z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Fanfiction- chapter 3

by Dracula


This is a really rough first draft, I haven't even read through it myself yet, but I'm publishing it now so I can get reviews as soon as possible. Try not to focus on spelling (I'll fix anything later) or formatting, etc. I think I could be more descriptive in this chapter so please keep an eye out and tell me where! Thanks. :)

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Uther Pendragon shook the hand of the bow-tie man. "I have been told that you deal with this sort of... problem." Sir Leon, standing beside Arthur and Merlin, looked curiously at the man, and then the king. This witch-hunter was dressed just as strangely as the foreigners, yet Uther didn't look twice at him. The king, he considered, must have been happy to have a solution, no matter how ridiculous the man seemed.

"Yes, aliens are my specialty." He winked. "In fact, I have to two helpers, so we'll get this sorted out quickly." He clapped his hands to the right of his head. "And... enter!" Two other men entered the room, having been asked to wait outside for the Doctor's que. The Doctor loved dramatic entrances. The first man was placid looking, with thick black curls and a red scarf. His companion was shorter and appeared ready to pounce on anyone who challenged him.

"You are also experienced?" Uther shook their hands. The scarfed man lingered his hold for a few seconds, he and the king not breaking eye contact.

"Not at all," he answered casually, "but I assure you I'm a quick learner, and probably your best chance."

"This is Sherlock," the Doctor said. "And that's John Watson."

"Your names are not familiar." Uther motioned to Sir Leon, who threw a bag of gold to the Doctor. The timelord jangled it next to his ear, and deposited it in his coat pocket as if it was as dispensable as a hanky. "But do the job and you will want for nothing."

"And..." John stepped forward, looking back and forth between his acquaintances and the king. "What is our job exactly?"

"Excuse Mr. Watson," Sherlock said, "he often requires explanations."

"Your job is to get rid of the sorcerers." Uther replied sternly. "Is that not why you came to Camelot?"

The Doctor nodded and put his hands on John's shoulders, peeking over him, to the war doctor's discomfort. "Of course it is, we were just checking that you understood."

Arthur, having kept himself and Merlin in the background, finally raised his voice. "Father, don't forget, we think these people are victims, not actual sorcerers."

"Whoever they are, I want them gone. That's final."

Merlin felt a gaze on him, and turned to see the one called Sherlock staring at him. He seemed confident, not turning away when discovered. Merlin nodded, thinking it the polite thing to do, though he felt uncomfortable. It was almost as if the witch-hunter was seeing into his soul. He hoped this would not be a repeat of the previous witch-hunter's reign.

"We'll figure it out, and get these people back to where they came from." The Doctor grinned.

"Good." Uther looked to his son. "Arthur, get these men settled for a week's stay."

Just then, the doors opened and in walked Morgana with rings under her eyes, but holding her posture with full poise. She wore a green dress which flowed behind her as if on a cloud. To summarise, she made quite a dramatic entrance.

"Morgana!" Uther bounded forward and grabbed onto her hands. "Where have you been?"

"I'm sorry for worrying you," she answered sweetly and began a story of how she'd felt unwell, so had sought comfort from one of the ladies of the court.

Meanwhile, Sherlock's alarm bells were ear-piercingly loud in his mind palace. It seemed so obvious to him that this woman was somehow involved in the teleportation of the Londoners. Her story was full of plot holes, anyone except the king knew it, and the way she looked at him... she almost reminded him of Moriarty. Except she wasn't anywhere near as intelligent as him.

"At least you're safe now." Uther had almost lost his precious ward once before, and he was tremendously relieved that Morgana was safe.

"And what might your name be?" Sherlock stepped forward.

Morgana's gaze flickered over her shoulder, and she turned to face the detective, a confident look on her face. "The Lady Morgana." She delicately held out her hand, though Sherlock's arms stayed firmly by his side. He stared at her, no doubt going over things in his mind, and she smiled uncomfortably. "If you'll forgive me, I'm rather tired."

"Of course," The king said. "Arthur, escort these men to their rooms."

"Yes father." The prince held his arm out towards the door, signalling for Morgana to exit first. She did so, and was followed by the five men for a short while as they walked to the same part of the castle.

Merlin watched her carefully until she turned a corner, looking for anything that might suggest she was involved. At that moment though, he was more curious about the figure walking gaily beside him.

Once the blue box had arrived and Gwen had run off in surprise, he had had a short five minutes to talk to the doctor as he lead him and the two companions to Arthur. The Doctor seemed to have magic, though he talked of it so casually. He didn't even try to deny what Merlin had seen. "We pop in and out everywhere," he'd said.

"You should be careful who you say that to," Merlin had spoken quickly in warning, as strangers eyed the group, "if you value your life."

"Really?" The Doctor had said, and that had ended their conversation.

"This," Arthur's voice pulled Merlin back to the present, "is where one of you will be staying... or two... or three."

"We'll have separate beds, thanks." John entered the room, apparently claiming it as his. It was the typical Camelot guest room, fitted out for royalty.

"I hope you'll be comfortable." Arthur smiled. "If you need anything, just ask-" he was interrupted by Sherlock.

"Before we go any further, tell me about Morgana."

Arthur looked slightly taken aback, but Merlin perked up, wondering why Sherlock was so interested. Could he see right through Morgana? The warlock shivered, perhaps that meant he could see right through Merlin's disguise as well.

"Morgana is my father's ward." The prince answered casually. "She is like a sister to me."

John, sitting comfortably on the feather mattress, said, "Why are you asking, Sherlock?"

"We are here for an investigation, John."

"Oh." Arthur waved his hand in dismissal. "I assure you that the Lady Morgana has nothing to do with this."

Yeah right, Merlin muttered under his breath, though no one heard him. Except... did Sherlock turn his head just a little bit?

Suddenly, the four heard a crash from the hall, and hurried to see what had happened. They were greeted by the Doctor crouched on the ground, trying to quickly pick up some fruit he had knocked over.

"Sorry!" He exclaimed upon spotting them. "I was just scanning for... stuff, and I knocked this over."

"Let me help you." Merlin offered when Arthur gave him a look. He then began stuffing apples and pears back into the ornate wooden bowl.

"It's odd," Sherlock said, his arms crossed. "For a servant, you don't seem half as tired as you should be."

Merlin froze, back turned to the crowd. It was true, lately he had been using magic so he could sleep instead of doing chores. And the witch-finder had noticed. Luckily, Arthur unintentionally saved him.

"Merlin's the most lazy servant in Camelot, but he will do whatever you ask." He gestured to the next door down the hall. "Shall I show you the other rooms?"

"Yes, please!" The Doctor answered gleefully, positioning the bowl neatly on the side table.

To Merlin's relief, the rest of the tour was completely uneventful, and it wasn't long before he could go recount the events of the day to Gaius.

"It has to be Morgana," Merlin admitted over a bowl of warm chicken soup.

"Merlin..." The physician raised an eyebrow as he munched down on a piece of bread. Soup and bread, it wasn't a gourmet meal like the Pendragons had, but it was still delicious. And excellent for relaxing... and sharing theories of all the crazy stuff that was happening.

"Come on, Gaius, ugh." Some soup dribbled down Merlin's chin, pooling on his scarf. He slurped it up quickly and continued. "It's always Morgana."

"Even if that's so, you can't just accuse the king's ward. Especially with the witch-finders around." Gaius' eyebrows quivered, which the young warlock always took as a sign of pure seriousness.

"They aren't like the other witch-finders, they're not from around here."

"Yes," he nodded, "I've suspected as much."

Merlin wondered whether he should tell Gaius about the box, but his mind wandered to Gwen. She had seen it too, and run off after the men had stepped out. What would she be thinking now? She had that little girl to look after, he supposed, so Gwen would be level-headed as usual.

"What are you thinking about?" The physician inquired.

"Nothing." He continued to the next important matter. The box was irrevelant, at least for now. Sherlock's comment wasn't. "The one called Sherlock, I think he suspects me."

Gaius lowered his bread into the bowl, where it proceeded to soak up the soup. "Did he accuse you?"

Merlin slowly shook his head. "No... he just sort of suggested it. But that's the thing," he leant in closer to Gaius, "I don't think he cares about me, he was more interested in Morgana. Maybe I should talk to him."

"I sense you're getting into mischief, Merlin." The eyebrows quivered again.

"Gaius. There's hundreds of people from..." It was the only explanation and they both knew it, so Merlin said it outright, "...the future. In Camelot. You know I've got to do something."

"I know." The physician reached across their dinner and placed a fatherly hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Just be careful."

"You know me," he smiled, "I'm always careful."


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34 Reviews


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Fri Apr 15, 2016 1:39 pm
JediDeadpool wrote a review...



Hey there! Just tidying up the green room a bit.

I agree with Meandbooks; the POV switching is tiresome, and makes it harder to read the book. You can't focus on anything because you have to be constantly alert for the POV changes. Also, it's strange that they're all omniscient, except for Merlin who seems like he probably should be the only one who IS.

I also agree that you should make an effort to summarize some, or all, of Morgana's backstory so people know why her story is 'full of holes'.

Besides this I think the intermingling of three different series is cool, and hope you write more in the future!




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Fri Feb 19, 2016 1:42 am
Mea wrote a review...



Heyyy there! I'm back!

So, this is another good part - your characters are still, by and large, in character, plot things are happening, etc. I really like seeing the different characters from the other character's points of view - I think that's one of my favorite things about fanfiction. It's also interesting reading about these characters instead of watching them. xD

So, I seem to remember that maybe you're going for omniscient third person and that might be why this happened, but for the first half I legitimately couldn't tell who's POV you were in, except for the one bit that was clearly Sherlocks. It wasn't that you kept switching between different people's thoughts, it was that you showed almost none of their thoughts, and you didn't describe anyone in a way that would be consistent with a particular persons POV.

And I'm not sure what to say about that. Later, you move into much more limited third person with Merlin, and I'm definitely more comfortable with that. I'm all for experimenting with omniscient POV, but I feel like one of the cool things about this fanfic is that each of the different characters' worldview and knowledge are so immensely different, and when the narrative is colored by their perception instead of being omniscient it makes it a lot more interesting. One thing you probably shouldn't do is keep "zooming" in and out.

The other main thing that I thought was odd was Morgana - for one thing, I think you might want to write out her "story" so that we can see these "plot holes" and plus she just seemed a bit more...malicious than I'm used to.

Of course, that's probably just because I've only seen halfway through like season 2 or 3, so she hasn't completed her descent into evil. And that does bring me to the other point I wanted to make - it would still be nice to get a clear idea of continuity for the Merlin folks. It doesn't really matter as much for the other shows, but I think for Merlin it's important. I think a good way of doing that would be to have Merlin mention a specific incident that happened recently for him when he says "it's always Morgana." Then we'd get an idea of where they're at.

"This," Arthur's voice pulled Merlin back to the present, "is where one of you will be staying... or two... or three."

This felt odd to me, because it's the sort of joke that would fit right in in Sherlock, but this is Sherlock and Doctor Who crashing in to Merlin, not the other way around, and it doesn't feel lik e Arthur or anyone from the middle ages would make that joke.

And that's all I've got for you! Eagerly awaiting the next part!




Mea says...


Also, I think one reason you're not getting more views is because you're not specifying which fandoms in the title.




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