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I certainly don't agree with most of this poem's political message, especially (if my interpretation is correct) the first stanza, but, beyond that, this actually isn't bad. The second stanza has to be the best, the imagery in it is very good, and I can't help but feel that the whole poem should be like the second stanza. My least favorite stanza is the third, the quotes are out of place, and they take me out of the narrative entirely. The last stanza is good it reminds me of the second and, again, I feel that the rest of the poem might improve by being more like them.
If I'm viewing this correctly and it's a political commentary, then I have to say that while I don't agree with the perspective you seem to have it doesn't take away from the fact that this poem was decently-written. Since I really can't look at content with at least a little bias, I'll focus more on grammar and technique. Both are fine except that your punctuation was a little excessive - line breaks don't have to end with any punctuation, and in some places it just seemed a little unnecessary. It would've been nice to see you specify a little, because I felt like each stanza brought up another weighty topic and it would be really interesting to see you elaborate on each. So maybe these could each branch out into separate poems, perhaps? Just a thought, but in any case, very strong poem.
Keep writing,
Storyweaver
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. You gave detailed imagery and the word choices were well selected. I liked the fact that it gave war a domestic feel to it rather than just merely talking of soldiers. That was brilliant and I commend you for it.
The use of repetition in this piece was well done also. I’ve had to do similar poems in school and find them harder to do. (Trying to keep it interesting becomes difficult when you’re forced to say the same thing over and over.) I can gladly say that this did not bore me in the least. Truly, I was reading it eagerly trying to piece the picture together in my mind.
The first stanza is the weakest for me. It just does not seem as powerful when I read it. (I’m sure if this is just me or due to the fact that it is relatively tame compared to the stanza about dead babies. They’re pretty hard to compete with.)
The bit about reflections is good. In terms of America and her relationship to the world she had tried to conquer and morph those she interacts with into “cheap reflections” of herself. It was a neat insight. The third stanza confused me a tad bit. I wish I had more information about the speaker and why in war he/she is not wanted at a school.
The only “correction” (and I use that term lightly) I saw was in the last line. It reads, “That was the end of war”. While that is not a bad ending it didn’t flow as well and was not in line with the repetitive theme you had used throughout the rest. Therefore, I suggest perhaps changing it to “that was war”. However, this is my personal opinion and is terribly nick-picky.
All in all it was an interesting read, keep it up!