So we are on chapter 6. Yes!!! Thanks to the people who have read and reviewed my past chapters! You guys are the bomb-diggitty.
Chapter 6.
One moment I was on my knees and the next I was on my feet, standing over the fallen dragon. Even with the gun smoking in my hand and my ears ringing from the sound of the shot, I was unable to comprehend what I had just done. For a long time I just stood there not really seeing anything, then slowly I dragged my gaze to the body laying at my feet. I was unable to bring myself to look at his face so I started with his boots.
Combat and black, I guessed they were around size 11. There was a scuff on the toe of the right boot and for some reason that puzzled me. It seemed out of place, too real for this crazy nightmare my life had become. The foot suddenly twitched and I nearly jumped out of my skin, jerking my eyes to the body’s head.
At first glance I thought I had blown the front of it off with my shot before becoming aware of the lack of blood. Instead it was black. Not black, like African American, but black black, like ink. It took me a moment before I realized that the black were scales. The dragon’s human features were still there, though they looked distorted and alien, but his skin, at least on his face, had gone back to its original state. I leaned in for a closer look and the dragon opened his eyes.
If I nearly jumped out of my skin when he twitched his foot, you can imagine how I reacted to the sight of him blinking. My brain pretty much froze and I stared. Something I had been doing a lot over the past 24 hours. I blinked stupidly as he pushed himself into a sitting position. A ripple wrinkled across his face and his flesh slowly faded back to skin instead of scales, his features aligning.
Tilting his head from side to side as though trying to work the kinks from his neck, the dragon shot me a sideways look his gold eyes twinkling wickedly. He grinned at me.
“A head shot, not bad. I thought you would go for a body shot…or miss. You‘ve used a gun before,” he ran his eyes over me, recalculating with this new bit of information. That snapped me out of gape mode back into ticked off pretty quick. My hand gripped the handle of the pistol tighter and I had the crazy desire beat him over the head with the gun since apparently he was immune to bullets. I resisted the urge and instead flipped the gun in my hand. Gripping the barrel I held it out to him.
“Your gun is crap,” I said.
He looked at me for a minute and threw back his head, laughing long and hard. After he finished he took it, still chuckling.
“It’s not the gun,” he said lifting the gun and firing a shot into the wall of building we were behind. Chunks of mortar and brick flew as the bullet punched a hole in it. “Bullets don’t work on me. They ricochet right off my scales.”
I frowned at his words. “Well that sucks for me,” I said, cringing as soon as the thoughtless words had past my lips. The dragon just laughed again.
“Don’t worry Chubs, there are other ways to kill me.”
“Yeah, and you’re going to tell me.” I marveled at how being so close to death brought out my sarcasm.
“Of course I am. Haven't you been listening to anything coming out of my mouth?” he said sounding annoyed. “I’m going to train you so that I can have a slight challenge.”
“So you are going to train me to fight ‘cause you are bored with killing weak innocent people.”
“Exactly,” the dragon’s grin said he had caught on that I was being facetious but didn’t care. “It will be fun.”
I wasn’t so amused.
“Ah,” I said, “what if I just let you kill me right now because I don’t want play your little game because I think I am still going to die and you are just dragging it out for your own sick pleasure?”
All the laughter drained from the dragon’s eyes and he stood towering over me. “You could play the martyr, Boy but I think you care about your mother too much for that.” He smiled coldly, the threat in his words clear.
I don’t think I had ever hated someone so much. Meeting his icy gaze with one of my own I spoke.
“I will kill you,”
He laughed.
“Well I guess we better get training than, Chunk.”
“Training? What are we going to do first?” I asked. The dragon winked at me. “Just follow me,” he said before taking off at a jog.
***
Now if you’ve never tried being forty five pounds overweight and jogging, you have never been truly miserable.
When we cut into the woods that ran along the side of the road we had been jogging on for what seem like forever, well, that the dragon had been jogging on, my own gait was more similar to that of a lame clown than an actual runner, I tried to ask him where we going but was so out of breath that it came out as a few indistinguishable grunts. The dragon didn’t grace me with an answer if he heard me and slowly the gap of space between us grew. Soon I was just seeing a glimpse of him through trees every few seconds. I attempted to pick up my own pace but he just seemed to get farther and farther away and I was rewarded for my efforts by tripping over a limb that was half covered by dead leaves.
Scrambling to my knees as fast as I could, the palms of my hands tingling with small cuts, I strained my eyes to trying to caught a sight of the dragon. When I didn’t spot him I crawled to my feet as fast as I could, running to the spot where I had last seen him, hoping to catch a flash of him dodging gracefully between trees.
Nothing.
“Hello!” I yelled, my voice cracking. “Hey, uhh, Dragon, where are you?” My cry bounced off the trees and then dissolved into thin air. Panicking, I stumbled forward. “Hey, stop, please.” I said, desperately.
No answer.
After several minutes I stopped, accepting the fact that I was now bumbled along, with no idea where I’m going. Pressing my back against a tree, I braced myself, my hands on my bent knees and tried to clear my mind.
For a while I stayed that way, my head hanging and breathing hard. Once the stitch in my side had faded and I was no longer gasping like an asthmatic, I straightened. I turned in a slow circle and confirmed what I had already been pretty sure about. I had no idea where I was or how to get back to town and, thanks to my spinning, I had now completely lost any sense of direction. I smacked my own forehead for my stupidity and then let out a sharp hiss of air at the pain of my palm hitting my already slightly toasted skin. I rolled my eyes at my own loser-ness.
“Wow, you are a idiot.” My words busted the quiet like an ax shattering a mirror. I kept talking. “You just had to lose him, didn’t you?” I started walking in a random direction. “You’re going to take out that dragon, are you?” I pushed an eye height branch aside. “You couldn’t even take out the garbage.” I was getting on a roll. “You probably couldn’t even deliver takeout pizza if you had to.”
I spent the next hour muttering verbal abuse at myself as I walked before I finally ran out of steam and settling into a exhausted trudge, too tired to do anything but shuffle along. The sun was high in the sky now from what I could see of it through the tree tops, the heat of it was thick and my shirt was soaked in sweat. My stomach had long since started rumbling when I came across a stream.
At first I fell to one knee at the edge and used a cupped hand to scope a drink from the water like you always see in the movies. Only the thing is, in the movies they don’t show you that you spill about half the water before you can reach your mouth with it and even if you can keep the majority of it, you still only get like a thimbleful.
It took me about two seconds to flopped down on my belly and just sucked it straight from the stream. Now maybe you are thinking ’yuck! How could he drink that water? It probably full of a sort of unimaginable crud.’ Well you are probably right but I’m still have to say that was the best drink I ever had. For a long time I just laid there and drank to my heart’s desire and when I had all my gut could hold, I dunked my head into the stream. It was heaven. The water was cold and when I was done I just sat back on my haunches and let the cool of it drip from my hair and trickle down my neck.
Refreshed I struck out with new vigor. Determine to find my way out of the woods. Several hours later though and my determination was lagging, the feeling of refreshment having vanished completely. Stories of kids getting lost in the forest and being found two weeks later started come back to me and I wondered if the dragon had decided that killing me was so easy that he was going let nature finish me off. My mind was following those dark paths when I noticed a flash of blue sky and of an open area through the trees. Keeping my eyes on that spot I broke into a run. The underbrush was still pretty thick and it slapped at me as I pushed through it. I broke through a particularly healthy cluster of bushes and I could see the open space, a field of waving grass. And the best part, not a tree in it. It was beautiful and I put on a last burst of speed, eager to be out of the woods.
Then I hit the fence.
***
As always, thanks for reading. I have enjoyed writing this story but I know it needs a lot off work, particularly in grammar (One of my weaker areas). I would love it if you would comment or review this. Feel free to tear it apart. :)
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Hi there! I'm here to save your chapter from the clutches of the Green Room.
I've went back and read through the previous chapters so I'm all caught up.
So here the dragon deduces that Griffin has shot a gun before. However, there's never any information given to us after that to prove that Griffin indeed has shot a gun. That would definitely be an interesting piece of knowledge to learn, possibly in the form of a memory or just Griffin expressing his knowledge about shooting a gun.
One thing I think you could really work on, and this is a note for all the chapters up to this point, is developing Griffin a bit more. As this is written in first person it's easy for us to get into his head, see what he's seeing, know what he's thinking. However, I feel like there's still a lot that we're missing about him.
Finding out you're going to die isn't something taken lightly. It would bring out so many different emotions. Mainly desperation, panic, things of that like. However, I didn't get any of that from Griffin after the dragon delivered the news. He just sort of took it all in stride and started making a joke of it with all of his sarcasm. I find that a bit hard to believe, even if he doesn't believe that this dragon is going to kill him. Take some time to really dive into his personality and show us what he's feeling.
We also haven't heard much about the rest of Griffin's life. What else does he enjoy doing besides drawing? Does he have any friends? Yes this story is about his fight with the dragon. That doesn't mean you can't branch out though. Give us more. I think it's a bit rushed in the beginning, with Griffin just heading straight home after being given the lizard. Why not take the time to slow it down a bit, really dive into Griffin's character? So far in the timeline of the story we've only seen one day. I could be getting a bit ahead of myself and you already have some of this written/planned out. If not, think about it.
I think that's all I wanted to say. I'm really a fan of this story. Anything action/adventure with such a fast pace like this will pull me in in a flash. I do hope you post more! I'll get to the next chapter soon
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a review. Even though I haven't read the earlier chapters of this yet, I still very much enjoyed reading this chapter. I'll most probably check out the earlier chapter just to see how the protagonist met the dragon. Your story flowed smoothly and it did not feel rushed, and neither was it too slow. The pace was just nice. Now you do have some corrections you have to make in terms of sentence structure and grammar.
At first glance I thought I had blow the front of it off with my shot before becoming aware of the lack of blood.
It should be:
At first glance I thought I had blown the front of it off with my shot before becoming aware of the lack of blood.
This is a little nitpick of mine, but I don't really like this sentence:
Not black, like African American but black black, like ink.
If you could find another example to differentiate the colour, that would be great. If not, the sentence needs to be tweaked a bit. It should be like:
Not black, like African American black, but black black, like ink.
“Your gun is crap.” I said.
It should be:
“Your gun is crap," I said.
Now I've noticed a lot of your sentences with dialogue makes that mistake of putting in a full stop before the end of the quotation mark. Especially when there's an I said or he said after that. If you have an I said or he said after the dialogue, put a comma before the quotation mark.
It took me a moment before I realized that the black was scales.
For this sentence, change the was to were. So it should sound like :
It took me a moment before I realized that the black were scales.
Well that was all that I could find. I hope that it will be of some help to you. Can't wait to read the next chapter and sees what happens. Keep on writing !