The Shadow Starkers Poem

Hey! FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you! Hope you enjoy it!

OH I really love this poem, it has been so long since I read it! It's short but really descriptive. I forgot about the story you told here. If you don't mind me saying so I think this could be a really cool short story. I'm really curious what this shadow stalker.
I would so like to add in I like your choice of words, their really descriptive. I would have to say this is one of your best poems/stories. Lol

One small thing, I would suggest reading through and making sure you get all your spelling mistakes.

Well that's all. I would really like to see if you will make this into a short story, I think it would become something very interesting, in fact it could even make a good story. Hahaha if you do that I would really look forward to it.

Well hope you have a great night and continue writing, post on YWS again soon!

FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Thanks for sharing this poem about a person who felt harassed and decided that enough was enough and then proceeds to turn the tables by becoming a stalker of those who had persecuted her.

From a Christian standpoint that would be returning evil for evil and not the Christian way. Should we imitate those who persecute us and get to resemble them? Is their example admirable? Does the world become a better place if everyone imitates bullies?

Those are very relevant questions that arose after I read the poem and could be very well understood as the crucial message that the poem is striving to convey.


Suggestions

I consider the poem interesting as it stands due to the unusual spellings and pronunciations that to me adds a certain unique charm. But if you wish to transform it into the usual way of expressing things, here are the modifications.

. . . mad fun of, . . .
[. . .made fun of, . . .]

I can hear the shriek of pane . . . .
[I can hear the shriek of pain . . . .]

. . . .for my meal,
[. . . .for my meal. ]

. . . .over the yeas, . . . .
[. . . .over the years.]

I no that I am a stoker but in some way I want to be a larker.
[I know that I am a stalker[,] but in some way I want to be a lurker.]

unof -[enough]

. . . .cass. . . . [. . . .cause or because. . . .]

I no . . . .
[I know . . . .]

Suggestion

Below are suggestions in punctuation, spelling and grammar to make the meaning clearer.


I am the night light,

The stalker of them all[.]

Never am I made fun of[.]

Never am I sneaked up on[.]


Until now, all I ever tasted was the feeling of death[.]

Now I can hear the shriek of pain that someone lets out when I gobble people for my meal[.]

I know that I am a stalker but in some way I want to be a lurker[.]

But I have changed over the years[.]

Enough of playing games[.]

Enough of being small[.]

Enough of being a runt of them all[.]

Now I am the greatest of them all.

--

Thanks for sharing and looking forward to reading more of your poems.

Hey! Thanks for tagging me! Anyway! Toooooo the review!

So, for the most part, it's fine. You have minor spelling errors but, I'll get to them later. What I really want to address is line 6. You wrote: 'I can all was tasted the feeling of death,' which lost me. I didn't understand it and it took what felt like forever for me to figure it out. Try rephrasing it to something like, 'I can only taste and feel death'. Another one I didn't understand - and this might just be misspelling something - is 'Unof'. What is that supposed to mean? I am so confused and I'm pretty sure others are too.

So, for spelling... (The numbers are the line numbers)
3. mad ---> made
7. pane ---> pain; 'when' I'd switch it out for 'as' and 'gobble' for 'devoured'
9. yeas ---> years
13. Add a comma after 'Cass'

Sorry if you found this harsh. I never mean to be. I just come across that way sometimes.

This poem was unique and way more intriguing, the words you have used like cass,unof,..I comprehended them actually.Many won't take the risk of using cass(inspired by you,lol), people won't understand.You have your own style and i appreciate that.
The way you ended the poem way impressive.
My favos are:
"I can all was tasted the feeling of death,

I can hear the shriek of pane that someone lets out when I gobble people for my meal,

I no that I am a stoker but in some way I want to be a larker,

But I have changed over the yeas,

Unof of playing games,

Unof of being small,

Unof of being a runt of them all,

Cass I am the greatest of them all."

you are way more creative.Looking forward for many from you

AnimalQueen here! First off, I, like Jevan13 noticed typos, but they didn't actually bother me. It makes it more interesting in a way.

And I love, love, LOVE the topic you've got here! Pain can turn us mean sometimes, no matter how nice we are originally. It instantly makes me think of a million different books I've read and movies I've seen, but I'll spare you that.

I can really feel the main character's despair in this poem. I give it a seven out of ten. Keep writing, and keep being awesome!

AnimalQueen out!

This poem was intriguing to me. Great choice of a title by the way. I was actually dragged here the curiosity it instilled in me. So firstly nitpicky stuff:

Grammatical issues- Words like "Unof", which I'm assuming is 'enough' based on context, "yeas" which could just be a typo of 'years', "pane" I believe would be 'pain', and lastly "no" which I assume is 'know'.

Diction- "I can all was tasted the feeling of death" This line so messed with the vibe I was getting. Like I was in the zone of your poem when I met upon this. I still don't understand what it meant so I just continued. This line as well, "Never was I mad fun of".

I apologise if I come of as offensive but I'm just trying to point out what affected the awesomeness of such a great poem. Keep up the good work though!

My fave lines:

I am the night light,

The stoker of them all,

Thanks for asking me to read this, Moonflower. I've been so busy that I haven't come to Yewis for a little while. T'was nice to read a cool poem.

The part I liked most, because of the symbolism in it, is how the shadows are the stalkers. It says 'never was I snuck up on' but I get the feeling that this have changed. That now perhaps the shadow is being hassled rather than the other way around. It brings to mind kids jumping in and out of light, making shapes with their shadows. Like they control them rather than the shadows stalking behind. If I look at this in a fantastical light, my interpretation is that the shadow's sick of all that now, and it's going to step forwards so that the kids become the shadows.

That might not be what you were going for at all. But that's the beauty of poetry.

Hi MoonFlower! Danni here for a review!

OK, I am going to try a new way of reviewing and quote the work here with wrong things in strikethrough, my changes in bold, bits I am unsure of in red and my comments in italics.

I am the night light,
The stoker of them all,
Never was I made fun of,
Never was I sneaked up on,
Until now,
I can all was tasted the feeling of death, I'm not sure what this sentence means?
I can hear the shriek of pane pain that someone lets out when I gobble people for my meal,
I no know that I am a stoker but in some ways I want to be a larker, What does 'larker' mean? Do you mean lurker?
But I have changed over the years,
Unof Enough of playing games,
Unof Enough of being small,
Unof Enough of being a runt of them all,
Cass You have a choice here. It would be more appropriate to write 'Cause or Because, but you could write Cause. I am the greatest of them all.

Very interesting choice of perspective, MoonFlower! Keep writing more poetry

I loved this poem! I found it so interesting, I read it twice. To be honest I don't like poems, but I loved this one. Keep writing more poems!

Very interesting poem.
I find the way that it is expressed charming.
Would love to hear you read it.