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Young Writers Society



Fanfiction- chapter 4

by Dracula


“Here we go again.” The Doctor lovingly brushed his hand across the smooth wooden exterior of the Tardis. It was still tucked away in the empty stable, pieces of hay and dung stuck to the bottom of it. “Back to the future,” he sighed, remembering the film he'd first watched with Amy and Rory over a bowl of popcorn. He missed them, the Ponds, but there wasn't really time to think about his past at the moment. Not when a medieval kingdom was full of twenty-first century people.

The Doctor had decided to travel back to present day London, to look for clues which might hint at who was responsible for the displacement of so many people. Sherlock and John would remain in Camelot to do their own investigation. He thought they'd be perfectly fine by themselves, well, Sherlock at least. From almost a thousand years of experience, he knew that intense urges for adventure, such as John's, were bound to get the war doctor into trouble. But the detective's quick thinking would surely get them out of it.

The Doctor had no doubt, however, that the pair would be able to piece together what had happened in Camelot. But the future... that was for the timelord to figure out.

As soon as he stepped inside the police box its interior lit up as if in greeting, the console beeping on and off. Eleven put a finger in his ear, moving it around; the beeping continued. He wondered why on earth his Tardis was so eager to get going.

“What have you got to show me?” He asked quietly, placing his hands on a couple of levers, ready to go. “Something important, it must be...” He pushed forward, and the Tardis shook violently, making the Doctor fall onto the floor. “Very important!” He observed, feeling both curious and concerned as the familiar wheezing sound filled the air around him.

After a few seconds, the Tardis seemed to still. It no longer shook, the lights didn't flash impatiently, and the wheezing slowly faded away. The Doctor righted himself, taking in the calm before the storm. Then he approached the door and opened it, stepping into the busy streets of London.

He knew something wasn't right, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Then the realisation hit him. The streets were busy. Where there had previously been cars stalled in the middle of the roads, crashed against trash cans, there were now vehicles driving along just like any other day. Where there had been deserted homes, meals waiting to be consumed, there were now bustling buildings in full stir. There were families strolling along; children holding tightly to parents as they walked the curb. There were couples caressing each others' cheeks, lone workers making their way back from lunch. There was just too much activity.

These people were all meant to be in Camelot, and those who remained were meant to be out of their minds in worry. But everything was normal.

“It's not angels,” his mind flashed back and forth between the possibilities, “definitely not angels. Not their style.” He scratched his chin. “Not zygons, they'd need the copies.” He waved the screwdriver in the air, scanning for aliens, and suddenly grew stiff. “Oh.” The Doctor felt a chill run down his spine, felt his two hearts beating viciously. His eyes narrowed on three passerbys, getting too close to comfort. The screwdriver had figured it out; these weren't the frightened people he'd left in the middle ages. These were clones.

“Very good!” Arthur applauded the young knight he was training. “You're showing great progress, Elsmont.” Merlin watched from the background as the prince displayed his affection in the typical warrior fashion; by smacking the boy on the back.

“Arthur!” Merlin bounded over to his master as the knights dispersed to fetch a snack. “Umm, could I go to my room for a bit?” He wasn't doing anything, apart from standing in the warm sun and watching the knights bash each other. It felt like a waste of time to be there, especially with the witch finders in town. “There's some things Gaius asked me to take care of.” He wanted to go talk to Sherlock.

“Is that so?” Arthur pulled of his gloves, heaving off each piece of leather in one go, rather than delicately picking at the fingers like the ladies of the court did.

“Yes,” Merlin said simply, swaying back and forth with a suspicious grin on his face. “Is that okay?”

Arthur glanced at the sun, pursing his lips. “Well, I did have a list of chores for you to do,” he teased. Then his expression turned serious. “But considering the state of things... is Gaius conducting his own investigation? About the people?”

“Yeah,” Merlin answered, “something like that.”

“Alright then. You can go.”

Before Merlin could knock on the guest room door, it opened before him. Clearly Sherlock had been expecting him, and that didn't come as a surprise. The tall man stared into Merlin's eyes, as if he were analyzing his very soul. Maybe he was.

Merlin broke the silence. “You're from the future, aren't you?”

The corner of the witch finder's mouth turned upwards slightly into what could have passed as a grin. “And you're a sorceror, aren't you?”


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Sun May 29, 2016 2:44 am
RippleGylf wrote a review...



This is just such a great idea for a fanfiction. I myself am part of all three fandoms, and I think you accurately depict the characters, for the most part.

The Doctor had decided to travel back to present day London, to look for clues which might hint at who was responsible for the displacement of so many people. Sherlock and John would remain in Camelot to do their own investigation. He thought they'd be perfectly fine by themselves, well, Sherlock at least. From almost a thousand years of experience, he knew that intense urges for adventure, such as John's, were bound to get the war doctor into trouble. But the detective's quick thinking would surely get them out of it.
This is, unfortunately, one of the moments that seems to fit the Doctor's character the least. Eleven is one of the more adventurous Doctors, in my opinion, and always doing stuff on a whim. I don't think he would criticize John for being too adventurous, when that in and of itself isn't in John's character. "But the detective's quick thinking would surely get them out of it" is a very awkward way for the Doctor to tell himself, "Oh, they'll be fine, Sherlock will handle it." It just seems oddly worded.
“It's not angels,” his mind flashed back and forth between the possibilities, “definitely not angels. Not their style.” He scratched his chin. “Not zygons, they'd need the copies.” He waved the screwdriver in the air, scanning for aliens, and suddenly grew stiff. “Oh.” The Doctor felt a chill run down his spine, felt his two hearts beating viciously. His eyes narrowed on three passerbys, getting too close to comfort. The screwdriver had figured it out; these weren't the frightened people he'd left in the middle ages. These were clones.

“Very good!” Arthur applauded the young knight he was training. “You're showing great progress, Elsmont.” Merlin watched from the background as the prince displayed his affection in the typical warrior fashion; by smacking the boy on the back.
The transition between these two paragraphs is both abrupt and confusing. Even just putting a horizontal line would help the reader differentiate between the two settings and viewpoints.

The Doctor's thought process is very well-written, though, and I quite enjoyed it. :)
Before Merlin could knock on the guest room door, it opened before him. Clearly Sherlock had been expecting him, and that didn't come as a surprise. The tall man stared into Merlin's eyes, as if he were analyzing his very soul. Maybe he was.

Merlin broke the silence. “You're from the future, aren't you?”

The corner of the witch finder's mouth turned upwards slightly into what could have passed as a grin. “And you're a sorceror, aren't you?”
I haven't seen the beginning of the fanfiction yet, but with what I assume is a limited third person PoV from Merlin's perspective it either suddenly switches to omniscient, or Merlin knows Sherlock's name before knowing he's from the future with the assumption that he is a witch finder. If they've met before, it might make more sense, but be sure to be consistently limited or omniscient when using third person PoV.

Overall, very well-written. I look forward to catching up on this story. Keep writing!




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Tue Apr 12, 2016 2:16 am
SkyeWalker says...



omg. Please tag me when you write a new chapter XD




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Sat Mar 19, 2016 10:04 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey, you didn't tag me for this one!

Anyway, on to the review.

So I love this, as you very well know. I'll spare you my ramblings of praise, though. Mostly.

I love the last bit especially. It was clever and in character, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

My main qualm about this has to do with the Doctor. And I'll lay out my bias straight-up: I'm one of those people who prefer not to read in the Doctor's viewpoint, simply because I feel there's no way to accurately convey the alienness of being both Time Lord (it's Time Lord, not timelord) and really, really old. As well as just having a faster/different thought process naturally.

So yeah...it doesn't really feel like the Doctor in some places, in my opinion. Your dialogue does - as a whole, your dialogue is really good. I think I'll just point out some of the thoughts that I think are un-Doctorish.

The whole section where he's talking to the TARDIS is totally on point and I love it. :D

Actually, I feel that the main bits I thought were un-Doctorish were when he doesn't know something and is trying to work it out. Especially when he was working out that the people in London are clones. In particular, this sentence: "There was just too much activity, and the Doctor didn't understand why."

I just feel like the Doctor is the sort of person who would never dwell on the fact that he doesn't know something - even if he blabs on about the fact that he doesn't know it, his mind is already racing ahead to try to figure it out. And so this type of sentence feels wrong if we're supposed to be in his head. Same with "The Doctor wasn't quite sure what to make of John."

It's a similar thing at the beginning with "there wasn't really time to dwell on..." The "really" just diminishes the sentence overall.

I also thought his confusion over John was a bit odd - I just feel like the Doctor is exactly the sort of person who would get John, with his drive for adventure and kind heart. It's just a complexity of character that the Doctor tends to pick up on quickly. In a lot of ways, I think, he and the Doctor are similar, except that John doesn't feel the need to be in the lead.

I think that's pretty much all I've got. I know I said I loved this and then spent the whole review going on and on about the little flaws, but that's just me nitpicking. I really do love this, and I'm really looking forward to the next part.

(Also, CLONES! Hmmm...Autons? The flesh avatars? Maybe Missy/the Master? Probably not Daleks or Cybermen. Can't think of too many villains that have used clones before.)




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Sat Mar 19, 2016 1:06 am
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CuriosityCat says...



I absolutely cannot get enough of this story!! It's one of the best fanfics I have ever read, and I can't wait until the next episode comes out! I actually squeaked with excitement when I saw that this was up. (How childish can you get, right?) :P

Anyway, I'm sorry that this is just a somewhat silly comment and not a review. I know it will be of no help at all with editing, but I just wanted to tell you how much I love these chapters and how excited I am for the next installment.

Thank you for being amazing and continuing the series! <3
~Cat





Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners