This is just such a great idea for a fanfiction. I myself am part of all three fandoms, and I think you accurately depict the characters, for the most part.
This is, unfortunately, one of the moments that seems to fit the Doctor's character the least. Eleven is one of the more adventurous Doctors, in my opinion, and always doing stuff on a whim. I don't think he would criticize John for being too adventurous, when that in and of itself isn't in John's character. "But the detective's quick thinking would surely get them out of it" is a very awkward way for the Doctor to tell himself, "Oh, they'll be fine, Sherlock will handle it." It just seems oddly worded.The Doctor had decided to travel back to present day London, to look for clues which might hint at who was responsible for the displacement of so many people. Sherlock and John would remain in Camelot to do their own investigation. He thought they'd be perfectly fine by themselves, well, Sherlock at least. From almost a thousand years of experience, he knew that intense urges for adventure, such as John's, were bound to get the war doctor into trouble. But the detective's quick thinking would surely get them out of it.
The transition between these two paragraphs is both abrupt and confusing. Even just putting a horizontal line would help the reader differentiate between the two settings and viewpoints.“It's not angels,” his mind flashed back and forth between the possibilities, “definitely not angels. Not their style.” He scratched his chin. “Not zygons, they'd need the copies.” He waved the screwdriver in the air, scanning for aliens, and suddenly grew stiff. “Oh.” The Doctor felt a chill run down his spine, felt his two hearts beating viciously. His eyes narrowed on three passerbys, getting too close to comfort. The screwdriver had figured it out; these weren't the frightened people he'd left in the middle ages. These were clones.
“Very good!” Arthur applauded the young knight he was training. “You're showing great progress, Elsmont.” Merlin watched from the background as the prince displayed his affection in the typical warrior fashion; by smacking the boy on the back.
The Doctor's thought process is very well-written, though, and I quite enjoyed it.
I haven't seen the beginning of the fanfiction yet, but with what I assume is a limited third person PoV from Merlin's perspective it either suddenly switches to omniscient, or Merlin knows Sherlock's name before knowing he's from the future with the assumption that he is a witch finder. If they've met before, it might make more sense, but be sure to be consistently limited or omniscient when using third person PoV.Before Merlin could knock on the guest room door, it opened before him. Clearly Sherlock had been expecting him, and that didn't come as a surprise. The tall man stared into Merlin's eyes, as if he were analyzing his very soul. Maybe he was.
Merlin broke the silence. “You're from the future, aren't you?”
The corner of the witch finder's mouth turned upwards slightly into what could have passed as a grin. “And you're a sorceror, aren't you?”
Overall, very well-written. I look forward to catching up on this story. Keep writing!
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Reviews: 120
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