Young Writers Society

Hey there Dracula, here to leave a few thoughts on your piece.

I like that you're tackling a tough subject in this piece. Dieting, eating disorders, waste, and health can all be really touchy subjects. I think for such a heavy subject we don't quite have enough here to even tell what the speaker's stance on the issue is. I would love like a whole next stanza. It's also a bit tricky connecting to this piece because the speaker is only talking about others and so whether they're trying to be convicting or encouraging it's hard to connect to what they're saying. Basically I just want to get into the speaker's head a bit more in this piece.

As far as the message of this piece, I interpreted this to be a critique on people/culture that endorses dieting and instead says, why don't we just eat?

I think the lines "Eating is rebellious / It breaks the diet law" is a provoking way to look at eating and dieting, but again I'd love to see this extended.

I saw that Sheytato mentioned the title seemed a bit misplaced, and I have to agree that the poem didn't match with my expectations of the title.

The flow, word choice, formatting were all right on point. Your capitalization/punctuation seemed consistent so good job there as well.

Overall, I think this subject matter has a lot that could be explored but I'd like to see it go a little further.

~alliyah

Hi there! Here to leave a review

I really like the rhyme & rhythm of the poem. It makes it easier and enjoyable to read. It's very simplistic, but it conveys its message well. You have the room to lengthen it more, but keeping it short and sweet is fine as it is.

The title doesn't work, in my opinion. I understand that 'she said' is repeated twice in the poem, but it doesn't fit what the poem's about. You need a title that captures the reader's attention and works well with the theme and message of the poem.

Also, at the end of every other line, there's a fullstop, and occasionally, I don't think it's necessary to have one there. For example,

"It breaks the diet law."

Omit the fullstop and replace it with a comma - it will help it to flow better. This can also be applied to other points in your poem, but I'll let you have a go. Wherever it flows best for you, that's where it'll flow best for the readers

Overall, you have a pretty good poem here. Just a few finishing touches and re-editing will improve it greatly. I hope this review has helped

KayLou1609

Hey there, Dracula! Shey here for a review!

Overall, this was a nice piece. I get the message you were trying to convey, and I'm a big fan of the satire involved. I definitely agree with the insulting of the diet craze (I mean, come on, it's so ridiculous). Anyways, I've got a few comments, so I'll jump right into them.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of the title. It doesn't really suit what you're portraying in this poem. A name like "She Said" makes me expect something like a relationship breakup, or a falling out with a loved one or close friend. This poem is definitely not about that. I think you should consider a more fitting title, something which lines up better with the satirical take on the dieting fad. Just because you want the readers who click on this to know what they're getting into. (You have a description, I'm aware, but if someone saw someone in the people's tab like it, then they may select it without checking the description.)

I really like the rhyming. It was nice because often a poet hellbent on rhyming will toss away the logic, reason, or meaning of the poem just so the lines rhyme. I hate to see a good poem fall to shambles due to rhyming. This poem didn't do that. It felt like you wanted this poem to rhyme, but did so without sacrificing the meaning or value of the poem. My only complaint is that the last line didn't rhyme with anything. The final line is so unbelievably important, and it should rhyme.

Overall, great job! Keep up the great work, cause I look forward to seeing more from you!

Hi there Dracula! This is Kays here dropping in for a review for my first review of Review Week and hopefully this'll lead to many more. With that being said, let's cut to the chase and delve right in.

The theme and overall message of the poem I have to say is a little confusing. The piece can be taken as a little...offensive to those with eating disorders but I'm not sure that the speaker is saying 'good on you' to that audience. At least, I do direly hope not. At the beginning of this we see that she said she wasn't eating but later on we see her saying she'd have a hamburger and pancakes. Why is there a change between the two lines that seem to suggest that people in 'our hateful culture' (which is confusing in itself because I'm not sure what 'hateful culture' refers to.

Does this refer to the world? Does this refer to the culture of eating? Be more specific and give more clarity towards that for the reader because we don't know what the speaker is talking about there.) While this is short and that can be used to an advantage for minimalism I'm not quite sure that this gets the point across to the reader and that's the main concern that I have. I'd also say that this is quite lacking in poetic devices such as imagery, sensory detail or the broad spectrum of elements that belong under the umbrella term that is figurative language. I'm not saying that these need to be here because this is more based on theme and message more than other elements.

With that being said, what is the poem trying to say? Another important question that I have is--who is the girl in the poem in relation to the speaker? A friend? A stranger? A child? Give us that information even if that's through context clues and subtle hints. What are their views on eating food? The punctuation is another topic I briefly wanted to touch on--mix this up a bit. There's too much of an obvious pattern here with no punctuation on the first line and a period at the end of the second every single time. Make the flow more interesting--making the punctuation and wording more interesting does this because both dictate flow. Overall I can see this being stronger with more clarity and for revision and editing to be done.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.