authors Note: this is a short story canakting to my poem hears the link to the poem that it is close to. https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/EagleFly/...
The Funny Egg
There was an Egg it was a stanch egg, when you try to crack its shell open, it will just roll of off the plate that it is on. Then the Egg would go to find a comfy place to sit. If that did not soot its needs then it would look for trouble instead. It would go and play with the dog, but this does not go as planned, instead the dog would chase it to were ever it wonted. But there has to be a time when the dog gets tired of that, so the Egg got successfully out of that. The one thing that the Egg would not play with was the cat.
Its good. The wording was intresing, and it was humorous, however It could do with some added length. If it had that, it would make a excellent children's book. There was a lot of misspelled words and missing punctuation.
Despite all this, it made me smile, you really did do a great job. I hope to see more writing like this. And as always, keep writing!
Its good. The wording was intresing, and it was humorous, however It could do with some added length. If it had that, it would make a excellent children's book. There was a lot of misspelled words and missing punctuation.
Despite all this, it made me smile, you really did do a great job. I hope to see more writing like this. And as always, keep writing!
Eagle, I think that humorous pieces are one of your strengths, because your unique phrases really make it quite interesting. 
I'm not sure if you intended this piece to be more on the serious side, but I think the topic is more suited to humor.
I won't correct the spelling mistakes in here, because I think in a piece like this is actually works to your advantage.
I like that the ending is really abrupt with the change of topic to the cat - because it engages with unexpected expectations. I would like to know if this egg is a chicken egg, or what type it is though - or like hard-boiled? Because if there's a little chicken in it, that makes more sense on why it is running all over.
I like this piece, and goes really well in connecting to your Egg poem too! Nice job Eagle! I want to read more of your poetry and short-story pairings.
-alliyah
Hii @eaglefly, I hope you are fine....
I liked your story and I completely agree with eros. There is some small mistake which you can change. But it is really good and I like it.. I like the line where you said, " roll off the plate" and "instead the dog would chase". It's small but sweet.. I like the Egg character... I like how you describe it...
Keep writing such good works.... Thank u for tagging too..
Hey, quick review. There are some spelling errors and places where punctuation is needed, but otherwise it's a story you could extend with scene, dialogue, and your own farce.
Examples: Lowercase "Egg", because you use "the Egg" to describe it, meaning it's not a name. And all the stuff Eros covered.
Also, perhaps try giving the egg some more character, which I mentioned above. You mentioned that if the egg didn't like where it was sitting, it would go look for trouble...But why? Even though this was a short piece, keep your readers' questions in mind.
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem rude or unhelpful. That was not intentional.)
Hey there, Eagle !!
This is Eros here with a review for this beautiful short story!!
So I think this is the very first short story of yours and the idea behind this story was amazing!
The story is about an egg like how it enjoys playing with the dog. However it doesn't like to play with the cat. This part was indeed funny just like the title expresses!
Especially the part where you say that it bounces or rolls off the plate when tried to crack open was awesome! It is described very well.
Now coming to the little mistakes that matters a bit for Making the readers read smoothly. The idea is so smooth, the flow is awesome, but when we read it, it becomes a kind of pause to the flow ..
Like,
1) canakting : connecting.
2) hears : here is or here's
3)remove "of" from roll of off. Just let it be "roll off the plate." Another thing here, "that it is on" is not necessary ...like it should be understood by the readers. A few things if left upon the readers doesn't really make any difference... So maybe just remember next time...
4)wonted : wanted.
The last line however makes me think ... The cat is not a thing... So maybe just delete thing?
The one with whom the egg would not play was the cat...
Well, these are really just little mistakes which are important to some extent. But the most important thing is that your ideasare so awesome! Like... These are ideas that don't come so easily in our minds... And the story is just--- so good! It brought a smile on my Face after the long day of tiresome practical exams...
Amazing work!
Keep writing such awesome works and we would love to keep reading them and keep reviewing them!!
Have a great day / night!
With love,
From.Eros.
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