Chapter two: The cave (Flash fiction)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm, well, this was another intriguing chapter here, we have a bit more of a sense that there's a fightback happening and it certainly ended on a bit of a high note there, this should certainly be quite interesting going forward.

Anyway let's get right to it,

My muscular arms tremble by the look of Emperor Mordecai. His skin is purple, his veins pulsing on it's surface. He wears a long black cloak and clawed shoulderplates. He once again laughs in face to this year's challengers. For the first time in my life, I'm unable to destroy one laughing to my face.

Okay...ooh, we have ourselves a good description of the emperor here, that's a pretty cool one there...certainly seems like quite an intimidating figure there, one that would certainly give most fighters a few cold feet there, and it appears that's quite evident on the side of this person who's preparing to fight the emperor here.

I look the rest of us; "The Red Beret" Captain Jeff, one of earth's strongest fighters, though he could never beat me. Then there is "Black glasses". Seriously, this guy is creeping me out. I've never seen him take his shades down. That ain't good I say, a man who won't show his eyes. I don't even know his name, he is too famous by his nickname. An outlaw fighting for humanity. I spit on that.

Okayy...that sounds almost like a bit of animosity between the humans themselves unless I've somehow misunderstand a big part of this quite spectacularly and this is not the point of view of the human fighters here...at any rate, that does seem like quite an intimidating person here..well...let's see where this takes us here.

I deeply inhale the smoke, tip of the cigar turning red.

There are others, weaklings standing no chance against even the lowest ranked of demons. The slaves of technology. No tech can help you against these guys.

Okay....well, that's even more interesting opinions here, apparently super cool weapons and armor based on tech do no good when it comes to fighting humans, well its certainly going to make these fights more interesting if we get to see one of those...cause well, this appears to be quite a fight if advanced tech doesn't help out either.

Well this year I got something to blast them all. The disintegrator gun. I will blast them back to whatever dimension they came from. My name is Gorki Dimiel. This is my fourth participation. Four times defeted by the greenskin demon. This time, I will watch his face turning red when I choke him down.

Okay...well, that's a bit contradictory but I suppose this one does threaten to choken the demon and not disintegrate him...but hmm, well it appears my idea of the protagonist was at least not wrong so that's a relief, this definitely doesn't seem like a very unified group of humans at any rate which might just be one of the reasons why humans don't win here...oh well, let's see.

All of a sudden, the walls of the cave start to crumble. The crowd gathered to watch us fight to death gasps. Women scream. Is this a god damn movie?

The flash of light blasts from a ceiling. He is here to save us.

The Scarf Man is real.

Well, love that tiny bit of metaness there at the end there...with the movie but well it certainly is a bit of a dramatic entrance with light blasting from the ceiling but ahh...even now I just have to say, Scarf Man just doesn't ring of epicness to me here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was a pretty neat little piece again here, I'm really starting to like these little stories here, they have a couple of flaws here and there but on the whole the overall premise here is pretty cool.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hello ..
Kanome here with a review for you.

This second chapter was good, but it still needs a little more work.
I see that you transitioned from one character to the next, which is interesting to me.
I believe you have good potential from this story, and I hope you would be able to achieve your goal.

Onto nitpicks ..

My arms tremble by the look of Emperor Mordecai. His skin is purple, his veins pulsing on its surface. He wears a long, black cloak and clawed shoulder plates. He once again laughs to this year's challengers.

I took the liberty to correct some of the mistakes in this part. You should always capitalize royalty names, like King James or Queen Elizabeth. Plus, you used the word it's in the wrong context. It's suppose to be its, as you are using a possession.
- This paragraph needs to be more descriptive. It lacks imagery, plus, when are describing someone's personal belongings, or something in that matter, it should be describe in a way that the reader can visualize what it is.

I look at the rest of us; "The red beret" Captain Jeff, one of Earth's strongest fighters. Then there is "Black glasses". Seriously, this guy is creeping me out. I've never seen him took his shades down.

- You always have to capitalize the word Earth, because it is a planet. I spaced the "Black Glasses", and the last sentence was a sentence fragment, so I fixed it for you.

All of a sudden, the walls of the cave start to crumble. The crowd gathered to watch us fight to death gasps. Women scream.

- This sentence needs to be revised, because none of it does not make sense.

Lastly, this Scarf Man.
What is he like?
What is his role in the story?
What is his history?

Other than that, this is an interesting story so far.
I can't wait to read the next chapter. Good luck on your writing c:

- Courtesy of Kanome -