Let me sing your songs,
Let me hear your voice.
I want to bring you back
because you’re where my heart belongs.
I called your name countless times,
But I didn’t get an answer
From this lonely crowd.
People. People everywhere
Calling my name,
Promoting their wares.
But none of it compares
To your honey-sweet voice.
“Where are you?” I wonder,
Alone and on my knees
When the darkness closes in.
And then I realize -
You never left.
I turn around. You’re standing there.
You didn’t turn away from me,
It was the other way around.
But all that’s in the past now.
Nothing else matters.
We’re back together
And nothing will ever split us again.
I’ve stopped wondering,
Stopped worrying, because
I’m forever safe and protected
By your warm embrace.
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138,263 Literary Works • 672,091 Reviews
I love this poem! Some parts lacked some imagery, but others had strong imagery. There is only a couple things i would change.
I feel that saying "a million..." gives it a strangely immature feel for such a mature poem. Maybe try "countless times".
I feel that this part of the poem went a little too quickly. Maybe just elaborate more.
Other than that, beautiful poem!
Keep writing,
arspoetica
Thanks, everyone! I appreciate your input, and I'm making some changes accordingly.
~DragonGirl
Hey!
This is really great. Very good imagery, and for the most part your line breaks are perfect.
However, one that I found a little weird was this one:
It might just be me, but the "because" at the end makes it seem a little awkward. I would suggest moving it to the next line, or you might consider removing it entirely and making the two lines separate sentences.
One thing that I really liked was the very beginning lines:
The repetition of the first two words made it really stand out. Very strong beginning.
Also:
Maybe I'm being a bit picky, but the way this is worded almost seems like you're comparing the people to the voice, instead of the people's voices to the one voice.
Again, very nice job! You don't have to listen to me if you don't want to, but those are my thoughts.
I can't wait to see more! Good luck!
~Devan
I really liked this poem, I have written poems myself, but this is an amazing poem. You should write more poems!(:
This was very sweet and touching. I advise you to continue writing poetry! You are very good at it!
Welcome to YWS!
shiney1 here, and I'll review this for you.
This is a very nice poem, and a good first impression of what you can do. I feel as though it lacked a good element of imagery, but that's not the most important thing (I just love imagery, is all XD )
Nitpicks
I love the ending. This is good, keep on writing!