master and my identity, but to cleanse world filled with demons, blood and pain, some would say that was no sacrifice at all. Now I must find a way for my master to walk the Earth's surface once again, and with all the artifacts he had left behind, it shouldn't be a hard task. Perhaps I'm even his strongest creation of all.
He was a living legend. He might have even been what mortals named "The God". I can't tell if he reached that state, but I can tell, looking at him was more painful than glancing over the sun. I have perhaps became the same, after being his student. Was I his student at all? I'm the only one who was able to confront him, if nothing else. Maybe I taught him just as much as he taught me.
I'm now left alone to protect this world from darkness lurking around. I have felt demon's whips on my very own skin many times in my life. There is no human being who hadn't. Yet when he came, the champion of light, the future legend, he contested the rulership of this world for the very first time.
Imagine hell bent by the fist of an individual. These fists are now passed down upon me, the man without a face. The Scarf Man.
I am now forced to leave two young men soon to bear the blood of the world in their hearts. The will of the master will one day be passed down to them, but now, I must protect the world.
I have to leave for the 10th meeting to determine who will sit on the throne for the next revolution around the sun. Shadow or Light. Demons or humanity. It all depends on me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...this is a pretty cool little prologue here, there isn't much here that I could find to be wonky, it all seems to be a pretty smooth and effective prologue here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well, the fact that this dude appears to serve some sort of master than needs to be raised from being gone for some reason kind of makes me not want to trust him at all, cause situations like this are usually to do with henchmen trying to raise up evil villains from the dead but then the way he speaks of cleansing the world of blood and pain that also makes me thing this guy is good...so uhh...some nice stuff there to start off with, it does manage to get your attention there right at the start.
Okay....well, that's definitely adding even more mystery to this piece here and I am loving it so far. There definitely appears to be quite some lore behind this one judging by all of the information being subtly conveyed at the moment. At any rate, this really has been a pretty exciting start here and I love how ambiguous things are at the moment.
Oh okay, champion of light kind of sounds like somebody that would be the hero, not to mention the talk of constant whipping by demons certainly seems to showcase that humanity has been in quite dire straits and has been that way quite a while until whoever this was showed up to try and change that..
Okay...not going to lie, as dramatic as that build up was, the declaration that this is all the work of the most mysterious and amazing Scarf Man kind of ruined, that name just doesn't sound very epic to me, I'm so sorry....but otherwise....well it looks like we have an pretty interesting protagonist here.
Okay...I have no idea what the part about the two young me could mean, but that's good to see in a prologue, a bit of very vague sounding information that will perhaps makes sense later, and of course that ending is really neat there cause it sounds like we have a situation the fate of humanity appears to rest in this one person's hands and it looks like it could be an exciting battle here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is looking like a pretty neat prologue here, and I think I will actually head over to all the other pieces as well to take a look at what's happening there...this seems like a pretty interesting concept too here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello, Alchemist! Wisegirl22 here for a nice review! This review was brought to you from Team Pen, from club Team Pen and Sword!
This, this should be a prologue for a future published book. Okay! To work! My first nitpick is this, a very little, minimal one: when you say that the price is high, and then you go to saying it is low, I'm kind of getting a little confused. I'm sorry if you're not deciding this as a very important nitpick, I did tell you it was minimal, but it would greatly help if you explained it to me.
"The price was high; I've lost my master and my identity, but for the world filled with demons, blood and pain, that was no sacrifice at all."
The second little nitpick is that this comma is unnecessary. In other words, extract this little punctuation from this work, defects are not acceptable in my world.
"Perhaps, I'm even the strongest of them all."
Not very many errors, I'd say, and I'm not surprised, either. You're great! But I have one question: why do they name a man, one who was a student of "The God", the Scarf Man? I just find that name foolish and petty. You might want something else for the title of a man who taught "The God". Just might.
-wisegirl22
Thanks for the review!
Hi!
Though this piece was short it gave a good general idea of the universe the story takes place in. The MC seems arrogant, full of himself, yet with a sense of duty and responsibility, and I think it would be interesting to see how he develops around other characters.
here are my nitpicks:
The Scarf Man doesn't seem to have made up his mind of what he wants to do. Does he want to save his master and return him to earth or protect the world?
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This seems like a negation. First he says the price was high, then that it was no sacrifice at all. If what you are trying to say is that it's a hard world to live in and misfortunes such as these occur quite often, I suggest you change the sentence a little, like saying that its common to lose so much in a world so dark.
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This describes what the Scarfed Man thinks and exposes well what he's like, but that comment seems misplaced. Before that the Scarf Man was saying what he wanted to do about the master, then he went on in the other paragraph describing the master. I suggest you place it after "after being his student."
And that's it!
It was fun reading this, and I hope to see more.
Keep writing!
Thanks for reading! The second line you pointed out, you are right, comment seems a bit misplaced, I didn't make clear what's he referring to. Nice catch! xD
You're welcome!
I'm glad this helped a little
Hello there!
Dreamy here for a review. This is going to be short.
I think this opening line had an huge impact with me. I wouldn't say it was good or bad, but this sure did made an impact, which made me go on with reading the prologue. Considering that this is a prologue, it did feel like you have dumped informations about your MC. Let me give an advice that you probably would've heard it million times. "Don't use prologues for info dumps, no matter their size." So, what to do, you ask? I'd suggest you to make it an scene, the MC talks about the 10th meeting. How about you make a scene on how the MC gets ready to the meeting and how is assistants/students prepare him? Or him having an heart to heart talk with someone who he knew him. Anything of that sort. Anything of a scene sort works well with the prologue. It creates an curiosity.
Your MC seems like an arrogant person. Is that what you wanted him to be? Because, I didn't find the force or the drive on his conclusions. And mind you, I'm not asking why he is saying so and so. But imagine someone saying "You must save the world" by saying this, you create another curiosity among the readers.
This was a good read though.
Keep writing!
Cheers~
Hey Dreamy! Thanks for reading. I kinda wanted this to look the way you got it, even the info-dump part and refusing to give a single description on what is going on and who is mc. Though, I didn't have a feeling it is much of an info dump, I will have to re-structure this then!